But seriously though. This thing was making its rounds on The ‘Gram so of course I got big FOMO and requested it immediately from the library. At some point I have to learn there are lots of people who (a) are much kinder than I am, (b) obtain advanced copies and feel obligated to push them to the front and center on/near pub date, and/or (c) are not addicted to all things trash T.V. like myself. This is the story of three ladies who all get taken by “Ethan” – their online boyfriend – back in 2011. While I understand the intertubes and at-home sleuthing weren’t quite what they are today, that actually worked against me feeling for these women. Call me a victim blamer, but JFC at some point even if Ethan weren’t a total fabrication, it was REAL apparent . . . .
Releasing this book THIRTEEN YEARS after the fact certainly did it no favors either. Ethan was a little minnow in comparison to some of the Catfish stories that have been on my boob tube for almost the same amount of time....more
I mean we’re talking the holy grail of house covers right there, kids. Unfortunately the book itself was mostly a flop for me. The main problem was that this was marketed as a whodunit, but you don’t even get a dead granny until 30%. And granny didn’t even need to be murdered for this story. This one is all about the various skeletons that end up falling out of the cupboards when a group of longtime friends get together for a girls’ trip. Granny provided the chateau and was the catalyst behind certain skeletons, but again, she could have been dead to begin with and the ladies could have been coming together either for her funeral or reading of the will without any of the stabby even occurring. But it is what it is. Take this to the pool for some mindless summertime fun if nothing else. (Just be forewarned that this author comes off as a real Francophile who likes to toss in an obnoxious amount of super basic French words to her narration.)...more
Here is your friendly reminder that when it comes to a new offering from an author who made your heart crap its pants with their prior releDear Kelly:
Here is your friendly reminder that when it comes to a new offering from an author who made your heart crap its pants with their prior release, don’t forget sometimes . . .
Oh, The Guncle. I mean are there even any words remaining for that piece of feel good perfection? I knew I would be picking up whatever Stephen Rowley was putting down next, but when the comparison was to The Big Chill?????
This was the first time in the history of ever that my library failed me and I wasn’t able to get my hands on a copy immediately upon publication so I did something I NEVER do and ordered the hard copy. And I did it through the Internet Book Store (I know, I know - shame on me, I should have supported a small business, yada, yada, yada) so I could have it delivered to my front door the same day.
And then I read it and . . . well . . . I should have lowered my expectations because I was a little underwhelmed. I loved the premise of having a “funeral” or celebration of life in a time of need rather than when the person has already died and this definitely had the long-time friend reunion-y vibes of The Big Chill. My problem is of multiple aspects (1) I am a well-known wrongreader, (2) I am the reason I can’t have nice things, (3) The Big Chill is maybe my favorite movie of all time and I am CONSTANTLY looking for a book that makes me feel all the things that film makes me feel, and (4) follow ups to really outstanding stories are HARRRRRRRRRD. I loooooooved Jordan, but either didn't connect at all or felt the other characters all fell a little flat and were underdeveloped. I think maybe T.J. Klune is the only who even came close for me with back to back heart exploding hits with Under the Whispering Door that came after the perfect The House in the Cerulean Sea.
Let me unload one piece of baggage before I even begin here. My copy of You Shouldn’t Have Come Here DID NOT include the Colleen Hoover cover blurb. ILet me unload one piece of baggage before I even begin here. My copy of You Shouldn’t Have Come Here DID NOT include the Colleen Hoover cover blurb. If it had, I would hope that I would have been smart enough to avoid this like the plague due the incessant seven year trolling I’ve receive from CoHo’s rabid fanbase. Buuuuuut, since The Perfect Marriage remains on my TBR, there’s a decent chance I still would have read it. Although I didn’t know about the new and improved cover at all, I was immediately confronted with a paragraph on the very first page. And then one by Jennifer Hillier, and Kaira Rouda, and John Marrs and Alex Finlay????? Now that I’m finished I have one question to ask . . . .
For real, though. I mean was this a dare to see how quickly this thing could go viral on TikTok? Are these authors a caliber of likeswappers Goodreads and The ‘Gram have never before seen? Did they all sell their souls????
I picked this up to give Jeneva Rose a second chance after reading One of Us Is Dead - a book that wasn’t terrible for me, just not as over-the-top as it could/should have been when it came to the delivery. I had not known Airbnb “Rooms” was now a thing since I refuse to watch television with commercials, but lemme just say if you’re thinking about staying with a random stranger maybe read this book because obviously this would be a killer’s wet dream. I was hoping for a popcorn thriller and suspension of disbelief was not going to be a problem for me when it came to the story of Grace who rents a room on a ranch in Wyoming from Calvin for ten days. I figured at least one person would wind up dead and I was down for the stabbies. But this was so booooooooooooring. Good lord amighty what a snoozefest.
The stuff that did finally happen was what most people would think was going to happen all along . . . other than the “twist” at the end which was one of those last-pagers that’s just stupid and thrown in as an attempt to shock the reader, but it was all too little too late.
Oh, and to authors who do things like this???
“Finally, a thriller. This one promised a twisty ending I wouldn’t see coming. It seemed every thriller promised that these days, but few actually delivered.”
“When she appeared in the kitchen, I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding in. Cliché, I know. But it’s true.”
It doesn’t make you seem clever to be “in on the joke” – it’s simply a confirmation that you don’t write well enough to come up with something other than the worn out lines every other pisspoor Wattpader comes up with.
What in the Wattpad did I just read? I was really looking forward to this, but oh my word talk about some seriously undeveloped characters,
[image]
What in the Wattpad did I just read? I was really looking forward to this, but oh my word talk about some seriously undeveloped characters, plot, and everything else. This literally read like a teenager’s fanfiction. Do yourself a favor and just re-read Daisy Jones or watch the show.
ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. ...more
Allow me a moment to age myself. When I was a kid, not only did I Walk Like an Egyptian and warble my tiny emo lungs out to “Close your eyes, give me Allow me a moment to age myself. When I was a kid, not only did I Walk Like an Egyptian and warble my tiny emo lungs out to “Close your eyes, give me your hand – can you feel my heart beating????” but I also WORE. THE. SHIT. OUT. Of the VHS tape of the instant classic (LOL) The Allnighter starring none other than . . . .
When I saw she was releasing a novel I was all over it . . . and I was lucky enough to score an early copy. And I give massive props to a 63 year old achieving her dream of getting a book published. But the story just was not great.
Jane is a 33-year old, one-hit-wonder (on a cover song, not even an original) who has somehow managed to never have to get a real job in the decade since her 15 minutes of fame were over. Instead she does things like corporate parties or, as is the jumping off point here, a bachelor party in Vegas. Recently broken up from her famous boyfriend (and watching his life with his new love unfold via social media), Jane’s BFF/manager Pippa offers up her guest room and a getaway to London. On the flight, Jane meets Tom – who then ghosts her for two weeks before making contact, they go out on one date and then they are in instalove and she moves in with him . . . .
Yeah, this was not it. Not only is instalove not my jam, but Jane having no sense of responsibility at over 30 and being a shit friend who immediately ditched her ride or die for some D made it even worse. Not to mention the entire storyline about “Jonesy” which hinted at a real #metoo experience (which could have explained some of Jane’s behaviors) only to amount to nothing and the bizarre Jane Eyre shoutouts made this one a real slog.
ARC provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review. ...more
Synopsis: Mallory gets hired as a nanny for darling Damian Teddy, but his doodles go from cute to disturbing in 3.BEWARE THERE’S A REAL SPOILER BELOW.
Synopsis: Mallory gets hired as a nanny for darling Damian Teddy, but his doodles go from cute to disturbing in 3.2 nanoseconds.
Y’all bullshittin’ me with this rating right???? Right? I mean it’s Halloween time and I’m A-okay with just tryin’ to get my get my get my get my creep on, but this one . . . .
I mean right from the jump that these apparently overprotective parents would be looking at the closest halfway house for a new nanny was laughable, but then when the big reveal comes WHY IN THE HELL WOULD THEY EVEN HIRE A NANNY AT ALL?!?!?!?! Like that secret wouldn’t come out with an oversharing five year old.
I’m wasting zero of my time on this. The cover was great, the pictures were great, I can suspend my disbelief with the best of 'em when it comes to horror and whodunnits, and I am one who reads A LOT of disturbing content so I truly appreciate when authors push the envelope, but nope. You ain’t using gender as the big twist. That’s not a trope – that’s offensive. ...more
If you know me you know I don’t generally read past the first book in a series. This summer has been a bit of an exception to that own personal rule oIf you know me you know I don’t generally read past the first book in a series. This summer has been a bit of an exception to that own personal rule of mine and I really could not wait to get my hands on a copy of Husband Material. Fans of the Happily Ever After versus the Happily for Now will most assuredly be the ones who enjoy this more than I did. Unfortunately for me, the various antics and escapades involving over-the-top scenarios of a venue falling through, a groom being suspected of cheating, a dress being left behind, etc. as our leading duo navigate their way through their friends’ nuptials were all a little (*cough lot cough*) exhausting for me. Luc and Oliver lost more than a bit of their initial charm this go ‘round as well and were often downright unlikeable (at minimum, the two needed to break up and seek some serious therapy and medication before attempting an adult relationship ever again). All that being said, the homage to one of my favorite romance films of all time . . . .
Was truly a delightful surprise and I will definitely be first in line once again as the series continues in the way I enjoy most – with a focus on a new character as the lead in future books. (I mean amnesia trope? Yes please. Twice.)
For the most part, when it comes to Alexis Hall . . . .
The problem is he’s just not a very good writer and he literally has zero original ideas. I know, I know, the old saying is that there are no more original ideas, but this fella has made a career out of being a copycat. From regurging out retellings of The Amityville Horror and Rosemary’s Baby and jumping on the bandwagon of final girl stories, I keep picking his new releases up expecting him to finally write something of his own. But sadly that once again was not to happen. This was an obvious shout out to Rear Window, which just so happens to be my favorite film of all time (as well as a super shorty short story It Had To Be Murder). I’m telling you I loooooooove modernizations and can’t get enough. Sadly, Sager here opted to make a copy of a copy and really went in with full gusto on The Woman in the Window with a boozehound unreliable narrator who would have had to have her stomach pumped by noon on the daily. And then I remembered even that has already been done (and better) . . . .
This entire thing was problematic. From the main character having no personality whatsoever aside from being a drunk, to the nearly plagiaristic scenes (example below):
As I bring my gaze back toward the house, sliding it past the back patio strewn with dead leaves and the bare trees on the lakeshore that they’ve fallen from, I notice something on the Royces’ dock. A person. But not just any person. Tom. He stands at the end of the dock, spine as straight as a steel beam. In his hands are a pair of binoculars, aimed at this side of the lake. And at me.
To the non-existent pacing and story development where nearly nothing happened until the 70% mark and then fizzled right back out by 80% - this was a real dud. But you know I’ll read his next book because . . . .
When I was a kid, my grandmother referred to me as an “old soul” because I lived for the selections offered up on Turner Classic Movies. When I heard When I was a kid, my grandmother referred to me as an “old soul” because I lived for the selections offered up on Turner Classic Movies. When I heard The Lioness was about a film starlet and her entourage of sorts going on safari, my brain automatically went to old Hollywood glamour and films the likes of . . . .
I was totally prepared to redeem myself for my one and only lackluster experience with Chris Bohjalian (The Flight Attendant) with this one, but sadly . . . .
What promised to be a kidnapping gone wrong story ended up being pretty much a convoluted mess with so many narrators and backstories there was little to no cohesion in the story. And the kidnapping premise? That was hardly even a plotline at all when taking into consideration the total page count. I think it’s safe to say at this point this author simply isn’t for me....more
This book had been popping up all over the place, so despite my dislike of face covers I went ahead and gave it a shot due to all of the high ratings.This book had been popping up all over the place, so despite my dislike of face covers I went ahead and gave it a shot due to all of the high ratings. And now????
Okay, so two thirds of this book are searching for a girl who has gone “missing” who is clearly not missing. In fact, it seems the other characters started looking for her within minutes of her “disappearance.” If the entirety of the first 200+ pages had been left on the cutting room floor and a new book written about these characters and the stuff going on at the school (trying to only spoil the non-missing Shara shit here, not the whole thing), it could have been a great YA book. All about finding your people and finding love and finding yourself (all at an über Christian private school) with a little WTF is going on with the School Board/Administration thrown in for a bit of mystery. Instead this came off very contrived to my old ass with a cast of underdeveloped characters who seemed to be thrown in just to make sure all aspects of the LGBTQ populous were represented without giving much attention to making them more than cardboard cutouts. And the main characters Chloe and Shara? Dang they were both twats. How did they have any friends at all??? File this under “I’m getting too old for this shit” because I do not get the love at all . . . .
As I said below in a comment to my pal debra I’m going to go ahead and blame my wrongreading on the fact that I am addicted to Every Single Housewives of Every City Ever. (And do you know Dubai is next???? Motherfucking DUBAI!!!!!!! The opulence better be dripping off of those bitches.)
If you aren’t addicted to all of the Househoes, maybe this will work better for you. For me? The “drama” was severely lacking (I mean not one table was to be flipped!) with an overdone trope of someone is dead, but you don’t know who that dragged on and on as a nonstop trip through Dullsville until the final 20 or so pages. I kept thinking the entire time I was reading that I would definitely be recommending Big Little Lies and telling my pals to take a pass here if they had not yet read that one.
But rather than bashing a book that didn’t work for me, let me give you a little refresher course on the type of asshole I am and why I found this one lacking. The other night the Hoebags of Beverly Hills premiered and I. WAS. THERE. FOR. IT. Since I only watch the show and don’t follow any of the ladies in the off season I was completely blindsided that the main topic was going to be Dorit Kemsley’s house getting burglarized. I then went to Reddit to find my tribe and discuss the fact that the entire set up was stinkier than rotten fish. I mean:
1. Kyle already cornered the market on all of her Birkins and mother’s jewelry being stolen a couple of years ago.
2. Who the fuck has an alarm system for a multimillion house that doesn’t have some sort of “rest” feature that allows the people who actually live there to walk around inside without tripping the system at night????
3. It was common knowledge Dorit was on the chopping block and was most likely not going to be invited back to “hold a diamond” and neeeeeeded some sort of storyline to keep her relevant.
4. These crooks show up with nary a dufflebag to carry their wares and have to take a comforter to lug it all down the street.
5. Who then leave her phone at the exit gate (with a flashing light serving as a beacon) so she can call 911?????
6. And finally, the Kemsleys are effing grifters. Dorit's entire tenure has been muddied with lawsuits, bankruptcies and an unfathomable amount of debt to a poor like me (seriously $2MM to the Bellagio???? not to mention the million plus to the IRS). What a lucky break to be able to claim all of these missing valuables with the insurance back at the end of October and pay off some of that money!
Save your “you’re disgusting” or “OMG way to blame a victim!” comments. I know I’m a piece of shit, but I still have a whiff of residual stank in my nostrils from this start to the new season so this book simply paled in comparison to what I’m used to watching on a weekly basis. And I haven’t even watched Atlanta’s debut yet!
About a billion and a half years ago I wrongread Station Eleven. That ancient review has picked up speed once again lately due to the HBO series, but About a billion and a half years ago I wrongread Station Eleven. That ancient review has picked up speed once again lately due to the HBO series, but luckily people who read “smart” books tend to acknowledge others are allowed to have opinions that are different than their own and I have not been trolled (winner!). Due to Emily St. John Mandel’s fanbase not consisting of a bunch of rabid foaming at the mouth trolls and her having a new release that’s been popping up all over Goodreads and The ‘Gram I thought I would give her another shot. And yeah . . . . .
Seriously though, it’s totally me. I get why people like this author. She definitely has writing chops. Unfortunately for me, I was not a fan of alllllllllll the goings on here. It started with the catalyst behind the whole story and the ”why don’t you swallow broken glass” writing on the hotel window. Talk about a lackluster threat. And speaking of the hotel, it was in the book for like five or ten pages. Then you have a bad batch of ecstasy going around that never amounts to anything. A woman who disappears from a ship that doesn’t really amount to anything. A Ponzi scheme that doesn’t really amount to anything (aside from pages upon pages of paper shredding where zero details have been provided for most of the other goings on). An artist with a copyright infringement problem that doesn’t really amount to anything. And on and on and on. It all comes together in the end, sort of, but the destination didn’t end up really being worth the journey for me. Obviously your mileage may vary and again I understand why this author is such a hit for so many. Different strokes/different folks and all that....more
Yep, I really sucked a turtle on this cult classic. Trainspotting popped up because the film was showing on one of the twelve billion channels we overpay for and rarely watch which led me to do what I do best – not watch the movie and instead check out the book.
Be forewarned before beginning that this undertaking is not for the faint of heart. And I’m not talking about the content. I’m not a reader who complains about stories written using accents, but boy oh boy does this one require your undivided attention for a bit before you settle in to the flow. As far as the subject matter goes? I seriously channeled my inner Captain Murtaugh here. The only thing I recall from the movie 100 years ago was the dead baby scene, but even that didn’t have the emotional impact on paper for me. I’m all about uncomfortable subject matter and unlikeable characters, but this one just left me feeling “meh.” Nearly 30 years ago I’m sure this was as fresh and innovative as declared on the bookjacket. Reading it today where opioid addiction has touched nearly everyone in some way, shape or form - these very unconnected vignettes embracing the addict/criminal/rapey/uggo lifestyle was more like reading some sort of shockporn . . . .
The grand opening of the newest branch of “Home” – an exclusive getaway for the rich and famous – that ends up with a body count.
Sounds okay, right? Like a yummy trashy mindless sort of vacation from your problems? Yeah. Well, it sucked. It lost me immediately when the “island” this new supposedly fabulous resort was set on was off the coast of Jolly Ol’ England. WTF? It never stops being winter here. I wanted a sweet escape to the tropics. But setting aside, notes to myself included . . . .
“Meh. Who cares? All of these people can get killed at this point”
and
“Lame”
and
“Snore. This could have been pizzagate – not this boring shit”
and
“Duuuuuuummmmmmmb”
and
“So stupid”
Obviously your mileage may vary. The cover sucked me in, but I thought the content was just turrrrrrrible (™Sir Charles Barkley).
ARC received from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley!...more
I’m sure the intention of The Family was to be some sort of sweeping epic saga covering decades upon decades of the life of the Collichio crime familyI’m sure the intention of The Family was to be some sort of sweeping epic saga covering decades upon decades of the life of the Collichio crime family, but unfortunately the only thing I have to say about this one is . . . .
I’m not about having to read 300 pages to finally get a little bit of interesting. Okay, that’s a lie. While I wish I was not about that type of life the fact that I am incapable of a DNF means I totally live it. And sadly that was the case here. How in the holy hell can a dang MAFIA book be so boring? I mean they even ripped off The Godfather font for the cover page. Do you know what that would have meant back in my day???
Once upon a time, there was a house in the middle of the forest and it stood silently until a group of twentysomethings barged through the door, loOnce upon a time, there was a house in the middle of the forest and it stood silently until a group of twentysomethings barged through the door, looking for ghosts. They ate their dinner. They drank their beer. They played a game to call up the dead from their rest. Except they didn’t have to. The house already knew they were there.
The only thing I have to say about this is . . . . .
Almost painfully so. At first I was trying to give it a pass and saying it’s simply because I’m not a big fan of shorts/novellas, but there’s no forgiving this kind of writing . . . .
Like hell I was going to stand down for an ego swollen as an alcoholic’s liver, bruised black, bleeding warm pus and grief.
Yeah, that’s just turrrrrrrible.
Not to mention the name dropping with zero explanation regarding the various forms of ghosts these morons encounter: ohaguro, kitsune, tengu, yokai, kappa. Hello, I’m a stupid American. Please ‘splain.
But the one thing I do know? The motherfucking SKIN is the body’s largest organ. Y’all should have died. ...more
Kelly (and the Book Boar)
>
Books:
the-great-white-hype
(102)
Loading...
