When I tell you I was willing to shove people out of the way to get my hands on an early copy of Abbi Waxman’s latest release – I’m probably not exaggWhen I tell you I was willing to shove people out of the way to get my hands on an early copy of Abbi Waxman’s latest release – I’m probably not exaggerating much. That’s why it sucks so bad that I didn’t really love it.
I thought this was going to be a “maybe you can go home again” sort of story with an obvious addition of an unrequited love who now gets to be “quited” (I know that’s not a word). And the storyline of an “Amelia Earheart” or “D.B. Cooper” sort of long-thought dead dad returning from the wild had my attention. Sadly, nothing much even happened with the dad stuff until nearly 70% and I didn’t know I was signing up for a porny so that wasn’t really my idea of a great time either.
Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut I still HIGHLY recommend Nina Hill or The Garden of Small Beginnings or Other People’s Houses or I Was Told It Would Get Easier. They all just made my chick lit loving heart go cluck cluck cluck.
2.5 Stars
ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley! ...more
Friendly reminder to authors. Covers are important. Your opinion can differ from mine with respect to the cutesie cartoony cover (me = love ‘em), but similar cover art is never a bad thing when it comes to the ability of old geezers like myself looking for their next read. I loved The Love Hypothesis and still have Love on the Brain on the Kindle to get to eventually – and the reason it got there was because I recognized the art instantly. Honestly, I didn’t even notice Ali Hazelwood’s name on this one because . . .
But then I was chatting my weekly chat with Shelby like we do and when we finally got around to talking books after dissing our husbands for a bit she said she was reading this porny little vampyre/werewolf thing and loving it so obviously I put it on hold at the library.
Now, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve read some leechy shifter shiz, but be still my ever Twilight loving self, this was IT for me! Bonus – it even had a plot and not just smexuals (*cough knotting cough*). If you want your supernatural love to be full on NC-17 rather than PG-13, get a copy of this stat. And if you want some more werewolf smut, I recommend most anything by Suzanne Wright.
This series has been everywhere so of course I had to read it. You don’t need my nothing opinion in order to put it on or keep it off your TBR to begiThis series has been everywhere so of course I had to read it. You don’t need my nothing opinion in order to put it on or keep it off your TBR to begin with so let’s just keep this short and simple:
1. I went into this one blind (other than seeing the cover everywhere) and I’m telling you the title makes no sense with the plot. The title had me thinking it was going to be a second chance romance.
2. I was scared this was going to be one written for CoHo fans and leave me trolled for another effing decade for daring to not love it. I’m happy to report it’s way more like a Kristen Ashley (including never ending page count).
3. Speaking of – WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too long. I told my friend Rachel it’s pretty obvious when an author is writing her own imaginary boyfriends because the pages never stop paging in fear she’ll eventually have to “break up” with her creations.
4. That being said, Val is right that porny pages aren’t like regular pages. I read this in a day because it was highly dialogue driven (and also I skip over the smutty scenes at this point because you read one you read ‘em all and nary a one does anything aside from dry up my ladygarden).
5. This covers many of the tropey tropes. You have a grumpy sunshine/runaway bride/banging the boss/alpha male/dresses like a biker/millionaire/bad guy out to get you/kidnapping/and even a hint of a “fake” relationship.
6. And of course there’s the stupid break up only to make up Hail Mary toss at the end.
Basically, it wasn’t life altering. But you KNOW my bitch ass already requested #2 from the library.
In my own defense please note that I just recently five starred My Favorite Half Night Stand and, although I’m only about 20 pages in, I have a feeling I’m also going to love Just Last Night. Buuuuuuuuut, three stars is about the norm for me when it comes to romances – especially when they follow the typical formula of:
1. Meet cute 2. Immediate hatred but total sexual attraction 3. Do the shibibiddy dibiddy – typically with squicky sex talk or a horrid pet name – in this case “hotness” . . . .
4. Miscommunication/failure to communicate/undisclosed secret gets revealed that causes a third act breakup 5. Make Up 6. Engagement/marriage/whoopsie baby (stars are deducted for accident babies – ain’t nobody got time for that)
There you have it. This was just okay for me. If you know me you know I often don’t read blurbs (especially if there’s a house on the cover). I just assumed this would be a battle of him/her house flippers and even upon starting I thought I was correct. That was not the case and what plot there was simply didn’t cut the mustard for me. And again, HOTNESS?
First things first, I have no idea how this book got put on my radar. My apologies for whoever out there on the intertubes it was who posted something about it for not giving you credit, but be aware that I truly thank you – and my husband will probably thank you later.
The story here is about Georgia and Alec. He was her BFF's older brother, but the family moved across the pond when they were all still just little chitlins. A canceled flight brings the two together and ends in a one night stand. Or potentially more . . . .
Imma put it right out there and say this was a 5 Star book for me. I am a romance failure for the most part and this one delivered. I actually did a little poking around due to some backlash that I’ll get to in a second and I’m here to tell you I do not share most of the complaints others had – some of which are:
1. She doesn’t recognize him. Uhhhh they last saw each other 13 years ago. That’s not weird. Also not weird to not know every celebrity in the universe. Especially when she admits she doesn’t watch television and he became famous in a very niche genre. I’m telling you I was REAL skurrrred this was going to go in a horrible racial stereotype sort of direction from the little I had heard, but ‘twas not the case.
2. Speaking of race – apparently now the pendulum has swung (swang???) all the way around. Last year there wasn’t enough diversity and inclusion in books written by white authors, now apparently they aren’t allowed to write non-whites period. And don’t get it twisted that I’m undermining Own Voices. Obviously the most important voice to be heard is one who actually knows definitively of what they speak, but whitewashing is waaaaay problematic as well.
3. Her job. Ummmmm, do you know how news pieces like this work? She’s not writing a paragraph puff – she’s conducting some serious investigative journalism for a major news outlet with a result that will be a ginormous spread. Those don’t get written in only a minute or two. And us perverts don’t want to read all of her boring work emails, we just need the acknowledgment that she had to answer some and then get back to the banging!
So there’s my defense of some others’ gripes. That being said, a BBA is never an okay thing and literally having your WRITING PARTNER and allllll yo other author besties blurb your new release pretending like they don’t know you????
If you know me at all you know I am not an enjoyer of the people covers. Buuuuuut, when I went to the library site to attempt snagging a copy of My Killer Vacation (which the pornbrarian STILL has not purchased – WTF pornbrary????) the first of these “Romancing the Clarksons” was up for grabs and it apparently just had a recent upcycle into an adorable cutesy cartoony variety that I can’t stay away from . . . .
Sadly that book was shit, but I was intrigued by brother Belmont and with a little eye bleach I went ahead and sucked my barf back and bit the bullet on this cover horribleness. I should have left well enough alone. Oh my word this was just as bad as the first. Good news is, Tessa Bailey has become a much better writer and now that I have experienced the “fool me twice, shame on me” with this series I know not to delve too far into her backlist from this point forward. Not even double virgins and a ginormo peen could save this one!
Tessa Bailey is a fairly new author for me, but I have read a handful of her offerings and they all hit the mark delivering both story and steam. ThisTessa Bailey is a fairly new author for me, but I have read a handful of her offerings and they all hit the mark delivering both story and steam. This one, however . . . .
I expected some hiding of the salami but also expected a decent plot too. The premise here is that four siblings will be traveling cross country to fulfill their mother’s last wish. There was so much potential for that story. But then it most likely would have been a chick lit book and not a porno so I guess it’s my fault for reading it wrong. What I ended up with here was some convoluted mess about a former manwhore who has changed his ways but then falls into instalove with one of the siblings when their car breaks down on the aforementioned road trip. There’s some bizarro cat and mouse for 50% of the book featuring a whole lot of aggressive fingerbanging before the two finally seal the deal and . . . . . yeah. Not great, Bob. There’s only one type of person I would recommend this to. Those who strictly need a book that will help them . . . .
That being said, I would be interested in brother Belmont’s story, but from taking a peek at Goodreads it appears the author moved on from this series before ever getting around to him. Whatevs....more
“I totally thought you were a serial killer when I moved in, you know.”
First things first, major props to the author for capitalizing on what had “I totally thought you were a serial killer when I moved in, you know.”
First things first, major props to the author for capitalizing on what had been a lot of us ladies’ dirty little secret pre-pandemic when we all decided to let our freak flags fly and openly declared our love for . . . .
This title was certainly a “you had me at hello” moment. And it’s probably my fault for reading this wrong, but I spend a solid chunk of my time reading about things like . . . .
So when I’m promised a blurb where Phoebe who has returned to the familial home in order to prepare it for sale after a parent’s death thinks her neighbor might be a serial killer, I want a little more of the serial killer part. Even if neighbor Sam didn’t end up being a killer himself, another neighbor could have been. Worked for one of my favorite all-time films about peepin’ the ‘hood . . . .
Instead the “serial killer” thing was a very brief awkward meet/cute which quickly morphed into a summer session of hiding the salami. I think most will like this more than me, but I’ve become pretty hard to please when it comes to Rom Coms and despite the clever title this one ended up standard fare with an unlikeable (because of “reasons”) leading lady who meets a cardboard cutout magic peen and ends up with a happily ever after for now.
ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley!...more
You might recognize the name Penny Reid from her ever-so-popular Winston Brothers series – or what I more commo“Falling for you was like gravity.”
You might recognize the name Penny Reid from her ever-so-popular Winston Brothers series – or what I more commonly refer to around my house as . . . . .
When I saw Ms. Reid had a new offering up for the taking I was all over it and have been waiting impatiently for my library hold to come around. If you follow me, you might have noticed that I’ve not been imbibing the pornies like I used to. Part of that is due to mood (summers for me = porn and beachy trash / winters = thrillers and not beachy trash), but part of it is also that they alllllll seem to rely on some sort of stupid miscommunication/failure to have a conversation at around the 75-85% marker that makes me want to take my Kindle and just . . . . .
Who has earned the moniker “Training Wheels” because every single girl he has ever dated has immediately found her future husband as soon as they end things. After yet another one has bit the dust causing Rex to return to his hometown for the nuptials he decides to go drown his sorrows. And of all the gin joints in all the world, he just so happens to stumble into Abby’s place of employment. Now Rex may not remember Abby, but she’s harbored a crush on him ever since kindergarten. After a 20 years late meet cute involving drunken pukery, Rex makes Abby an offer she can’t refuse. FAKE MARRIAGE!!!!!!! Complete with a hefty payout and a pre-nup covering Abby’s butt should things go South in the hurry. And you know what that means? WUV – TWUE WUV . . . .
“Been together since high school?” “Preschool,” Rex said before I could speak. “She was a fast runner.” He gazed down at me with dazzling pretend adoration. “But I finally caught her.”
I’m giving this one allllll the Stars for the characters’ aforementioned ability to use their words, for not including a whoopsie pregnancy and for the shout-out to the Knitting in the City guys and gals. You done good, Penny Reid. ...more
Ruin and Rule was my first Pepper Winters ever, but I assure you it will not be my last. In fact, this a twofer series and I already downloaded the second one from the library. This had everything I look for in my smut: a motorcycle gang, leading male with the “V” who you want to bang instantly, leading lady with amnesia (oh tropey yummy!), a build up to a throw down with some bad guys and most importantly not squicky smexytimes. Pure escapism . . . .
My minor complaints are (1) that (like most other pornies) this one could probably have lost 100 unnecessary pages (but again like most pornies it was a superfast read so it really didn’t stop me from getting my sploosh on) and (2) the leading male’s name. ART? Are you fucking kidding me with this? Now the name “Killian” works great for the imagination . . . .
Oh B.B. Easton, where have you been all my life?!?!?!?!?! Seriously though, I can’t believe I’ve never read her smut before now. I’ll be honest and saOh B.B. Easton, where have you been all my life?!?!?!?!?! Seriously though, I can’t believe I’ve never read her smut before now. I’ll be honest and say that despite the fact I am usually gal #1 to Google “was that originally a book?” when a new movie or series is advertised because I am a reader rather than a watcher, I didn’t really have an interest in having anything to do with Sex/Life. You see, not only am I not a huge T.V. fan, but I am also a good girl and like my porn all nicely disguised in the confines of my Kindle rather than bumping and grinding on the ol’ tellie where my teenager could walk in at any moment embarrassing us both for eternity. I also assumed this program had not initially been a book. But then I heard about a *cough certain scene cough* . . . . .
So I Googled “was that originally a book?” while attempting to find said scene via some sort of interweb backdoor in order to maintain my closet voyeurism and not give my husband the wrong impression that I was interested in making the sexytimes. There you have the long and short of how I found my new best friend B.B. Now let me introduce you in case you haven’t met. Goodreads’ friends, meet B.B. . . . .
Therefore, some covert ops must happen in order for her to get the banging she deserves . . . .
After consulting with the devil on my shoulder, I’ve decided to embark on a morally bankrupt psychological experiment with the hopes of transforming Ken into someone warm and affectionate whose love for me is so immense that he needs a tattoo of my name and/or likeness just so that he can better broadcast his feelings for me to the world.
What’s the experiment, you ask???? Well, after the husbot apparently read some steamy offerings in B.B.’s journal he took the bait and gave her a taste of what she was looking for and a plan was hatched . . . .
I’m going to start planting a glossily exaggerated Lifetime movie version of you under the filename Super Private Journal That Ken Is Never, Never Allowed to Read Ever where I will plant completely fabricated stories about my ex-boyfriends designed to inspire Ken to up his fucking game.
And that’s just what she does. Hilarity ensues. I am for real this was laugh out loud funny at times. And also really porny. Like . . . .
I have no idea how this translates to the screen and I have no intention of finding out. This was a hilariously raunchy way to spend an afternoon and that’s all that matters to me : ) ...more
I don’t read nearly the amount of romance books that I used to and despite this being one of my most anticipated reads I ended up feeling just meh aboI don’t read nearly the amount of romance books that I used to and despite this being one of my most anticipated reads I ended up feeling just meh about the whole thing . . . .
I really enjoyed It Happened One Summer, but this just fell flat. While Piper started out as not my cuppa who eventually won me over, I instantly enjoyed Hannah in that first book of the series and am so disappointed she and Fox didn’t do much for me. I thought the pair had such great chemistry the first time I met them, but his “permanent fuckboy” schtick got old fast. And the gimmick of Hannah being a music lover was taken to a whole notha level that only called one image to mind for me. . . .
Maybe I’m getting tired of these formulaic storylines. Maybe I’m just not in the mood for the hibbity dibbity right now. As I said before, I dug the first in this series, I really dug Fix Her Up, and I have the rest of that series already on the Kindle so I’ll continue to read this author for sure. I know as much as anyone that they can’t all be winners no matter how much we want them to be . . . .
Those who have fallen down the Kristen Ashley rabbit hole are well aware that much like a bag of unhealthy snacks, you think you will hate everything Those who have fallen down the Kristen Ashley rabbit hole are well aware that much like a bag of unhealthy snacks, you think you will hate everything about it or be able to stop after one, but then . . . .
My brain has been mush lately so I figured it was the perfect time to read about some hot beef injections. This one was a giant hit for all of my friends, but . . . . .
Yes, Major Buzzill reporting for duty. Despite Law Man having a lot of things that makes me normally like a porny – such as hot neighbor, girl who doesn’t realize he’s into her, hot neighbor who is a hot cop, Russian mob, hot neighbor who is a hot cop who is an alpha, trailer trash kinfolk, hot neighbor who is a hot cop who is an alpha and does the sexy grunty speak – unfortunately there were a couple of other things that ruined my good time . . . .
I don’t like children aside from my own to begin with. When they get added as the driving force behind the plot of my smut???? Well, that leaves my ladygarden looking like . . . .
Oh and one more thing. Every single one of KA’s leading males makes the girl chili the first time he cooks to impress her. Ummmmmmm, really?????? Before you even make the sexies???????
But obviously I need to read allllllllllllllllllllllllll the things so when the library software recommended this to me a dozen or so times I finally gave in. And now I could kick everyone’s ass that the thing that would have really got me on the hook (hyuck hyuck) wasn’t blurbed about. You see, before I became an addict to all things Housewives, I used to be addicted to a different reality show . . . .
And my husband has made me watch The Perfect Storm about eleven thousand and fourteen times. If I would have known this featured a fisherman as the leading male I probably would have been knocking old ladies down in order to be first in line.
So the story here is about Piper an Instagram “influencer” who is best known for throwing a party and spending her stepdaddy’s money. Boomers like me used to call her Paris Hilton. Anyway, after Piper ends up in jail and in the press for her latest soirée ol’ Daddy Warbucks cuts her off and sends her back to the one-horse town where she was born and where the family still owns a little bar. Enter Brendan – sexy widower/boat captain who has no time for Piper’s shenanigans. Until he does, of course, because DUH rom com.
This was practically 5 Stars for me. I loved Piper. Of course I loved Brendan. I loved that there was so much more to the “it girl” than met the eye. I loved that this was actually a rom com that contained some com and had me laughing more than once. The only thing I didn’t love? Cringey sex talk . . . .
Seems once again I’m a bit of a wrongreader here and didn’t fall over myself about this recent Reese’s Book Club selection like all the other2.5 Stars
Seems once again I’m a bit of a wrongreader here and didn’t fall over myself about this recent Reese’s Book Club selection like all the other horny housewives did. Mainly due to the fact that you can’t write about stupid shit such as clothing like this . . . .
Draped in a long-sleeve paisley maxidress plunging to her navel (vintage Dior) and shoulder-skimming beaded earrings (Nairobi street market) …
In suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch detail, but then gloss over the “before” section where two high schoolers meet, bang for a week in a drug addled and self-harm stupor and yet have hardly any pages written about all that.
So the story here is Eva and Shane met as mentioned directly above and then 15 years went by without them ever speaking. It’s hinted that he “broke a promise” which, of course, takes an eternity to ever get around to disclosing and winds up being a trope contained in approximately 112% of all romance novels that could have been wrapped up had the two main characters taken Khalid’s sage advice of . . . .
But I digress and back to the plot. Eva and Shane have both grown up to be successful writers. He’s a Colson Whitehead literary sort, she writes “supermarket checkout porn.” They wind up at a black author book convention where the reader learns that they have both spent their careers writing about the other and eventually they commence the re-banging. Then stuff and things happen and in the end it was just aiiiiiight for me.
I think I need to lower my expectations or fight the FOMO when it comes to Reese’s picks. While I really loved Such a Fun Age, most of her choices seem to miss the mark a bit for me. Most likely because when I see the words “Book Club” my brain wants to go in that Colson Whitehead type of direction or at least be a story that makes you think about things like social issues, race, wealth, bias, etc. all wrapped up in an easy-to-read format as with Such a Fun Age. I read a lot of smut and included in that has been a handful of literary porn too. At the end of the day this was simply a romance that could have used A LOT more pages to fill in the details in what became a very disjointed now/then narrative for me.
Okay, I lie. That’s not all. I should mention if all buddy cop action films ended up with the two alpha males banging each other there’s a solid chance I’d spend more time watching movies with my husband. And rather than my normal response to an offer of “Netflix and Chill” . . . .
I’m not even going to get into the “gay for you” trope being one that is most likely offensive to a bulk of the population. It’s a porno. I can let a lot of things slide for the sake of the almighty sploosh. This was my first Mary Calmes (many thankings to Jilly for the rec) but it sure as shit won't be my last. All the starzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
It’s too cold where I live to take your pants off.
Basically, it’s going to take an intervention to make me stop reading Kristen Ashley books. They are sooooooooooooooooooooooooo formulaic with the bad boy alpha male (this isn’t even her first rodeo with a motorcycle series) and the plot consists of nothing but . . . .
But Imma still read ‘em anyway. I saw somewhere this was compared to Motorcycle Man and that is unfortunate for this book that I saw that before reading it, because uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh NUH-UH. West don’t hold a candle to my boy Tack. Also, DO NOT ever write about shoving a woman unless that woman is about to get shot or catch on fire and you are attempting to save her dumb ass. That’s just a dealbreaker – unrealistic pornography or not.
I thought I had a solid chance of both reading and reviewing this before Shelby ever finished, but alas ‘twas Super Bowl Sunday and I had to make foodI thought I had a solid chance of both reading and reviewing this before Shelby ever finished, but alas ‘twas Super Bowl Sunday and I had to make food and watch the Chiefs suffer a miserable demise so I’m just now getting around to it. I also got sucked into this real good neighborhood trash mob mentality “modern day Crucible” thing that didn’t help matters. Also, it’s below zero so I was not about to leave my couch to go find gifs.
Okay so the story here is about Naya who is known to her two besties to be all work and no play. There’s a reason behind it in the form of an old boyfriend/co-worker who really needed one of these coming to him . . . .
And an opportunity to “flirt with a stranger” pretty much falls on her lap when she finds herself at a happy hour unintentionally flying solo. Enter Jake. In town on business, Naya figures what the hell and lets him buy her a drink, which eventually leads to . . .
Naya is banking on a one-night stand simply to get her back in the saddle, if you will, so when Jake pops back up in her real life, she’s a bit thrown for a loop. What follows is a bunch of smexytimes (those cartoony covers can be tricksters!) and dealing with the spoilery thing from above with the old boyfriend.
I most likely will be a dissenter in the ranks. This was just okay for me. I know the real world is often unfair and things don’t always work out for people who stand up for themselves, but when I pick up a book like this I am pretty much 100% expecting a RomCom and if real-life issues are thrown in I’d at least like my leading lady to be a boss ass muthfucka. This was more than a bit of a bonerkiller so it’s getting 3 Stars....more
Let’s just call the time I spent on this series an unfortunate side effect of the pandemic and additional proof that 2020 sucked a big bag of dicks. ...more
Kelly (and the Book Boar)
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