Sometimes when you are a hot commodity like Swanson has become the powers that be push for moremoremoremoremore and you just don’t have it left in the tank so you barf out a hot mess and slap a $20.00 price tag on a giant pile of turds.
So what didn’t work for me with this latest release? Well – EV.ER.Y.THANG. First off, it was only about 200 pages and yet the dramatic reenactment of me reading it would look something like this . . . .
Second, it was soooooooooooooo fucking boring. Was this started as a short story? I mean if it had been 30-50 pages in some sort of anthology maybe I wouldn’t have hated it so much. But oh my lord all the nothing going on was snoozing me the eff out. And the big reveal? That sucker was more run down and tired than I am. I’m also usually all on board with unlikeable/despicable characters, but again there was nothing here. Girl bangs strange on her bachelorette weekend, ignores the warning signs that her husband-to-be just ain’t all there with his love at first sight and no sense of humor and making all the decisions, and then when shit hits the fan and she should be doing this . . . . .
She does things like goes back to make sure she closed the door. I just can’t handle that type of stupid unless it’s a movie where some sorority girl’s big boobies are bouncing around while she runs directly into the serial killer while wearing only her underwear.
Do yourself a favor – read everything else by Peter Swanson and just pretend this one doesn’t exist. ...more
Luckily I have an awesome library system and was able to get it for free on release day, but just because it’s free does not make it a good story.
I’ve been having a rough go of it with everyone’s favorite Uncle for a minute now, but when I saw that throwback cover and “Hard Case Crime” it conjured visions of Joyland and my fond feelings for that title so I was just sure this would be a winner for me as well. What I know now????
It almost causes physical pain to see you struggle in your attempts with real hep cat vernacular. “Funny as a rubber crutch” – is Jamie 16 or 60????
I’m not exactly sure what this means when it comes to me being first in line for the next release. As long as I can get them for free as loaners I’m sure I’ll keep on being a sucker, but I think it’s probably safe to say . . . .
When a friend of a friend of a friend (or some such fuckery which creates the Goodreads’ feed) posted a status about how this book had been banished from the world of Kindle due to it being so controversial, I knew I wanted a piece of the action. In case you are seeing this little blip due to the same friend of a friend of a friend bullshit, I’m not one who typically shies away from “books that should not be read.” Don’t believe me? Take a look at EXHIBIT A. I read that like 27 seconds after the author showed up at a stranger’s door for daring to give her preshus a negative review. Basically, I ain’t scurrrrrred of any subject matter (and I still can’t wrap my brain around why that author chose to shoot herself in the foot with her own crazy because I farking dug her book.)
I’m withholding my rating here due to the fact that I only read the first 20% freebie which was offered over on Smashwords. I don’t really give a shit if other people rate books they didn’t finish, but since I have never DNF’d a book before, I don’t think it’s fair for me to rate this one. All I have to say about The Wild is . . . .
This thing (well, the first 20%) was soooooooooo stupid. I can’t imagine it going anywhere but downhill. First, let’s address the fact that this family of wannabe Bear Grylls basically pull about 20 feet off the road and then proceed to nearly die. The finger of God helps remove mommy from the scenario so daddy and baby can eventually get to the boot-knocking without a third wheel. Buuuuuuuuut, that’s not before daddy’s little girl GETS FUCKING IMPALED ON A GODDAMN TREE THAT SHE HAS TO LITERALLY CLIMB UP A BIT IN ORDER TO REMOVE FROM HER ABDOMEN. And then dear old dad wads up a dirty dirty t-shirt, plugs it in the hole, calls it good and the two take a nap. WTF?!?!?! From what I’ve read it gets even worse with some inbred breach baby that needs turnin’ before birthin’. I mean, give me a break.
All that aside, let’s get down to what you’re all here for – the pink elephant in the room. I’m no author, but I do know if you want to write something that succeeds in being “dark” or “taboo” you reeeeaaaallllllyyyyy need to be willing to go balls out. There is no way in hell any father would ever wake up one day and decide to have sex with his daughter. Therefore, we readers need to know dude is fucked up like IMMEDIATELY. He can’t be a loving father turned child molester – he has to be a child molester first. If you’re going to go black, it has to be as black as Mitchell’s heart. You have to tell us how this man conditioned his daughter to look to him as his one-and-only from the time she was a little girl. He has to not care about societal norms. He has to be 100% self-centered and not give a shit about how twisted he is. Either that . . . or she has to be a Lolita and he has to be her new stepfather because normal dads don’t do this and even in erotica there’s only so much reality that can be left at the door.
If you want some selections that might test your moral boundaries, allow me to suggest the following:
You – because you never knew how much you wished you had a stalker until you meet Joe.
The Hades Hangmen Series – because nothing gets your motor churning like a girl who was raised in a rapey cult.
Tampa – because you’ll never know how cringey a teacher banging a 13-year old could be until you meet Celeste (and also because the buttonhole cover that looks like a vagina from a distance might be the best cover to be caught in an elevator or on the bus reading).
Nine Minutes – because abduction and Stockholm Syndrome are the purest form of love.
Don’t waste your money on this, but maybe waste it on This is War, Baby because that one has been on my TBR for quite some time and I think I finally need to read it in order to give this author a fair shake....more
FOR GOD'S SAKE WHEN A SERIES IS DONE JUST LET IT BE F-ING DONE!!!!!!!
No more novellas. No more telling the story from
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Because no. Just no.
FOR GOD'S SAKE WHEN A SERIES IS DONE JUST LET IT BE F-ING DONE!!!!!!!
No more novellas. No more telling the story from a different character's perspective. No more "where are they now" (or "where were they before"). NO MORE!
EDIT: I'm a mom to a teen (as of today - waaaaaaaah). Whining on my review of how I'm a "big meanie" or how I "just don't get it" is something I hear on the regular, so save your breath. This is MY review and MY opinion - if you're a Roth superfan go post your own review. I cross my heart I won't come spam it.
EDIT #2: WARNING THE COMMENTS GET ALL SPOILERY, SO ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK : )...more
Kelly (and the Book Boar)
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