Anyone who has ever experienced 9 to 5 life in cube farm hell might be able to relate to Jolene’s passive aggressive email responses which she always writes in white font . . . that is, until the day she forgets to adjust the setting and lets her true feelings fly. Jolene finds herself in a mandatory HR course that will teach her how to behave in the corporate environment, but also comes with an unexpected glitch where she can see EVERYTHING going on by way of the computers. We’re talking not just calendars, but emails and even instant messaging. With rumored “rightsizing” on the horizon, maybe Jolene can use this inside track to become a better version of an employee after all.
Okay, so these hermit-y people with trauma in their past stories might seem like a dime a dozen at this point (I mean I unintentionally found myself listening to one while reading this so they are errrrryyyyywhere), but Jolene’s voice felt so fresh that I really enjoyed this one. I could have lived without Miley the neighbor kid and the drinking issues because they really weren’t necessary whatsoever to me except to add to the page count, but other than that not a whole lot of complaints.
I didn’t have anything queued up to listen to while walking this weekend and thought what the hell – let me hang out with my old pals Stephanie and Lula. If you’re familiar with this series, you know there’s not ever going to be much change to the formula. You have skips that outsmart the gal pals, at least one blown up vehicle, Stephanie gets tased, Lula or Grandma accidentally pop off a couple of rounds from their handguns, Uncle Salvador’s Buick makes an appearance, Ranger says “Babe” a lot, Stephanie’s mom is sneaky drinking hooch and ironing her anxieties away, MEATLOAF, POT ROAST, CLUCK IN A BUCKET AND PINNEAPPLE UPSIDE DOWN CAKE!, there’s a mystery to solve, Stephanie gets kidnapped, Ranger or Joe (or both save the day) and we get the set up for the next . . .
Highlights for this one include a Freudian slip by Stephanie regarding her real age and Lula’s tig ol’ bitties making an appearance where a comparison of her nipples to . . . .
Literally made me LOL so hard this man who was out watering his flowers while I was walking by seemed like he might have been a little afraid of me. Whoops!
These books are my comfort food – and now that I’m dabbling in audio I will definitely continue listening. But I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE the change in format with regard to the titles starting with “Fortune and Glory.” I have an entire shelf that ranges from One for the Money all the way up to this one because the numerical names were “a real pip” as Grandma Mazur would say. I have hunted those hardbacks down in bargain bins and thrift stores for over a decade – but I won’t be adding the rest because the aesthetics are no longer there. Bummer....more
If you’re old here, allow me to apologize for the umpteenth reminder that I am not a blurb reader. If you’re new here – I am not a blurb reader. I am If you’re old here, allow me to apologize for the umpteenth reminder that I am not a blurb reader. If you’re new here – I am not a blurb reader. I am addicted to a cartoony cover and a catchy title so that’s what hooked me here. I’m also always looking for the next . . . .
Or what I like to call the “Mom Com,” and from the title/cover art I thought maybe that’s what this would be. I probably would have skipped it over had I read it was about a very young and ill-prepared financially new mom who takes to Only Fans as a source of income with her fresh-out-of-rehab father as her roommate. That just sounds like A. LOT.
Turns out I sort of loved this one. I guess I’ll always be a fan of an underdog story. And while there were most DEFINITELY times I wanted to shake the shit out of Margo for being so naïve, the way the author broke the fourth wall and had Margo recognizing her errors in hindsight was a smart way to keep me invested.
Maybe venture out of your comfort zone and give this one a whirl in June.
ARC provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review. ...more
The husband was out of town last week so I was perusing the 50,000,000 streaming services we subscribe to for something brainless and fun and cutesie The husband was out of town last week so I was perusing the 50,000,000 streaming services we subscribe to for something brainless and fun and cutesie to maybe watch. I ran across this title and was almost positive it was a book first and turns out I was right. So then I do what I do and I didn’t watch the movie, but instead immediately went to the library to download a copy to read instead.
Now that I’m finished I’m seeing the Goodreads’ rating sits at 2.85?!?!?!?
I’m wondering if maybe Grant Ginder was simply ahead of his time because stories about dysfunction junction starring not the nicest people in the world have become sort of the rage. And these people weren’t even that bad once you got to know them a little. (Except for Mark. He was a real twat.) After being trolled incessantly for daring to not love all the things about Remarkably Bright Creatures - Cameron in particular – it was nice to read a story where the attitudes/behaviors/choices of each character were explained and everyone ended up with a believable redemption arc.
I liked this one enough for several of you who didn’t ; ) I hope the film version is just as good. ...more
Maggie’s marriage is ending only six hundred and eight days after it began (despite being together nearly a decade) . . .
In the movies, you are Diane Lane, or Keaton, or possibly Kruger, a beautiful middle-aged Diane who is her own boss and knows about the good kind of white wine. Usually, you do not continue living with your ex for weeks because you can’t make the rent on your dusty one-bedroom apartment alone. Generally, you are not a glorified research assistant and an advertising copywriter, respectively, whose most important shared financial asset is your one friend who always gets free phones from work. Certainly, you are not supposed to be twenty-eight years old and actively planning a birthday party with the dress code “Jimmy Buffett sluts.”
Looking for love in all the wrong places, continually texting and calling her ex because he said they should keep in touch (and he has their cat Janet, after all) and alienating herself from her friend group for being such a Debbie Downer, she’s having more than a bit of a struggle handling things . . .
From the rating alone, it’s obvious this was NOT for everyone, but oh how I loved it. There’s nothing like making an imperfect fictional friend and this was another example of a “romdramedy” that had me laughing out loud one minute and “bless your heart”-ing Maggie the next.
Oh and if the gifs didn’t clue you in, if you enjoyed Fleabag there’s a solid chance you’ll like this too. ...more
Seeing the paltry 3.26 (!!!!) Goodreads’ rating after taking a looky-look at the synopsis of this one I was sure everyone was just being a hater. BuuuSeeing the paltry 3.26 (!!!!) Goodreads’ rating after taking a looky-look at the synopsis of this one I was sure everyone was just being a hater. Buuuuuuuut now that I’ve read it and am only awarding 3 Stars myself, I get how it came to be.
The problem here is that are actually TWO potentially really solid (talking 4 Star minimum) stories in Sedating Elaine. The first would be the one that coincides with the title. Dear Frances finds herself with vivacious rebound girl Elaine – who, can I just say from the description was 100% . . . .
Frances owes a significant amount of money to her weed dealer so she bites the bullet and asks the wealthy Elaine to move in with her in order to ask her for the dough rather than a loanshark. Immediately upon cohabitation, Frances comes to realize there’s no way she can keep up with Elaine (and that’s in generic energy levels, actual physical activities such as running or her sexual appetite). How to solve the problem? A little sedation and a truly laugh-out-loudable dark comedy.
The other half of the novel is a maudlin tale of Elaine’s inability to move past traumas (sad ones, but thankfully not anything sexual or abusive) that happened when she was a child. She spends as much time as she can at the restaurant job she loves – but is unwilling (or feels undeserving) of moving beyond basic KP duties. She has no real friends (although well liked by her co-workers) and spends all of her time alone except when she is engaging in meaningless sex until she meets the too-goo-to-be-true Adrienne. The writing in this portion is hauntingly beautiful at times.
The problem lies that these two stories do not comingle well. Good news is this was Dawn Winter’s debut novel and she has proven to have some quality writing chops. I’ll definitely be looking for what she comes up with next.
ARC provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review....more
I never read friends’ reviews before starting a book for some bizarro unfounded fear I have of accidentally plagiarizing their stuff, but I do occasioI never read friends’ reviews before starting a book for some bizarro unfounded fear I have of accidentally plagiarizing their stuff, but I do occasionally take a peek at their ratings and absolutely was going to start my thoughts here with Joan is Okay is . . . okay (just like my friend Michelle did!).
So the story here is about, you guessed it, Joan. It’s partially about the grieving (or lack thereof) process, partially about the immigrant experience, partially about being a woman of a certain age who has no children or partner, partially about competing in a male dominant industry, partially about family and home, partially about Covid, and just a titch of snide humor (which Joan, I’m sure, isn’t even aware she has). It’s told in a free association sort of style with no punctuation indicating dialogue, no chapter breaks, etc. And it’s . . . okay. I read this because it popped up on some of the “Must Reads of 2022” lists. I’m just not smart enough to get what makes this one so special, I guess.
My main complaint (I’ve read enough Cormac McCarthy that the lack of quotation marks will never be an issue for me) was that Joan started off as an obviously “quirky” character – who noted every person she came across by height and weight, mimicked facial expressions and hand gestures because she was unsure of her own, found solace in “friendships” with anthropomorphized objects like the Roomba or the hospital ECMO, was unintentionally funny at times as mentioned above, etc. But then that stopped. And I'm not exactly sure why . Joan had had no epiphany . . . it was like the author either forgot about or simply tired of her own gimmick.
Strangely enough, the things I liked most about this were the mundane items I would normally complain about. Descriptions of food and language and particularly Covid. Go figure ; )
Hide yo kids and hide yo wives ‘cause Kelly (and the Book Boar) is posting not one but TWO Five Star reviews today! Which leads to the question – whatHide yo kids and hide yo wives ‘cause Kelly (and the Book Boar) is posting not one but TWO Five Star reviews today! Which leads to the question – what makes a five star read for you? For me the perfect rating is purely a result of my enjoyment. Trashy romances, chick lit, thrillers, highbrow literature can all earn the coveted full monty if I feel a connection. And a connection to an often unlikeable character who I have very little in common with? Well, that’s like spotting a unicorn.
All This Could Be Different features a twenty-two year old unnamed until the second portion of the book main character who has recently graduated from college and relocated to Milwaukee for a job as an entry level project consultant at a Fortune 500 company. This new job affords Sneha the luxury of being able to send money to her parents as well as recruit a fellow college pal into the company. The story follows our lead while she tries to navigate her way through “adulting” for the first time, while also living with constant reminders of her father’s deportation and trauma from her past – both while things are going well and when her newly formed world begins to fall apart.
As I said above, I didn’t have much in common with this group of characters, but boy oh boy did I find myself invested in their lives. This one won’t be for everyone, but if you give it a go I hope you have the same result as me . . .
The meaning of refrain is split. Doubled. To refrain means to stop, to hold yourself back from something, keep yourself in check. But a refrain also points us to repetition. A song’s refrain, constantly returned to. What is the thing that is remembered because it is constantly returned to? think of the ballerina on a child’s jewelry box. The refrains of our lives are the moments we revolve around, maybe the moments that were stopped too soon, stopped before we were ready, and so we are frozen, pirouetting in time, always thinking on the possibility that might have been. If only. If only....more
A novel about the “long-lasting cognitive effects of traumatic overwhelm. It’s a comedy.”
Here’s another new voice and another ARC I was lucky enouA novel about the “long-lasting cognitive effects of traumatic overwhelm. It’s a comedy.”
Here’s another new voice and another ARC I was lucky enough to receive from the publisher but failed to ever pick up. Then it was announced as a contender for the Center for Fiction’s Debut of the Year and that was finally enough to get my ass in gear.
Post-Traumatic is, you guessed it, about a woman who has some severe PTSD stemming from an abusive childhood. The book follows Vivian along as she attempts to overcome her past in order to be a functioning adult in the present. It’s heartbreaking at times and also brutally and darkly funny . . .
“White people loved this book . . .”
“How is it?”
“Well, I was kind of into parts of it but then the narrator said something like ‘The worst thing about child abuse is empathizing with your abuser’ and I got annoyed. I’m like, no. The worst part about child abuse is being the only girl in your kindergarten class with HPV.”
This one won’t be for everyone. You have to be okay with a broken person and truly bleak subject matter. It definitely comes off as a debut at times when Johnson veers away from her characters’ voices and leans into the territory of . . . .
No, wait, that’s not right. This is the story of a billionaire (Robbie), a failed author (Wade), an artist turned stay-at-home mom (Blair) and a daytime television talk show producer (Cat) who gather together for one last hurrah on Fenwick Island at Robbie’s request in order for him to tell them all he is dying of pancreatic cancer. Robbie also has intentions of turning all their lives around . . . . but life doesn’t always go according to plans.
At least once a year I grab a book with a synopsis of friends gathering with the hopes that the story will be reminiscent of one of my all-time favorites . . . .
Nearly 100% of the time they are not, I am disappointed, and then I repeat the cycle in a few months. While I’m sure others would be able to make valid arguments of where this story was lacking, I simply cannot or will not. It made me feel everything I was hoping to feel. I wanted to be friends with these people. It made me laugh, it made me cry . . . well, okay I’m still more than a bit robotic and since I knew immediately Robbie was dying I was able to suck the sad right back into my black heart where it belongs . . . but still it made me feel. Nostalgic most of all and that right there, my friends, is worthy of 5 Stars all on its own....more
Despite all the razzing our dear ol’ Goodreads takes on the regular, I’m pretty sure its Summer Reading List gets the credit for this one even going oDespite all the razzing our dear ol’ Goodreads takes on the regular, I’m pretty sure its Summer Reading List gets the credit for this one even going on my radar. I picked Just By Looking at Him up for the cover since it is most definitely of the variety I love carrying around the office with me for all of the pearl clutchers to see. I didn’t know much else before beginning.
On paper, this shouldn’t have been a hit for me. I’m an old, fat, straight, white lady who really does not enjoy storylines involving cheating (or millennials) and this puppy was chock full of both. And despite being a fogey I never watched Queer as Folk back when it was originally on (in my defense, it’s not because I hate gays, it’s because I was too poor back then to have Showtime). Now all I watch is trash reality so there’s little chance I’ll ever watch the revamp. But that’s where Elliot comes in. He too is a connoisseur of all things Bravo - in fact, his live in boyfriend Gus is a story producer for The Real Housewives of Orange County!!!!!! . . . . .
And that’s how we pretty much hit it off immediately. I also don’t shy away from details of sexual activity and read pornies as palate cleansers, so the smex stuff was A-okay by me. Also, some of my best friends are gay (ha! made you cringe!) and young, so I was able to overlook my own oldster heteronormative relationship dealbreakers like infidelity – especially when Elliot dubbed it the “Cumspringa” making me LOL for realsies. Annnnnnd I’ve made it well known that the loveable losers are my most favorite fictional friends so me adoring all things Elliot was pretty much kismet. But most importantly . . . .
…he agreed that Kyle Richards wasn’t the most compelling Housewife but that she’s an excellent producer and provides access to her sisters, Kathy Hilton and Kim Richards, who are national treasures
I started to wonder about Pink, if she’s ever brought a sex worker into bed with Carey Hart. Are they still married? They were very on-again, off-again, quite the seesaw, but also why the hell did I know this? I’m not remotely a Pink fan. What precious memory in my brain had to die so Carey Hart’s name could live?
Elliot is my lobster and Ryan O’Connell your novel should be treated like it’s going to be the new Sally Rooney. You are worthy of all of the stars and also should I ever get the opportunity please note that I would stalk the crap out of you and Jonathan Parks-Ramage, but not in a wear you like a skin suit way. Promise....more
I wanted this one as soon as I saw the title. For those of you in the know, you’ll recognize right away this is most likely in some way, shape, or form a story about a restaurant . . . .
As I said, I was interested in this simply for the title and cover and actually broke my own practice of not reading the blurb. When I found out this really was going to be about a family owned restaurant, and not only that but one in Chicago that jumps off when this has occurred . . . .
Wellllll, you might be able to take the girl outta Illinois, but you can’t take the Illinois outta the girl.
I’m not sure about “outrageously funny,” but this really was a charmer. I love stories about families and I love the “fly on the wall” approach to storytelling where you’re just plunked in the middle of the Sullivans’ dynamic and get to enjoy the ride. This one was light on the drama, and heavy on the maybe you can go home again.
Warning to anyone who lives in the Oak Park suburb: You may find yourself triggered by the accuracy of this author’s knowledge . . . .
“I want to live in a place where people care about each other. Where people aren’t just showing off for each other.”
“You think people in Oak Park aren’t showing off for each other? It’s just about different things, like who has the most tote bags and who’s the most vegan of all the vegans.”
#nailedit
I loved this book.
♬♪♫ Hey Chicago whaddya say? The Cubs are gonna win today! ♫♪♬...more
Housebreaking is a hard one to rate because really the story isn’t quite there. Del discovers she has inherited a small plot of land and th
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Housebreaking is a hard one to rate because really the story isn’t quite there. Del discovers she has inherited a small plot of land and the house she grew up in due to her real estate developer uncle needing it for a new subdivision he is planning on building. Rather than simply selling out, she gets ol’ Chuck to agree to reduce the lump sum, but also give her a different plot across the pond where she can move the house. Buuuuuuuut, she has no intention of actually moving the house. She’s simply going to tear it apart board by board and drag everything across the pond where she’ll dump it on tarps. The existing structure is already without any sort of gas or power and she’s doing this over the course of the winter . . . in New England.
You see my dilemma? The plot is pretty terrible. The saving grace here are the characters. Del (despite her personal hygiene issues), Tym, Eleanor, the new friends Del makes and even some of the Murrows ended up being a total delight. If you enjoy the loveable loser, “maybe you can go home again” types of tales and can tolerate a questionable storyline in order to simply hang around these folks for awhile, the characters and dialogue might be enough to win you over.
3.5 Stars and I’m rounding up because I hate everyone, but I liked Del.
ARC received from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley! ...more
Normal people say, I can’t imagine feeling so bad I’d genuinely want to die. I do not try and explain that it isn’t that you want to die. It is thaNormal people say, I can’t imagine feeling so bad I’d genuinely want to die. I do not try and explain that it isn’t that you want to die. It is that you know you are not supposed to be alive, feeling a tiredness that powders your bones, a tiredness with so much fear. The unnatural fact of living is something you must eventually fix.
I have no words. This book broke my robot heart and I cried the ugly cry for nearly all of the day while I was reading it. But it was also laugh out loud funny at times and I’m also maybe a little concerned that Meg Mason has some sort of nanny cam situation set up in my house because I think I might be Martha.
This one resonated with me on an entirely uncomfortable personal level ha-ha. I have no clue if others would have the same reaction as I did, but I would love to find out . . .
“Little daily miracles, illuminations, something-something, Woolf matches. Do that. Do what Virginia says.” ...more
I’ve seen Yinka referenced as an updated Bridget Jones and I’ll certainly allow it. Like my darling Bridg, Yinka is a bit of a lost soul. At 30-somethI’ve seen Yinka referenced as an updated Bridget Jones and I’ll certainly allow it. Like my darling Bridg, Yinka is a bit of a lost soul. At 30-something the man she was with for three years and was positive she would marry has dumped her. Her sure-to-be promotion has instead resulted in her termination due to redundancy. Her best pals all seem to be moving on to different phases of their lives, leaving her in the dust. Not to mention her pregnant sister has Yinka’s mother beating the dead horse asking “where is your huzband?!?!?!?!?!”
For the most part I thought this was an okay debut, but definitely one where the end message has to be worth the struggle of the story as a whole in order to obtain a high(er) rating. The major complaint I had was poor Yinka severely needed an . . . .
It finally came, but not before I had made a least a dozen notes regarding her personality being more befitting of a 13 year old rather than a grown woman. Talk about someone with zero social clues when it came to the opposite sex! But aside from wanting to shake the shit out of her when it came to matters of the heart, I mostly enjoyed reading about Yinka and her friends. While the culture may have been different, the trials and tribulations will be familiar to many women (get married/have babies or you’re a failure) and Yinka’s personal issues with self-esteem and self-worth due to her dark skin was something readers will empathize with.
But if you’re looking for a romance, this is not the book for you. This one is all about learning how to love YOURSELF....more
All you have to do is take a gander at the Goodreads’ rating and you’ll see that Janet is not for everybody. She’s my lobster, though, so she’s getting many of the Starzzzzzzzz. The story here is about, you guessed it, Janet. Janet has embraced her sad, but it’s an inconvenience for her family so they stage an intervention in order to get Janet to sign up for a new pill that is guaranteed to turn your frown upside down in order for those around you to be able to tolerate you during the holidays. The name? Santa’s Little Helper . . . .
I’ll be honest and say there isn’t a whole lot of story going on here. The magic is all in Janet’s voice so let me share a few quotes that made me fall in love with her . . . .
Happiness is not on my radar. I want other things. Like control over my life, my body. Like being able to get through a day without feeling like I’m doing it wrong. I want to feel all my feelings, not swallow them, and if they swallow me, so be it.
You can’t just sit in your room listening to the Smiths, Janet! my mother used to say, and I’d say, I think Morrissey would disagree.
I see It’s a Wonderful Life is showing at the Rialto. I saw it once, out of curiosity, because I thought a Christmas movie about suicide sounded right up my alley, but I couldn’t take it. I thought, I’d throw myself off a bridge too, if I had those annoying kids. And Mary’s worst fate is that she ends up a librarian? Everyone knows librarians are the best people.
So as I said above, my lobster. The loveable loser has always been a fave and when I was growing up my nickname was Melancholy Blue. Never have I felt such a connection to a character and as Janet says . . . .
Fuck off, I don’t need your permission to feel my feelings. I didn’t need your permission to accept my stretch marks, and I don’t need it for this either. ...more
With a recommendation of Undermajordomo Minor that ended up being such an unexpected delight.
The story here is about a young man named Lucy (short for Lucien) who takes a position at the Castle Von Aux as – you guessed it – the Undermajordomo. The details of his employment are sketchy at best, with little talk about what he will be paid or when he will be paid it, but the rules are pretty clear. Be in your room by 10:00 and don’t forget to lock the door. The Baron of the castle is to know nothing about his employment as well, and if olde times, a creepy castle and a Baron make you fondly recall your time with What We Do In The Shadows . . . . .
Like it did me, you’re not far off the mark. What follows is the story of Lucy’s tenure at the castle – full of adventure, thievery, sexual exploits, murder and . . . .
An ex once diagnosed our narrator Gilda with imposter syndrome. Now that she’s taken a job as the receptionist for a Catholic church (while maintaininAn ex once diagnosed our narrator Gilda with imposter syndrome. Now that she’s taken a job as the receptionist for a Catholic church (while maintaining her status of atheist lesbian), attempting to learn the order of mass like she’s cramming for the SATs, and assuming the online persona of her deceased predecessor, she’s starting to think maybe there’s something to that.
Told almost in a vignette style of delivery rather than a flowing A-Z narrative, Everyone In This Room Will Someday Be Dead ended up being quite a delightful surprise for me. I always seem to gravitate toward the “loveable loser” or main character with a case of arrested development and Gilda was not an exception. Add in some truly hilarious dark-ish comedic moments and a compact size and this one was a real winner.
A case of “Bookstagram made me do it” that ended up with a smile on my face rather than a scowl. ...more
Want an embarrassing confession? I received and read an ARC of this back in 2020 and really liked it. And then never wrote a review (typical). Then I Want an embarrassing confession? I received and read an ARC of this back in 2020 and really liked it. And then never wrote a review (typical). Then I came across it again and noticed the low rating so I read it AGAIN in September of this year in order to know what I was talking about when I finally reviewed it. And then I still never wrote a review . . . .
I mean you ain’t kiddin’! Dear Authors: Want help selling absolutely ZERO copies of your latest release? Well then give ol’ Kelly an early copy and watch her do nothing with it!
So obviously at 3.32 this one wasn’t for everyone, but if you occasionally enjoy reading not-so-enjoyable people and can ride it out knowing that Jenny’s behaviour will be explained/she will get her redemption arc I highly recommend this take on arrested development. I’ll happily be the wrongreader here with my love for this one.
ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley!
Remember this is fake. Remember this is fake. Remember this is fake.
Boyfriend Material is one of (I’m ashamed to report) more than a handful of boRemember this is fake. Remember this is fake. Remember this is fake.
Boyfriend Material is one of (I’m ashamed to report) more than a handful of books I read last year and really loved, but never posted about. I could blame the pandemic, but really it’s just because I’m a twat (this is a British book so it’s A-okay to use that term here). Anyway I love Alexis Hall and have for quite some time so I decided to give this a quick re-read in order to write a "proper" review - which I am obviously not even attempting to write. I’m so happy others have finally discovered what a gem his stories are and that he has finally made it to "mainstream" marketing and Target shelves and whatnot. I highly encourage you all to check out some of his other stuff. Glitterland and Pansies are two I never hesitate recommending. All the Stars for this one as well. Man oh man am I a sucker for a Mr. Darcy/Mark Darcy type and when you add in a fake dating trope and quality mates like Bridget Jones had, well that just equals . . . .
Things to note - this is a fade to black smexytimes sort of delivery (which somehow remains very smexy) so if you like your smut not so smutty you needn't shy away. This takes place in Shoreditch which is apparently my dream place to live because I don't think I've ever given a book less than 4 Stars that has taken place there. And finally, you might need to invest in some adult diapers because this is adorably funny . . . .
“What are you doing?” “I’m not sleeping in a three-piece suit, and meaning no disrespect, I don’t especially want to borrow any of”—he made a circular gesture that encompassed the various piles of crap strewn across my floor—“this.” “That’s fair.” A thought occurred to me. “Hey, does this mean I finally get to meet the V-cut?” He gave a weird little cough. “You will be passing acquaintances at best.” “I’ll take it.” I bounced onto my newly Oliver-approved bed and knelt there, rumpling the duvet, and gazing somewhat shamelessly as Oliver undid his shirt. “Lucien,” he said. “What you’re doing right now looks suspiciously like ogling.” I cupped my hands round my mouth. “Off. Off. Off.” “I’m not a stripper.” “You’re literally stripping right now. I’m just encouraging you.” “What you’re doing is embarrassing me.” He removed the shirt, folded it neatly, realised there was nowhere to put it, and stood there in confusion. But. Oh holy God. You normally had to pay money to see something like that. I mean, we were talking grooves, ridges, just the right amount of hair—fuzzy, not furry—and even a couple of playful little veins snaking up from beneath the waistband of his trousers. Fuck. I wanted to lick him. Double fuck. I suddenly realised I could never ever take my clothes off in front of this man. “What’s the matter now?” asked Oliver. “And where can I put my shirt?” “I…I…I’ll find you a hanger.” And some kind of, I don’t know, beekeeping outfit for me. Something nicely covering....more
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