First off I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge that this may very well end up being my one and only nonfiction selection for Nonfiction November. First off I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge that this may very well end up being my one and only nonfiction selection for Nonfiction November. When presented the opportunity to pick up something important or to take a deep dive further into my trash addiction, I will most likely always choose the latter . . . .
Oh, I assure you it is the most delicious kind. I didn’t realize when I requested that the library obtain a copy of this title that it was going to come in as a ginormo puppy squisher at nearly 500 pages. This is for the Housewives superfan. The ones like me who have missed nary an episode of any iteration in over a decade. The ones who decorate for the holidays as soon as the clock strikes midnight on November 1st and then scream things like this at their family until the New Year . . . .
I took a little gander at the first fistful of ratings and (aside from fairly obvious sockpuppetry) I was surprised to see how many low reviews I found. The main issue seems to be that Bravo had final say-so in what was said, but I ask you – why in the hell wouldn’t they do whatever they could to protect their cash cow? And as far as the complaints go about “favorites” being played with the various wives – again D.U.H. We all have our favorites – I’m not stupid enough to think that doesn’t go for Andy as well. As long as everyone agrees that Kandi Burruss is magic, I won’t have to cut a bitch ; )
At the end of the day, this is a Real Housewives compendium. Told in interview format, it rehashes some of the most memorable events city by city from the OC to Potomac. (Sadly, Salt Lake City isn’t included, but since it’s only in Season 2 it makes sense.) What struck me the most is how mind boggling it is that this franchise can continually metamorphosize itself whether through cast flipping or changing storylines and yet remain so successful. While not everything works for everyone, it’s pretty clear that as a whole this sucker simply works.
So if you want to hear play-by-play about moments such as . . . . .
Okay, I lie. That’s not all. I should mention if all buddy cop action films ended up with the two alpha males banging each other there’s a solid chance I’d spend more time watching movies with my husband. And rather than my normal response to an offer of “Netflix and Chill” . . . .
I’m not even going to get into the “gay for you” trope being one that is most likely offensive to a bulk of the population. It’s a porno. I can let a lot of things slide for the sake of the almighty sploosh. This was my first Mary Calmes (many thankings to Jilly for the rec) but it sure as shit won't be my last. All the starzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
It’s too cold where I live to take your pants off.
Basically, it’s going to take an intervention to make me stop reading Kristen Ashley books. They are sooooooooooooooooooooooooo formulaic with the bad boy alpha male (this isn’t even her first rodeo with a motorcycle series) and the plot consists of nothing but . . . .
But Imma still read ‘em anyway. I saw somewhere this was compared to Motorcycle Man and that is unfortunate for this book that I saw that before reading it, because uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh NUH-UH. West don’t hold a candle to my boy Tack. Also, DO NOT ever write about shoving a woman unless that woman is about to get shot or catch on fire and you are attempting to save her dumb ass. That’s just a dealbreaker – unrealistic pornography or not.
Oh 2020 – So far you’ve delivered a pandemic, swarms of locusts and murder hornets, cycloFind all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
Oh 2020 – So far you’ve delivered a pandemic, swarms of locusts and murder hornets, cyclones, hurricanes (even a surprise July tornado a few miles North of me last week here in flyover country that had the sirens blaring), raging wildfires, social uprising, deaths of more than a handful of beloved famous people, etc., etc., etc. You’ve been a trial for sure . . . .
Sad as it may sound, Stephenie Meyer having a rethink about releasing the ol’ Midnight Sun may be just what a lot of us needed right now. I’m not going to bother discussing literary merit or writing ability generically, nor will I be opining on the “toxicity” of a fictional relationship between a Sparkle Vampire and a Mary Sue (I just know as an old lady my supernatural books tend to have a lot more penetration than these children’s novels). Hell, I’m not even going to rate it because *spoiler alert: Edward was sooooooo boring in this and Goodreads does not have negative stars* All I know is I was absolutely compelled to be a completionist of this series, saved a gift card from Mother’s Day until August just so I could get my hands on it the day it released without any guilty conscience whatsoever and that it sucked two entire days of my life up in a time where the minutes drag on like years. It did exactly what it was supposed to do.
I would loooooooooooooooooooove to read New Moon from Jacob’s perspective next . . . .
And zero fucks are given. I am #twihard #twitard #twimom #teamjacob4eva #loser whatever other lame hashtags someone wants to throw at me and I diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie for this release.
My hatred for face covers has so far overpowered my addiction to house covers. Dilemma!
Anyway, house cover = I usually channel my inner Veruca Salt and go in blind without bothering to even sneak a peek at the blurb. Thus was the case here and when I discovered this was going to be about a woman who accidentally killed her brother while driving drunk who is married to the dude who pulled her from the wreckage but whose old boyfriend from the time ends up being the new next door neighbor. Well that made me do the . . . .
I wasn’t really surprised. Buuuuuuut, I’m someone who actively seeks out the most wretched Lifetimey goodness for my viewing pleasure and obviously gets my jollies off of reading books that can only be categorized as . . . . .
I thought I wouldn’t enjoy this one so much after just coming down off my John Marrs high, but I was mistaken. I liked it quite a bit as well. The only thing I was a titch disappointed in (and trust that I'm disgusting for even mentioning it) was the very last little reveal at the end. Since I am oh-so-accustomed to that final GOTCHA, I was totally expecting ACTUAL SPOILER AHEAD(view spoiler)[Sarah’s demanding of a DNA test be due to the fact that she was potentially pregnant with her brother’s child (hide spoiler)]. Because I am a garbage human . . . . .
In case you aren’t familiar with this series, here is a gifified Cliffs’ Notes to catch yFind all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
In case you aren’t familiar with this series, here is a gifified Cliffs’ Notes to catch you up. Each of them starts with a male and female lead who are not meant to be together. It may be for a hate-to-love trope, or an ill-fated romance or (in this case) because a relationship between the two is strictly verboten, but whatever the case they can’t be together. Which then pretty much immediately morphs into the first 40-50% of the books going a little something like this . . . .
Eventually they stop being only a bangfest and you get a little emotion and depth and then they end in a happily-ever-after and you go to the library either the next day or the next month to get the next one because . . . . .
I’m not even kidding either. I mean, I pretty much creamed my jeans over Motorcycle Man which was the jumping off point that spurred this Chaos series, but none of the other books particularly knocked my socks off. I keep reading ‘em though! It’s been a couple of years since my last foray into Ashley’s motorbiker world, but the time change totally fucks me up and my job changed again a couple of weeks ago and Billy’s book hadn’t been released yet (you know what I’m talking ‘bout if you are a pornohead) and I should have just bought Crux Untamed, but this was available at the library and I needed some trash so I figured what the hell.
I had told myself I wasn’t going to read this because I wasn’t a super fan of the leading male throughout the series. Not only is it hard to picture anyone other than my husband . . . .
When they have the same name, but this dude was like literally a fucking nutcase who slit dude’s throats for a living, but since I know how these KA stories go, I knew he’d go from crazy to . . . .
What I didn’t know was that Ashley is a bit out of touch with all forms of humanity and she would present the leading lady with long black hair down to her butt and an excessive amount of bone necklaces and feathers and bullshit to let us know just how Native American she was . . . .
(If you didn’t think I was going to take that easy layup of a joke, you obviously don’t know me very well.)
I also didn’t know that the reason these two were forbidden from being together was because her husband was murdered and a “brother” can’t ever bang another brother’s old lady. WTF?!?!?!?!?
So FUCKING 18 YEARS goes by and then they finally admit they have feelings. But they have to keep it secret and will just be fuck buddies and then will still keep it secret even though he is pretty much moved into her house and then he has to get the shit beat out of him by anyone who thinks they shouldn’t be together due to this absolutely assbackward mindset where apparently you are still cheating on your spouse even though he’s already rotted in the grave for fucking eternity before moving on. And THEN to top everything off it has to end with them having a baby – despite her being in her mid-40s and having not one but TWO grown ass men children already because EVERY old broad like me just dreams of starting all over again for another 18 years . . . .
JFC – not everything has to end with a baby. Or even getting married. They could have just shacked up for the rest of their lives and that would have been good enough for me.
Oh, and one final thing: The cartel B.S. is still hinted about sporadically in this one. I assume this whole sub-story will come to a head in the final book, but what a freaking waste of time and pages it has been so far. Either shit or get off the pot already.
“We’ve said we’ll give it till the end of the month and then . . . “
“And then what?”
“Then we kill them.”
Starting in the present where there is, in fact, a dead body and immediately reversing eight weeks into the past so the reader can learn exactly who is dead and how they came to be that way, Louise Candlish’s newest release might make some reminiscent of Liane Moriarty’s approach to storytelling in Big Little Lies. Simply put, this is my wheelhouse. I freely admit that as soon as I see a cover with a house in it, I’m all like . . . . .
I offer up zero apologies for reading this. I have been addicted to EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of the Housewhores franchises from inception. Be it table flipping and prostitution whores to the Broke Black Bill Gates I watch them all in nearly religious binge-type marathon sessions (in the bed with coffee and donuts) once I have a backlog of several saved up on the DVR and all the male humans out of the house on a weekend morning. Some “characters” (because lord please tell me they are at least somewhat putting on a show) I love to hate (like that fucking Siggy Flicker – UGH!) – some I love to love (Lisa Rinna and Kandi Burris – I mean come on how could you not????) – some I want to love (Dorinda Medley) – and then there’s Erika. I think I love her because . . . . .
To a “trophy wife” status that has lasted nearly 20 years (how long the rest of them haterasses been married, amIrightoramIright???), who created an alter ego pretty much out of boredom and nearly at middle-age after she ran out of things to remodel in her house that currently stands in the record books as Billboard’s #42 dance track artist of all time.
Obviously this wasn’t any sort of life changer – and truthfully it really it didn’t even offer much insight with regard to things I’m dying to know about (like WHERE did the Glam Squad boyzzzzzz come from and how much do they get paid to be awesome and are they just on call all the time or does she schedule them like three days out and how do they find things like designer latex blouses and oh my god I am so in love with those fellas). However, I’ve nevereverever felt compelled to read one of these Ho’s books before so it gets 3 Stars. After all . . . .
When Georgina was only sixteen she thought she had found her one true love in Calvin. Things didn’t work out quite as planned, though, and he turned out to be a serial killer known as the Sweetbay Strangler. His first victim? Geo’s best friend, whose remains went undiscovered for 14 years. Once the body is discovered all sorts of skeletons start falling out of closets.
After reading Creep by this author, I knew I would need to seek out more of her stuff in the future. Good news is, I convinced the pornbrary that I cannot live on smut alone and they recently purchased some of her other books. Great news is I totally broke all the rules about how to act like a decent person and begged for an ARC of this one because stabby stabby in love with a freakin’ murderer?!?!?!?!
I. JUST. COULD. NOT. WAIT. for publication day. But then I was terrified I would hate it and get blacklisted from all ARCs for eternity and also probably receive an e-mail saying I’m the reason why I can’t have nice things. Luckily the first didn’t happen and seriously I would not blame anyone for doing the second. Simply put in order to prevent a whole lotta spoilsies . . . .
“In every story, there’s a hero and a villain. Sometimes one person can be both.”
Occasionally I fantasize about what I would fill my to-read suitcase with if I got to go to someplace like Mallorca and do things like this . . . . .
Rather than sitting in the middle of a sweltering dust bowl of a baseball diamond in Kansas watching my kids play ball all summer. Jar of Hearts is the type of book I want in that suitcase. I’m giving it every star. I couldn’t put the dang thing down and I was completely enraptured by alllllll of the different aged Geos I got to meet. I did figure out the first “twist” pretty quickly, but am happy to report I was a little slow on the uptake regarding the big shebang at the end and didn’t catch on to that until it was pretty much shoved in my face.
Oh, and in case you’re wondering: Yuuuuuuuuup. I have absolutely been singing Christina Perri ever since this arrived in the mail. My family really appreciates when I get to the part where I screech belt out . . . .
Here's another overdue book review for your viewing displeasure. I just realized I read tFind all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
Here's another overdue book review for your viewing displeasure. I just realized I read this on Valentine's Day. Ha! No wonder my husband didn't get any play!!!
I wanted to read Gods and Monstersimmediately. First, dat cover . . . .
Dude and dudette did run away together à la Romes and Jules, but things went off the rails completely when they decided revenge on the Montagues and Capulets . . . I mean their parents should come in the form of engaging in copious amounts of sex without protection despite being broke as a joke and completely incapable of taking care of themselves, yet alone a tiny human, and when that wasn’t enough starring in a porno together. In the immortal words of Sir Charles Barkley, there’s only one thing to say about this book. It’s . . . . .
I actually highlighted a bunch of stuff and made a bevy of notes about what a horrible experience I was having, but I think this one sums everything up . . . .
“Good lord, this thing is like a 14-year old’s wet dream.”
Oh, and all the sex????? Too bad it made me picture this . . . .
Blergh. I hope they called one of those crime scene types of cleaning crews in to remove all the snail trails from their roommate’s apartment for him!
Thanks again to my Book Fairy for gifting me this one. Sorry I hated it!
ORIGINAL "REVIEW:"
This book has been showing up all over my feed for the past couple of weeks (even though only one friend has read it). NA is most definitely not usually a hit for me, but I knew I would eventually have to give in on this one if for no other reason than to get THIS from playing on a loop in my head . . . .
This morning I woke up to an Amazon email notifying me a friend had bought it for me. On her own, without me begging, heck without it even being on my TBR. Don't let the haters tell you otherwise. Goodreads is home to some amazing humans.
Thank you again Book Fairy!!!! I was supposed to be finishing God-Shaped Hole today, but I think I'm going to bump "Porny Saturday" up a day instead ; )...more
Just as I was getting ready to start my Christmas staycay, we received a dumping of snow Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
Just as I was getting ready to start my Christmas staycay, we received a dumping of snow that would provide all of the excuse I needed to not change out of my pajamas for at least the first 24 hours of my freedom. I’m chalking it up to the fact that . . . . .
I thought it was high time that I opened up the pocketbook and purchased this sucker that had been on my don’t-even-call-it-guilty-pleasure-because-I-don’t-feel-guilty-at-all-when-I-read-these TBR for eternity so I logged on to Amazon where . . . . .
I mean, we’re talking motorcycle club (and a real one to boot that does illegal things) and girls formerly in some sort of religious cult and kidnappings and drug cartels and sex traffickers and dudes who don’t have sex with each other, but always have their sex three-way style. Oh it’s just so very over the top. Your mileage may most definitely vary when it comes to your opinion of this series. Just know that it’s total farfetched brain candy and if one of them isn’t exactly your cuppa, another might be. A 3 Star rating from me equals I thought it was okay so please don’t troll me for not falling all over myself for the double penetration. It’s just that nothing can compare to my reaction to Ky and Delilah’s book.
You might be curious now that I’m a lover of the pornies, how exactly one earns a solo twinkle-twinkle. If you follow my reviews it’s pretty obvious that I can overlook a lot of things when it comes to stories about hidin’ the ol’ salami. In the past I’ve proven I can be okay with “traitorous bodies” and alpha males and lots of discussions regarding the humidity levels in a lady’s underpants and barely existing plots and on and on and on. The problem here was this book had not only all of the above-referenced issues, but also . . . .
I read this because it popped up on the pornbrary’s “Recommended To You” page. I didn’t bother checking out the synopsis, because the pornbrarian is my lobster and I will read whatever he/she tells me to and also because the title seemed like a no-brainer. I’m used to having to explain to my friends and co-workers that I’m reading pure trash and dealing with their reactions . . . .
Here’s my advice to Lili St. Germain: If you are going to call your book CARTEL, I suggest it be about the effing cartel and not a motorbiker porno. I read plenty of those stories too, but I know they’re going to be about the Sons of Anarchy before I even begin. When I started this one and I was in Colombia and a cocaine transport had just gone bad and I've been around the block enough to know some chick was going to have to be kidnapped/traded/offer herself up as tribute to some big baddie I was in. I was hoping I could picture The Most Interesting Man In The World as my kingpin, but then . . . . .
The only thing that wasn’t totally redonkulous? The bad guys were bad and were not above smacking a bitch around. But I can’t really in clear conscience award bonus points for that so 1 Star it shall remain. I think I’ll go back and give the Gypsy Brothers Stabby Porns another shot instead of trying other stuff by this author....more
Like I said yesterday when my turn at the library finally came around: I DON’T EVEN CARE. This was EXACTLY what it was supposed to be. Nicholas Sparks-y and whoopsie baby that dude didn’t know about and second chance romance where the female lead is all . . . . .
Even though that poor child is like 14 and I’m a granny and I do apologize to his mother for staring at the Google image that popped up of his abdominals for probably longer than is healthy and I will go to confession and say rosaries if need be. And thank the tiny 8 lb. 6 oz. Baby Jeebus he didn’t have to smell like leather and pine and vanilla and cut grass and all the other bullshit NA authors talk about that make me think ewwww, that sounds turrrrrible, but instead just smelled like Burberry cologne and let me tell you that there is a fella around the corner who wears that sometimes and the ventilation system pumps the air from his office straight into my space and errrrrry once in a while it’s like . . . .
Anywho, I do not care if everyone else thinks this is terrible. It probably is. All I know is it is just what I was hoping it would be and by the time (the fucking NINETY PERCENT mark – ouch) when dude was all . . . .
“I don’t know if I can be Liam Paige around you. He doesn’t treat women very well.”
Why yes, I am aware that this is some sappy sapfest which is currently being compared to a Nicholas Sparks type of story. And why yes, I am still going to read it. In my flannel PJs, eating a tub of Ben & Jerry's, watching a snowstorm . . . .
I woke up on Sunday morning to the realization that my life of sitting around eating Bon Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
I woke up on Sunday morning to the realization that my life of sitting around eating Bon Bons was quickly coming to an end and I would once again have to face other humans (*shudder*) come Monday morning. I opted to do what I do best and avoid reality in the form of the guiltiest of guilty pleasures – the motorcycle porno . . .
I didn’t have my hopes set too high on this one since I have dabbled in Joanna Wylde’s world successfully and unsuccessfully before. Imagine my delight when Reaper’s Legacy ended up being . . . .
The story here (Can you believe it? An actual story? Bonus!) is that seven years ago Sophie and Zach were teenagers in (what Sophie thought was) love. When the rubber broke, Sophie got a little surprise she wasn’t planning on and the gilding on Zach’s shining armor showed its true tarnished nature when he became an abusive control freak. Sophie has been going it alone as a single mother ever since with occasional visits from Zach’s brother Ruger to her little boy Noah. When Sophie finds herself in a babysitting bind and asks her new(ish) neighbor to watch Noah while she goes to work, things get scary and Noah calls his uncle Ruger for help. And help he does – in the form of kicking ass, taking names and packing Sophie and Noah up to come live with him until a long-term solution can be found. That’s when things got . . . . .
“I don’t follow,” he said, glancing at me. His eyes pierced mine, the warm night air hanging heavy between us.
“Wanting me,” I said softly. “Is it a new thing for you? I mean, aside from . . . back then . . . I always assumed that was just a moment, you know? You always looked right through me.”
“It’s not a new thing.”
Of course, the getting there is half the fun so this was a real slow burn with plenty of alpha male behavior thrown in for good measure. The bonus here was it made me chuckle . . . .
“You don’t want me but nobody else gets me, either? Would it be easier if you peed on me so they know I’m taken?”
“It’d be easier if you shut the fuck up.”
I’d love to be able to give this the full monty of stars, but I can’t due to Sophie’s questionable parenting in the beginning (and yes I understand it was necessary in order for there to be a book at all, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it) as well as the first highly anticipated roll in the hay (or roll in the repair shop in front of a bunch of random strange – ew). The love/hate stuff almost made me forget all that noise, though . . .
“Can I borrow something to wear?”
“I’d rather you sleep naked.”
“I’d rather you go fuck yourself, but seeing as that’s not an option, can I borrow something to wear?”
I mean, it was real good . . . .
“Jesus, you piss me off,” he murmured. “Good thing your cunt’s so fucking hot.” “Don’t call it that.” His lip twitched. “Good thing your vagina’s so gosh-darned hot,” he whispered. “Because I really, really want to stick my penis in it and have repeated sexual intercourse, bringing us to a mutually satisfactory culmination of our desires. How’s that sound?”
For approximately 152,847 years my GR friends have been trying to get me to read The Black Dagger Brotherhood series. Since I am terrified of all of my friends here I’ve stayed far far away so they won’t hurt me if I hate it (I have already failed them once with Darkfever). This one popped up on the library’s “recommended you to since it’s been a minute since you read some trash” window and I took the bait like a good little fish. And let me tell you, things went swimmingly (see what I did there?).
First things first: This book is probably terrible. There’s a chance you have to be a dinosaur to truly appreciate the beauty of this epic family tale. Lucky for me I was born in the Mesozoic Era! When I was a wee little girl my most favorite thing to do on Friday nights was have a sleepover at my Grandma and Grandpa’s house where we would all gather ‘round the ginormous 19 inch television set in order to watch . . . .
I dreamed of the day when I would be able to kick the dust off of my smalltown life and get whisked away to a place like Southfork in order to rule the place with an iron fist like I just knew I was destined to do. And while the Bradford family made their money in bourbon rather than oil, this was just as delicious as my old favorite primetime soap and I ate the damn thing right up. So much so that I was practically screaming down the hallway about how much fun I was having during my lunch hour while I was reading it. Of course, since 99% of the people around me are fetuses, their reaction was sort of like . . . .
If you grew up on the guilty pleasures which were Dallas or Dynasty or Falcon Crest or Knot’s Landing, there’s a solid chance this might work for you too. It had all of the money, the sex, the secrets and the dialogue those provided. Stuff like . . .
“You are a bastard.”
“Not according to the dictionary. My parents were well and truly married when I was conceived.” He cocked a brow. “Which I don’t believe you can say about your own daughter, can you.”
Really, the only thing it needed more of was this . . . .
There is a solid chance that I’ll return to this series for the next book. I mean I just have to know what the deal is with Max, right? And Edward. Poor broken Edward. This whole damn family, man . . . .
For some reason I thought I had read Penelope Ward before. Apparently I haven’t, but I have read Vi Keeland and they appear to collaborate on stuff every now and again so maybe my old lady brain only kinda failed me instead of completely failed me. #shrug
So back to the book. Normally I try to live my life via the sage advice of the Steel Magnolias . . . .
This time I’m going to go with the age-old if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. I picked this up for only one reason – filthy sex. I didn’t expect it to attempt to have a story. What I got instead was like zero smut and a terrible first half that had my eyes rolling so far back in my head I thought I’d never get them straightened out. But the second half was actually fairly decent . . . . minus the still no dirty sexuals for me to perv out on. Apparently I read it wrong because I took a gander at other reviews and it seems everyone hated the second half but liked the first. It’s okay, I’m used to wrongreading at this point. At least I can say I have read a "taboo" romance and I will definitely check out more stuff by this author in the future. The next time a stepbrother story gets waved in front of my face, though?????
Thanks to my pervy book fairy for this hook up. Since I have zero shame I totally asked the porny librarian to buy this about 27 times, but that ho ignored me....more
I had a pretty sever book hangover after finishing She Rides Shotgun and needed a “buffer read” before starting something new. This was exactly what I expected it to be. Except for the (view spoiler)[penetration (hide spoiler)]. Times have changed! Anyway, what can I say? I’m a pretty cheap sell when it comes to werewolf books. After all, I am the woman who not only called a radio station for weeks on end in order to win tickets to the early screening of New Moon, but who also attended said screening with her boss while wearing this shirt:
If you loved The Twilight Saga unapologetically and still like to get your teenie bopper howl on, you might find this one to be aiiiiight as well. You know. For science . . . . .
“Today I found something beautiful and decided to break it. I wanted to see it shatterFind all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
“Today I found something beautiful and decided to break it. I wanted to see it shatter in my hand and crumble at my feet.”
I have owned this book for nearly five years and have only considered reading it twice. I picked it up when my friend Sammy pointed out it was free one day without bothering to read the synopsis. Once I did I put it on the backburner knowing it would have to be a “right place/right time” type of read for me. The right place/right time ended up being right after a book was banned from Amazon for being soooooo offensive – when in reality it was more eye-rolly (new word) than anything else. (And for those in the cheap seats, NEITHER of those offenses should result in book banning.) I decided to finally give Comfort Food a shot now due to it being another selection about “offensive” subject matter – but somehow that subject matter has become one of the greatest love stories of all time to humans around the globe . . . .
The story here is about Emily, a self-help guru who knows that you should never leave your drink unattended at a bar – but never thought something nefarious would happen to her at a mixer after her own speaking engagement . . . .
(^^^^Changing your perspective about your fave Disney romance yet, kids?)
The more she’s willing to tolerate, the better her treatment will be. The menu will improve as well – from chicken noodle soup to actual fried chicken, taters, biscuits and all the other trimmings . . . . .
Okay, so here’s the deal. This is shelved by most Goodreads users as erotica and per the disclaimer at the end of the blurb apparently it was marketed as erotica as well. I’m telling you right now that I don’t get it. I don’t see many readers picking this up because they’ll get off on it. It is, however, a pretty dang good rendering of Stockholm Syndrome. 4 Stars because there were things that didn’t jive for me that I think were included in an attempt to morph it into some twist on BDSM when really it should have just been left as fucked up dark fiction.
When a friend of a friend of a friend (or some such fuckery which creates the Goodreads’ feed) posted a status about how this book had been banished from the world of Kindle due to it being so controversial, I knew I wanted a piece of the action. In case you are seeing this little blip due to the same friend of a friend of a friend bullshit, I’m not one who typically shies away from “books that should not be read.” Don’t believe me? Take a look at EXHIBIT A. I read that like 27 seconds after the author showed up at a stranger’s door for daring to give her preshus a negative review. Basically, I ain’t scurrrrrred of any subject matter (and I still can’t wrap my brain around why that author chose to shoot herself in the foot with her own crazy because I farking dug her book.)
I’m withholding my rating here due to the fact that I only read the first 20% freebie which was offered over on Smashwords. I don’t really give a shit if other people rate books they didn’t finish, but since I have never DNF’d a book before, I don’t think it’s fair for me to rate this one. All I have to say about The Wild is . . . .
This thing (well, the first 20%) was soooooooooo stupid. I can’t imagine it going anywhere but downhill. First, let’s address the fact that this family of wannabe Bear Grylls basically pull about 20 feet off the road and then proceed to nearly die. The finger of God helps remove mommy from the scenario so daddy and baby can eventually get to the boot-knocking without a third wheel. Buuuuuuuuut, that’s not before daddy’s little girl GETS FUCKING IMPALED ON A GODDAMN TREE THAT SHE HAS TO LITERALLY CLIMB UP A BIT IN ORDER TO REMOVE FROM HER ABDOMEN. And then dear old dad wads up a dirty dirty t-shirt, plugs it in the hole, calls it good and the two take a nap. WTF?!?!?! From what I’ve read it gets even worse with some inbred breach baby that needs turnin’ before birthin’. I mean, give me a break.
All that aside, let’s get down to what you’re all here for – the pink elephant in the room. I’m no author, but I do know if you want to write something that succeeds in being “dark” or “taboo” you reeeeaaaallllllyyyyy need to be willing to go balls out. There is no way in hell any father would ever wake up one day and decide to have sex with his daughter. Therefore, we readers need to know dude is fucked up like IMMEDIATELY. He can’t be a loving father turned child molester – he has to be a child molester first. If you’re going to go black, it has to be as black as Mitchell’s heart. You have to tell us how this man conditioned his daughter to look to him as his one-and-only from the time she was a little girl. He has to not care about societal norms. He has to be 100% self-centered and not give a shit about how twisted he is. Either that . . . or she has to be a Lolita and he has to be her new stepfather because normal dads don’t do this and even in erotica there’s only so much reality that can be left at the door.
If you want some selections that might test your moral boundaries, allow me to suggest the following:
You – because you never knew how much you wished you had a stalker until you meet Joe.
The Hades Hangmen Series – because nothing gets your motor churning like a girl who was raised in a rapey cult.
Tampa – because you’ll never know how cringey a teacher banging a 13-year old could be until you meet Celeste (and also because the buttonhole cover that looks like a vagina from a distance might be the best cover to be caught in an elevator or on the bus reading).
Nine Minutes – because abduction and Stockholm Syndrome are the purest form of love.
Don’t waste your money on this, but maybe waste it on This is War, Baby because that one has been on my TBR for quite some time and I think I finally need to read it in order to give this author a fair shake....more
Kelly (and the Book Boar)
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