Oh 2020 – So far you’ve delivered a pandemic, swarms of locusts and murder hornets, cycloFind all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
Oh 2020 – So far you’ve delivered a pandemic, swarms of locusts and murder hornets, cyclones, hurricanes (even a surprise July tornado a few miles North of me last week here in flyover country that had the sirens blaring), raging wildfires, social uprising, deaths of more than a handful of beloved famous people, etc., etc., etc. You’ve been a trial for sure . . . .
Sad as it may sound, Stephenie Meyer having a rethink about releasing the ol’ Midnight Sun may be just what a lot of us needed right now. I’m not going to bother discussing literary merit or writing ability generically, nor will I be opining on the “toxicity” of a fictional relationship between a Sparkle Vampire and a Mary Sue (I just know as an old lady my supernatural books tend to have a lot more penetration than these children’s novels). Hell, I’m not even going to rate it because *spoiler alert: Edward was sooooooo boring in this and Goodreads does not have negative stars* All I know is I was absolutely compelled to be a completionist of this series, saved a gift card from Mother’s Day until August just so I could get my hands on it the day it released without any guilty conscience whatsoever and that it sucked two entire days of my life up in a time where the minutes drag on like years. It did exactly what it was supposed to do.
I would loooooooooooooooooooove to read New Moon from Jacob’s perspective next . . . .
And zero fucks are given. I am #twihard #twitard #twimom #teamjacob4eva #loser whatever other lame hashtags someone wants to throw at me and I diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie for this release.
Eeeeeesh. Okay, I’m really the wrongreader here. A bunch of my friends really dug this onFind all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
Eeeeeesh. Okay, I’m really the wrongreader here. A bunch of my friends really dug this one. I’m going to go ahead and take this opportunity to blame my local gifthorse for my experience : )
You see, this is the time for the annual Winter Reading Challenge from my local library. While the only real requirement is to read five books in three months, a “theme” is selected each year and I try my best to play along for the most part. It gets me out of my comfort zone and takes books off my TBR that were quite possibly destined to stay there for eternity – never to even be thought of. The problem is, my approach to reading is very much . . . . .
Meaning, I’m a mood reader and I 100% was not in the mood to “Imagine That” via fantasy books. I thought maybe paranormal fantasy or urban fantasy might help push me toward the finish line, but turns out I have maybe lost my taste for those as well . . . . .
So the story here is a honeybadger a tiger and a non-shifting shapeshifter walk into a bar . . . .
Okay, maybe not exactly like that, but three sisters of the aforementioned variety are in a pickle due to their scumbag daddy scamming the wrong people and getting a hit put out on them. At first I thought I would dig it and it would be a little reminiscent of . . . . .
And it never stopped and never had any sort of a plot aside from fight scene after fight scene and eleventy-seven characters being introduced just to get the crap kicked out of them or killed and . . . . .
Did you know a person can be murdered by ragweed? Okay, maybe that’s an overstatement, bFind all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
Did you know a person can be murdered by ragweed? Okay, maybe that’s an overstatement, but the ragweed count where I live is tryna kill me, bruh. When I’m feeling uggy, there’s only one thing to do . . . .
That’s where my go-to-gal Molly Harper comes in. Both her Southern Eclectic and Naked Werewolf series have served as brain candy in the past and since Halloween is just around the corner I thought some more shifty good times were in order.
The story here is about our leading lady Jillian’s new job down in the swamp. She works for an organization called “The League” (extraordinary gentlemen excluded this go around) and has been sent to Cajun country because . . . .
Your town represents one of the few settlements where supernatural creatures from nearly all cultures live and work together in relative peace, and have for generations.
Jillian’s assignment is to figure out just how these beings have been so successful with their integration before all of us normies discover that everything we ever read about in fairy tales is real and to prevent a “War of the Worlds phenomenon all over again” – because, in case you aren’t aware . . . .
The only person in town who isn’t so keen on letting her in on all the community secrets is Bael, the local sheriff. You know what that means, right? They gonna bang . . . . .
Things are gonna get HOT! *ba dum ching* I’ll be here all week, folks.
Oh, and random supes are popping up dead because DUH, it's pretty much obligatory for books like these to have a bit of a mystery for these meddling kids to solve.
Jillian wasn't a pushover/damsel in distress - Bael was sex on a stick without all of the alpha male B.S. that doesn't always work for me. There was humor and there was whodunit. What more could a gal ask for in her smut?
I’m definitely reading the next one. I mean who doesn’t want to have sex with a grizzly shifter????
I read this on Friday while sitting at multiple baseball games in the 1,000,000 degree heFind all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
I read this on Friday while sitting at multiple baseball games in the 1,000,000 degree heat. By Sunday I decided enough was enough with the baseballing and took the youngest fishing while waiting with baited breath for my very own merman to come out of the pond. What I got instead??????
Yep, those are port-a-johnnies. I guess mermaid sex just isn’t in the cards for me. *shrug*
Now about the book. Literary merman porn???? Yep, that ‘bout sums it up. God this was a weird one. I really don’t think there will be many “I LOOOOOOOVED IT!” reactions, but there has to be a level of appreciation when it comes to an author who is so willing to commit to a story. Lucy will easily go down as one of the most cringe-inducing characters I have ever read, but the book wouldn’t exist if she weren’t exactly as presented. Hell I don’t even know what to say. Go read Emily’s Review. I’m giving this 2.5 Stars because the very very very end of the thing was almost satisfactory enough to endure the entire shitshow, I appreciate an author who knows when to say when and this one hit the mark when it came to a page count of less than 300 and the cover is easily going to be noted as the best one for me in 2018. However, I would never recommend this to someone so I’m rounding down. ...more
I had a pretty sever book hangover after finishing She Rides Shotgun and needed a “buffer read” before starting something new. This was exactly what I expected it to be. Except for the (view spoiler)[penetration (hide spoiler)]. Times have changed! Anyway, what can I say? I’m a pretty cheap sell when it comes to werewolf books. After all, I am the woman who not only called a radio station for weeks on end in order to win tickets to the early screening of New Moon, but who also attended said screening with her boss while wearing this shirt:
If you loved The Twilight Saga unapologetically and still like to get your teenie bopper howl on, you might find this one to be aiiiiight as well. You know. For science . . . . .
In case there was any question, obviously this confirms that I have zero shame and even less willpower. The only thing that may surprise any of you is the person who requested this buddy read. In order to protect his good name, he shall remain nameless (*cough Dan cough*). Yes, it seems even the brightest of bulbs on the Goodreads’ tree cannot resist the siren song of monster erotica.
So what was this little gem about? Wellllllll, pretty much something kinda like this . . .
Some time ago blocks started falling from the sky. Christie was excited to welcome this new species to Earth, but Donald Trump her boss at Squawker Media was not so open-minded and decided Christie should write some controversial pieces about how the Blocks are ruining ‘Murica. Christie decides to pull a Johnny Paycheck and tells that bastard to take this job and shove it, but before packing her desk she makes a pit stop to freshen up and confirms the Right Wingers are sooooooo correct that you never know what will happen if you allow shared bathrooms - especially with these fellas . . . .
In case you aren’t aware, I’m friends with a bunch of freaks. Go read their reviews if you want words – or stay here for the pictureshow.
All Georgie wanted to do after a hard day at work was go home, eat her Lean Cuisine and catch some zzzzzzzs. Unfortunately some little green men had a different idea in mind . . . .
Georgie wakes up to find herself on an alien spaceship with a bunch of fellow captives who soon realize they need to do whatever it takes in order to escape some seriously rapey guards who look a lil’ something like this . . . .
Sorta. Turns out the number of moons doesn’t match up, but winter is coming has come (or is permanent) and it’s cold as shit so they dub the land "Not Hoth." Since Georgie kicked so much of the basketballhead ass she gets nominated to go find help or food or whatever. And what does she find? Well, she finds she kind of sucks at being a hero and promptly gets captured – only to be awakened by a giant blue alien named Vektal who likes to make with the . . . .
WIN! Okay, it takes her about a minute day or two to change her mind about making with much of the sex, but once she does she discovers she has hit a veritable goldmine when it comes to magic peen because dudebrah’s comes equipped with not only like 17 inches, but also some nobby thing on the top that should remind most adult women of a very popular household appliance . . .
Then stuff and things happened with respect to all the other broads back on the ship and the world is built and you get all of the necessary info dumpy type of stuff out of the way so you can get to (hopefully) 100% pure shabbibidy dibbidy come the second book in the series.
Oh and in case you’re wondering, OF COURSE I pictured the giant blue alien to really look like this once they started making with the bang bang . . .
Many thanks to my oh-so-very porny Pal for bequeathing me this delightful little nugget. It’s awesome to have friends who understand that even buttholes like me deserve some smut in our lives : )...more
In what may be the most epic of all fails of 2016, Jeff and I had planned on reading Don’Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
In what may be the most epic of all fails of 2016, Jeff and I had planned on reading Don’t Call It A Team Up about eleventeen weeks ago. First his library failed, then some sonofabitchindregofsocietyasshatmothereffer snagged my copy off the hold shelf. Supposedly it’s almost my turn at another library, but in the interim this one queued up. Go read Jeff's review right here and pretend this was a buddy-up too. And to Jeff, here is a photo of adorable Deadpool and his hobby horse in front of a TARDIS . . . .
Now let’s get on with the show. Wade Wilson has one job – to go to the old world, pick up Dracula’s bride and deliver her in time for the wedding. But y’all know how the old saying goes . . .
It doesn’t take long for the poo to hit the fan and a straight up Monster Mash to commence. We’re talking everyone makes an appearance – from Frankenstein to the Werewolf to . . . evil muppets????
And also (view spoiler)[HAIL HYDRA! (hide spoiler)] maybe Deadpool can save the day and possibly even get the girl.
So this Deadpool selection had something I haven’t seen in my previous Deadpool reading experiences – a continual storyline throughout the entire volume. It confirmed that Posehn is a comic genius and that there’s no such thing as too many fart jokes . . .
The combo of me being 1,000 years old, boringly married, and a resident of flyover countrFind all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
The combo of me being 1,000 years old, boringly married, and a resident of flyover country means I had zero prior knowledge of such things as “Craigslist Anonymous Sex Parties” even existing. I thought all Craigslist dates ended kinda like this . . . .
So naïve I am. I am also not a user of the Twatter so I was intrigued by the idea of a 1 hour writing challenge done as a 140 character at a time serial and the . . .
Well, actually they were butts, but they were still really unsafe for work and would probably get me banned if I used them in my “review” (FYI – there are lots of sexytimes butt pictures of Joe Manganiello on the Tumblr. LOTS.) so I had to settle for gifs like this . . .
So anyway, enough of my drunken gif hunting – let’s get to the book. This was a wolfy porno . . . errrr, excuse me – a “paranormal romance.” Wouldn’t want to be accused of being not politically correct on the ol’ Goodreads. I chose to read this one for scientific purposes. There is totally a full moon coming up plus Halloween and I have to make sure I’m prepared for any werewolves who come creeping out of the woods behind my house . . .
How to Flirt with a Naked Werewolf begins with our female lead Mo making a break from her extremely over-involved parents at nearly 30 years old. With a little money saved she decides to head as far away as possible without changing continents and winds up in Grundy, Alaska. It’s there Mo begins to find herself, make new friends, begin a new career . . . and help the naked fella who winds up on her front porch with a bear trap around his ankle?????
Turns out Cooper, the local yokel who has been the least receptive of Mo, also happens to be a werewolf . . .
[image]
(Sidenote: What other man could possibly look sexy while holding a roll of asswipe??? I mean really.)
There’s one more thing about him too . . .
“Well, that cinched it. He was an asshole. I was definitely going to end up sleeping with him.”
Hehehehe. OF COURSE SHE IS! That’s the only reason gals like me even read this stuff. There was also some mystery involved (because there is always some sort of mystery involved in these books) about missing hikers getting killed by wolves and Cooper thinking he might be the big bad wolf and yada yada yada, but really it was all about the smex – which there wasn’t a lot of but what there was made me wanna Channing all over my Tatum . . . .
I’m giving this 3.5 Stars. Probably because I’m an asshole. If it’s on your TBR – read it. My 3.5 is the equivalent of 17.5 for any normal human. For me the story was just a bit too familiar, the mystery was solvable immediately, and it ran a touch too long. I was also hoping for something . . . more with regard to Mo’s parents and her weird “one with nature” upbringing and was a bit disappointed that it didn’t deliver . . . but maybe it does in the next book???? Who knows?
How to Flirt with a Naked Werewolf ended up on my TBR due to Casey's recommendation. Do you know Casey? She’s just about the most adorable person I’ve ever seen and she’s also a filthy, filthy pervert. Best of both worlds right there : )...more
The premise here was a good one – Dwight and his friends Slim and Rusty see flyers all over town advertising a “Traveling Vampire Show.” The hint of danger and an “18 and over” requirement are enough to lead the trio into temptation and the remainder of the story is what takes place during one day leading up to the big shebang and their chance to meet the mysterious Valeria . . . .
Here’s the problem. The first 50 pages or so were flying right by. Many of you know I have a kid who is required to read, but hates to read. We’ve had some luck with contemporary fiction and I thought if things didn’t get too stabby this might be okay for him (please note I had read ZERO reviews/knew nothing of this book except people liked it). The three kids wandering from one side of town to another for an adventure is pretty much my kid’s bucket list of a dream Saturday. But then I got to the part where there was a bit of danger and the MC Dwight decided to go borrow a truck and I was like . . . .
The story immediately stopped working. Even with the “gather around children and let me tell you a story from when I was a kid and why don’t you have some Werther’s Originals while you’re listening” narration style I just couldn’t wrap my brain around these being sixteen year old children. I was thinking they were 12-14 max.
And then there was the non-stop boner talk. I realize that teenage boys often pitch tents in their pants, but the story became so hypersexual with more focus on premature ejaculation than plot that there was no charm left to any of the characters. Especially Rusty . . . .
Which all led up to a pervert's wet dream of an ending I knew was coming and a reading experience I couldn’t wait to be over.
I know I've really gone against the grain here, but save your breath if you plan on telling me I’m not allowed to have a differing opinion. Also, I’m already in my bag of shame so I won’t be able to see the comments anyway . . . .
Anywho, after a hard day scrubbing cars at the local bikini carwash Jillian has one thing on her mind – a warm shower. Actually make that two things – she also wants to have some hate sex with herself while picturing her worst customer of the day. She never expected an alien to come crashing into her yard. Said alien was a regular “Snatchasaurus"-Rex – he looked like what would happen if a Sharknado had a baby with a mutant dinosaur. And what was Jillian’s reaction to said dinosharkbeast????
Duh, right? Using a datachip (in Alf’s case) and deductive reasoning (in Jillian’s), the duo determine there's only one way for them to both get out of this situation alive. TO F*&^% THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF EACH OTHER! And boy do they. Beginning with a tongue that would make Gene Simmons jealous and saliva that was the alien equivalent of KY Two-In-One Warming Gel, Jillian was taken to the 7th level of heaven. What wasn’t expected was Alf-Khalan’s reaction to Jillian’s pleasure . . . .
Kelly (and the Book Boar)
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