If you’ve been following along with my experiences when it comes to this series, you are already aware that I did not like the first two. You might evIf you’ve been following along with my experiences when it comes to this series, you are already aware that I did not like the first two. You might even be ready to keyboard commando me and tell me that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I only have one counterargument to make when it comes to my continuation of these books – the leading male in this one looked like Jason Mamoa. You know what they say about those Dothraki dudes . . . .
This also featured climbing a mountain as the driving force behind the storyline and while I pretty much lived a lifestyle of quarantine before Dr. Fauci made quarantine cool, I loooooooooove watching (and apparently now reading) people attempting to summit a mountain in frigid temps and zero oxygen. Please note, if you want this book because you are in the mood to read about hiding some salami, it really ain’t gonna happen here. I mean 30 below zero and taking your pants off??? Poor fella’s pecker would fall clean off . . . .
Just kidding. I mean I’m sure there probably is a gif for that, but I don’t need the Feds knocking at my door asking me why I’m searching for it. I already have to clear the browser history every time Mitchell logs on.
Okay so as I said, this is about a film crew who shows up in Moose Springs, the most unfriendly tourist destination which relies heavily on tourists in order for everyone to make a living (see why I didn’t like the others???). We now know the characters well enough that it doesn’t feel like they are strangers and it’s Easton’s turn to find . . . .
And he does so with River Lane – actress turned director/producer who is attempting to revamp her career via a documentary where they summit Mt. Veil. There is a lot of hurry up and wait before the smooching even commences but somehow it didn’t make me want to stab anybody. Oh, and there was also a cute little tagalong . . . .
This was easily my favorite of the series and I’d give it 3.5.
And since I wasn’t willing you find you a frostbit wiener photo, here’s a video I took of Shelby’s dogs with a Nest cam I put in her house and didn’t tell her about . . . .
I freaking created LIFE (on accident) in our compost heap. But look how perfect it is!!!! I’m pretty sure the ‘Rona has given me superpowers and this is just the first I’ve discovered so you better stay on my good side.
For me, Autumn also signifies the start of Cozy Mystery season. Sure, you can read cozies all year long, but the entire term “cozy” conjures images of fireplaces and snuggly blankets and those thoughts in July or August here in flyover country? Well, when the temps are like this . . . .
The last thing you want to think about is a blanket.
But come September 1st I just crank up the AC and let ‘er rip. Hahahaha! I keed I keed. Come September 1st we usually get a teaser 60-something degree day around my neck of the woods that gets you breaking out the sweaters and picking a light and cozy to read . . . only to discover the next day is going to be back to Satan’s ballsack degrees outside with one trillion percent humidity and a bonus negative one trillion air quality due to the combo of ragweed and forest fire. Yay Fall!
Anyway, I was all over this release as soon as the idea of it was mentioned and made sure to get my grubby little mitts on it as soon as it was seasonably acceptable. If you aren’t familiar with the Winstons . . . well, you’re really missing out because they are absolutely splooshtastic . . . . but this could probably work as a standalone. It certainly would benefit you to read Cletus/Jennifer’s book prior simply for their backstory, but hell it’s a porny not rocket surgery so you could probably decipher what’s going on with little to no brain power.
Anyway x2, this spinoff is the start of a new series where Cletus and his fiancé Jennifer are apparently going to become small-town sleuths. This time it’s about all the local farmers being sabotaged by someone for some reason. If you are addicted to the Hallmark Murders & Mysteries like I am, you’ll love it. I wasn’t a Jennifer fan (to say the least – poor gal probably still is feeling the smackdown I gave her fictional ass back in the day when I read their book), but she’s okay in this one and the rampant case of blueballs both Jen and Cletus have going due to various interruptions was pretty fun. I’ll certainly be first in line for the next one of these....more
“I mean this with all my heart,” he said, the words gravelly and fierce. And then he kissed meFind all of my reviews at: https://www.goodreads.com/
“I mean this with all my heart,” he said, the words gravelly and fierce. And then he kissed me.
I actually arrived to the Winston Brothers’ party a little late and have only been a part of their world for about three years. That being said, three years is a looooooooooooooooooooooong time to suffer from a case of blue balls waiting for Billy’s book. Now that it’s here? Words fail me – so here are some .gifs that should help get the point across regarding my reaction to this final story . . . . .
Yeah. That’s about right. #sploosh. Someone pass me a cigarette. And a towel.
Oh Penny Reid, you done so good girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not only do Billy and Claire get their happily-ever-after in the most torturous of slow burning burners that ever burned, but the entire family is there (and Cletus is especially Cletusy and oh I just love that man and his sneaky ways) and it takes place in MOTHERFUCKING TUSCANY!!!!!!!!!! She even threw in a Lucy Honeychurch reference and I’m pretty sure I may have died for a minute. And finally – after making all of us horny housewives suffer for ages and ages . . . . .
There’s no way Ami, the queen of freebies (*cough maybe when it comes to a buffet, you should go ahead and fork over some cash cough*), is going to let her honeymoon trip to Hawaii go to waste. Enter Olive and Ethan, Ami and Dane’s siblings. Lured by a ginormous hotel suite and an itinerary packed with everything from ziplining to snorkeling to the obvious spa treatments, the two figure there’s little chance they will have to, you know, interact with each other during the 10-day getaway. That is, until they run into Olive’s brand new boss and his wife one night and Dane’s ex-fiancé and her new fiancé the next. Then????
I absolutely looooooooooooooooooooooooved this book for the first 67% (that’s a whole lotta percents). It was everything I want in a pretend relationship trope and to top it off it was hilarious. I loved the snarky interactions and dialogue between Olive and Ethan and I loved it even more when some truth uhhhhhh popped up while they were pretending to be newlyweds . . . .
“What are you doing?” I ask under my breath. “God, I don’t know,” he whispers, pained. “Just go with it.” “I can feel your penis.”
And even though it took a loooooooooooooooooong time for these two to figure out they should take it to pound town, it didn’t result in me looking like this . . . .
I think I read like three of these authors’ books before I figured out they are a writing duo and I think all three of them have had some extra summin’ summin’ that has caused them to go off the rails for me. I would be curious to know if one of them brings the funny and the other brings the shit I hate angst. If that’s the case I think I might be five starring a solo act....more
Before anyone gets all up in arms about the 3 Stars I’m giving this one, let’s get thingFind all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
Before anyone gets all up in arms about the 3 Stars I’m giving this one, let’s get things clear. I use the Goodreads’ rating system. Therefore, 3 Stars = “I liked it.” There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a 3 Star rating. Also, I read this one here . . . .
So momma sho ‘nuff wasn’t complaining. When it comes to romance novels, they either click with me or they don’t. I’m not the world’s biggest fan of hate to love tropes (not to mention co-workers becoming romantically involved while continually acknowledging the fact that their company has a no fraternization policy), the premise of Emmie being a “professional faker” was a bit of a stretch (she didn’t seem to really fake much other than pretending she wasn’t attracted to Tate), the “we should take it slow” to . . . .
(and clearing a drawer out immediately to boot), and the worst thing of all . . . not being physically attracted (like AT ALL) to the description of the male lead. I don’t care how many times Emmie tried to convince he was some sort of Norse god – in my head he remained . . . .
I did appreciate that this remained pretty light throughout and the added drama (because there always has to be a little added drama, right???) was not super angsty and drawn out. I also remain in love with these covers – no matter what some trolly little “author” (*cough blogger cough*) has to say about the reasons why. For the record: #1 NO, I am not so dense that I think Young Adult stories will be contained within the pages and #2 NO, I am not embarrassed to read smut in public. I am the woman who had the following experience:
*SOUND OF ALARM WHEN ATTEMPTING TO LEAVE LIBRARY*
Pornbrarian: Ma’am? Oh, ma’am??? (Should have murdered her right there, it’s MISS mother*&^%$#!)
Me: Am I doing that?
Pornbrarian: Yes, sorry. NUTS DIDN’T CHECK OUT PROPERLY. WILL YOU PLEASE COME BACK TO THE COUNTER WITH NUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTSSSSSSS????
That was also the last time my youngest ever went to the library with me.
So not only do I call it the Pornbrary – literally to EVERYONE in my life – I also don’t “hide” behind the Kindle and am more than happy to respond to the question of “what are you reading today?” when approached at the fancy coffee maker with answers like . . . . .
ARC provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review. It don’t get much more honest than spilling my own tea all over the intertubes, kids. ...more
Oh this poor thing. And I feel soooooo bad for Sally Thorne because that gal probably had no clue The Hating Game would take off like it did and sophomore novels are hard enough - I'm sure even more so following up one like that. But this book . . . .
It was just a mess. Like the female lead has a heart condition (that acts up ALL. THE. TIME.), takes meds for it, etc., but hasn’t gone to the doctor for two years . . .
I mean, she’s the one who missed out on everything due to her health – brother just comes off as an entitled butthole. I was hoping maybe brother was gay and the unrequited love is what created the “if I can’t have him, you can’t either” stance (still a stretch, because the heart wants what it wants, yo), but that wasn’t it and when brothers and sisters are too involved in each other’s love lives my brain automatically goes . . . .
And that is fucking squicky. I don’t care if they were twins, I needed more ‘splaining before I could jump on board with the reasoning behind this trope.
Also, female lead cuts all her hair off, spends 14,000 years telling us about cutting her hair off (by a barber – because you would go to someone else for a faux hawk??? I wouldn’t) and apparently it’s just to make her unattractive . . . .
Like for real. If you are attractive, the hair isn’t going to change things. Get a vat of acid next time maybe.
Anyway, this just seemed rushed (which, again, I get because I’m sure the pressure was on for a follow up to The Hating Game) and it didn’t make sense and the characters weren’t likeable or developed and they never got any less shallow/hollow and . . . .
I received this book and a packet of unicorn post-its from one of my friends here who saw my “ThisIsAmericaIWantItNow” kind of update – proving once again how amazing this community is. . . .
[image]
(Coffee mug is mine because the only thing greater than my book, Christmas decoration and coffee mug addictions is buying crap that will embarrass my kids when they have friends over.)
Okay, maybe that's a little dramatic - but seriously I will be so sad because The Hating Game is pretty much my favorite rom com ever and I have been dying for Sally Thorne to release something else....more
“My name is Alex and I’ll be serving you tonight.”
Penny Reid has become a go-to gal for me when I’m in the mood for a light romance. I have read more than a handful of her stories and have not disliked any of them, which is pretty much a miracle if you know me at all. I’m living proof that you don’t have to read her stuff in order either. I pick up what I call “The Bearded Brothers” in whatever order they come to me and I had only read #6 in this series before requesting this #3. I will say I’m not a knitter so the knitting club (as well as some of its members) aren’t necessarily my cuppa. The good thing is you can just skip the characters you don’t want to hear more about like I did and go right for the one that made you want to take your pants off : )
Our leading lady this time around is Sandra – shrink by day, dating failure by night. For the past two years she’s been taking potential Mr. Rights to a restaurant near her house where she gets dolled up, orders the butter chicken and . . . . then proceeds to make them cry like tiny little bitches. Alex is a waiter at said restaurant who has watched these near-weekly failures with more than simple curiosity. Sandra and I share the same feelings when it comes to Alex . . . . .
“He gives me zings in my things.”
Now let’s cease with the talky and get to giffing to ‘splain why this worked for me.
1. Not only was our female lead a doctor who actually had her shit together, but she was also significantly older than the leading male which made me go . . . .
To sum it up, Reid delivers what I order: an actual plot, well developed characters (including friends – not just the two leads), females who aren’t pushovers, males who might be a little alpha – but who don’t behave like cavemen, just the right number of pages and a bonus in the form of some LOL-able funny for good measure . . . .
“I like how you say my name. I can’t wait to hear you scream it.”
Wait, did he mean scream it as in yeah-baby-more-of-that-sexy-stuff, or scream it as in please-stop-murdering-me?
ESPECIALLY when it came to the realistic reaction to a ginormous wang . . . .
“No. Do not want. Please un-supersize my order.”
This time around she even offered up a trip down memory lane in the soundtrack that my family is hoping will get out of my head so I stop singing and gyrating all over the house . . . .
When Shelby told me she was reading (and enjoying) this a week or so ago I didn’t give it much thought. After all, I had an alright time with this author myself with Lingus. I had no choice but to read The Wall of Winnipeg and Me when it was shoved in my face so kindly lent to me by my book bestie via the Kindle.
I woke up to discover my favorite kind of Saturday morning – nice and dreary. I did a couple of necessary chores, drank some java, got myself ready like I was actually going to leave the house and then my husband asked what I had planned for the day. My loving response????
Then I proceeded to settle into the reading chair for Porny Saturday. Upon firing this selection up, I noticed something rather alarming. 673 PAGES?!?!?!?!?! Surely that had to be a trick . . . . .
As I went to confirm that was not a mean joke on GR, I noticed something that terrified me even more than the page count - everyone on my friends list loved it. (Except Ana – she was totally going to have to be my protector in the shame corner if things went south.) And I totally get why it was a fail for Ana. I totally don’t get why it wasn’t a fail for me, however. Not only were the amount of pages pretty barftastic, but it ended up being not what I thought it was going to be about and that should have made me hate it . . . or at least made me want to put it down for a while.
I didn’t bother reading the synopsis because . . . . well because Shelby said to read it and I am a lemming. Things started with Vanessa working as a personal assistant to professional football player Aidan (who wasn’t necessarily douchey but very much a strictly business type of boss). When Vanessa decided to quit in order to pursue her own dreams and Aidan showed up at her doorstep to confess that he “needed” her I thought for sure things were going to get nice and splooshy. Little did I know that he “needed” a green card and Vanessa to pull it off. Since I had just read that trope in Roomies I was double-ready to hate this one.
Instead I ended up developing a bed sore from sitting in the same spot for FIVE SOLID HOURS - taking breaks only to pee and change the laundry from the washer to the dryer. Aidan did not become lovey dovey thanks to a magic vagina, Vanessa didn’t have a bunch of drama llama that could only be cured by a magic peen, the page count wasn’t a lie and the big shebang didn’t happen until the NINETY-SEVEN PERCENT marker (which absolutely resulted in the female equivalent of blue balls – what would that be called? blue waffle? no absolutely not blue waffle – don’t Google that). Despite all of the missing romance novel tic-marks, I’m agreeing with the majority here (sorry, Ana). If you read fast, are terrified of super porny porns and have a whole day to spend in some fictional romance world, this might be a winner for you. As Vanessa would say . . . .
Party planner extraordinaire Margot has had to deal with plenty of mini emergencies and uFind all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
Party planner extraordinaire Margot has had to deal with plenty of mini emergencies and unexpected glitches during events, but the one thing she never would have predicted was that she would be (quite literally) tackling a real life angry bird situation . . . .
To make matters worse, once word begins to spread about the gala disaster, Margot loses not only her dream job, but also her loan approval on a new condo she was planning on purchasing. Right when she’s about to give up hope, Margot receives a phone call from a long lost relative, Aunt Tootie . . . .
Making her an offer she can’t refuse . . . . basically because it’s the ONLY offer on the table. What’s the offer, you might ask? Come down and help with the family business . . . .
“The locals just call it the Bait and Bury.”
Yep, you heard that right. Bait shop slash funeral home. Margot plans on only staying as long as it takes for people to forget the little snafu, but reuniting with a family she didn’t even know she had, new friendships, a potential for romance with a handsome local and the charm of the South might just change her mind.
I think I had my expectations set just a little too high for this one. After having a pretty howling good time reading about Naked Werewolves combined with this being about a Yankee who finds herself transplated to the deep South had me thinking in shades of . . . .
“The first time you tangle with moonshine is like dancin’ with a good-looking carnie. Sure, it feels great at first, but you wake up sore and soaked in regret.”
It just felt REALLY forced. Margot wasn’t a great character which could be excused if Kyle was, but he was a big drip too. Then there were his children . . . .
Neither did Margot! But of course Kyyyyyyyyyle’s children were different – even though they were pretty insufferable little bastards, if you ask me. And then there was the being beaten over the head by Margot’s daddy issues . . . .
It sucks that this one wasn’t a hit for me, but I’ve been assured Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs will deliver what I’m looking for. We shall see, but let’s not forget that . . .
Like I said yesterday when my turn at the library finally came around: I DON’T EVEN CARE. This was EXACTLY what it was supposed to be. Nicholas Sparks-y and whoopsie baby that dude didn’t know about and second chance romance where the female lead is all . . . . .
Even though that poor child is like 14 and I’m a granny and I do apologize to his mother for staring at the Google image that popped up of his abdominals for probably longer than is healthy and I will go to confession and say rosaries if need be. And thank the tiny 8 lb. 6 oz. Baby Jeebus he didn’t have to smell like leather and pine and vanilla and cut grass and all the other bullshit NA authors talk about that make me think ewwww, that sounds turrrrrible, but instead just smelled like Burberry cologne and let me tell you that there is a fella around the corner who wears that sometimes and the ventilation system pumps the air from his office straight into my space and errrrrry once in a while it’s like . . . .
Anywho, I do not care if everyone else thinks this is terrible. It probably is. All I know is it is just what I was hoping it would be and by the time (the fucking NINETY PERCENT mark – ouch) when dude was all . . . .
“I don’t know if I can be Liam Paige around you. He doesn’t treat women very well.”
Why yes, I am aware that this is some sappy sapfest which is currently being compared to a Nicholas Sparks type of story. And why yes, I am still going to read it. In my flannel PJs, eating a tub of Ben & Jerry's, watching a snowstorm . . . .
“I’ve never done this before. I just know I’m falling for the girl I married.Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
3.5 Stars
“I’ve never done this before. I just know I’m falling for the girl I married.”
So last week someone clicked the ol’ likey like button on one of my old reviews, and since I am 100% geriatric and suffer from C.R.S. (that’s Can’t Remember Shit for those of you not in the know) I didn’t even know what the heck book it was. When I saw the author I was all “why does that name sound familiar” and then realized that I had this book by the same person checked out from the library . . . . .
Turns out this was one of those spammy things that appear in the middle of the GR feed and make you think one of your friends reviewed it buuuuuuuuuuut nope, it’s just an ad. Apparently it was a pretty effective one too because the pretty pretty shiny shiny cover made me go take a looksee at what it was about. Basically, if you enjoyed this . . . .
But if you are old you know what’s up and now you probably want to read it too. Marriage of convenience for a greencard = forced cohabitation and a crash course of get-to-know-you = start to fall in love = some angst about whether it’s real or pretend (and another thing I could have really lived without) = eventual HEA. The female lead was a bit spoiled for my taste (and kind of a creeper with her weird crush on the leading male), but eventually all was forgotten/forgiven because the dang thing was so stinking sweet with some bonus funny ha-ha moments. This is a prime example of why I try not to throw the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to all of an author’s books after reading only one. You never know what might be waiting for you . . . .
“I try to remind myself that this isn’t real – and it certainly isn’t forever – but every time he rolls over in the middle of the night and wakes me up with his hands and his weight over me, it feels more real. Every time he brings me a cup of coffee with his crazy bed head and pillow lines on his face, it feels more real. Every time he holds my jacket for me to slip into before we leave the apartment, and kisses my cheek, it feels more real.”
What better time than Romance Week on Goodreads to finally post reviews for books I read Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
What better time than Romance Week on Goodreads to finally post reviews for books I read months ago! Depending on time and if my cold meds kick in this might end up as a two-fer since I read both of the books in this series. I ended up reading them in reverse order too, because, ya know . . . .
The Usual Suspect is the person who turned me on to these when the second was up on NetGalley. She don’t read the pornies too good just like me so when she likes one I know I should probably snatch a copy as quickly as possible.
The story here is our h and H have their meet/cute at an engagement party. She’s trying to use the toilet, he’s a little doped up on cold meds, mistakes her for his date and decides to play some tonsil hockey before realizing his error. Fast-forward to her audition for a role that will keep her from losing her butt, where I bet you can guess what happens . . . .
Fast-forward version 2.0 where the engaged couple mentioned above has a potential opportunity for the h – petsitting for a friend while he’s out of the country. Which leads us to meet/cute version 2.0 because, you guessed it, the friend in question is none other than the H.
Okay okay, enough with the h and H mumbo jumbo. I’m not cut out for that. The leading male this time around is named . . . .
And who gives a fuck about the chick’s name, because I’m just here for the weiner! Nah, just kidding. Her name is Ruby. Ruby, man I love that song . . . .
While you wait until the 75% mark. And I will say I was more than a little concerned with how my splooshfactory would react when what started out with . . . .
“His smirk is infuriating. I want to suck it right off his gorgeous face . . .”
Today sucks and there are only two of us at work to do everything that normally 5 people Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
Today sucks and there are only two of us at work to do everything that normally 5 people do and some bitch has already tried to throw me under the bus for SOMETHING I DIDN’T EVEN FUCKING DO!!!! and my computer just SHUT DOWN without me even touching the G.D. thing so why don’t we not talk about this book for a minute in order for me to calm myself down before I pull an Office Space on this mah fah . . . .
Okay, so it was a Christmas miracle and the pornbrarian™ (new word) decided to give me the best present ever in the form of buying this entire series. Up to this point I had scored the first for free from Amazon and got the third from the porny library. My experience proves that (1) you can totally read these out of order and it will matter zero and (2) beards are guuuuuuuud.
Grin and Beard It is the second book in the Winston Brothers series and focuses on brother Jethro . . . .
“Oh, Ranger Jethro. You are so adorable. I just want to take you home and put you in my pocket.”
I want to take him home and put him somewhere too. And it’s near my pocket . . . .
I’m sure all of these books follow the same script – boy meets girl/boy and girl shouldn’t be together for whatever reason/slow roller of a romance/big shebang. This one had the bonus of Jethro not liking Jennifer Sylvester and her stupid fucking banana cakes so I was on his team all the way. That might be partially to blame on my oldest’s newly acquired taste in “country” music (country in quotes, because as much as he would never admit it, this new stuff is like straight up boy band music with a little twang – there’s no Waylan or Johnny in the mix, fo sho!). Anyway, don’t hate ‘cause I ain’t knocking it. I’ve found myself turning the ol’ Pandora over to the Florida Georgia Line plenty and that’s where I met a young'un named Sam Hunt who sings songs that make me wanna sploosh my pants and who could have easily fit the role of Jethro here . . . .
Come to Momma! I mean, assuming you’re old enough for me to want you to come to momma, that is.
This second book ended up being a fine time for me. Jethro was hawt and I didn’t want to punch Sadie in the throat so that was a bonus. The only teensie gripe I have are authors who promise “fat” girls who wind up being described as looking exactly like this . . . .
But until authors stop making their “fat” leading ladies top out at a 12 or 14, the cycle isn’t going to be broken. Penny Reid had the perfect opportunity here to go bigger. I mean, does Ashley Graham really come to mind when you think of “everyone’s favorite funny ‘fat’ lady????” The correct answer is no, because THIS LADY does . . . .
Anyway, that’s a seriously minor quibble so I will zip it and hope my turn comes around for all of the other brothers in the Winston household fairly quickly while I wait with baited breath along with all the other horny housewives for Billy’s story . . . .
For some reason I thought I had read Penelope Ward before. Apparently I haven’t, but I have read Vi Keeland and they appear to collaborate on stuff every now and again so maybe my old lady brain only kinda failed me instead of completely failed me. #shrug
So back to the book. Normally I try to live my life via the sage advice of the Steel Magnolias . . . .
This time I’m going to go with the age-old if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. I picked this up for only one reason – filthy sex. I didn’t expect it to attempt to have a story. What I got instead was like zero smut and a terrible first half that had my eyes rolling so far back in my head I thought I’d never get them straightened out. But the second half was actually fairly decent . . . . minus the still no dirty sexuals for me to perv out on. Apparently I read it wrong because I took a gander at other reviews and it seems everyone hated the second half but liked the first. It’s okay, I’m used to wrongreading at this point. At least I can say I have read a "taboo" romance and I will definitely check out more stuff by this author in the future. The next time a stepbrother story gets waved in front of my face, though?????
Thanks to my pervy book fairy for this hook up. Since I have zero shame I totally asked the porny librarian to buy this about 27 times, but that ho ignored me....more
Indy has been in love with her best friend’s brother Lee ever since she was a weFind all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
2.5 Stars
Indy has been in love with her best friend’s brother Lee ever since she was a wee little girl. When she was a teenager she threw herself at him (pretty much literally) for the last time. That’s when he told her she was like a sister to him. For the past decade, Indy has avoided Lee as much possible, but has never fully been able to due to their families' combined celebrations of birthdays/holidays/generic Sunday backyard BBQs, etc. When Indy finds herself in a real pickle featuring one of her employees (who just happens to be everyone in town’s favorite coffee guru) and a bag of diamonds, Lee plants himself firmly in her life. She also finds out when it comes to how he used to only view her in a “sisterly” manner, that . . . .
“That was then, this is now.”
This had soooooo much potential. If you’re like me and have suffered through eleventy thousand Stephanie Plum stories, but can’t quit because they are your crack, you would have probably been all giggly schoolgirl upon starting this one too. Basically, Indy is a moron just like Stephanie. She gets kidnapped and blown up and shot at, etc., etc., etc. The difference here? SHE BANGS RANGER. Now, it takes a while to get there, but Lee is totally Ranger and they totally bang. (And you can just go ahead and spare me if you even are thinking of getting pissy and saying this isn’t like the Evanovich series because Kristen Ashley has in her mothereffing BIO that Evanovich is one of her influences.) So what went wrong?????
Ashley should have taken a bit more inspiration from Evanovich and realized that there was not enough story here for 400+ pages. I can get over the very loose “Rock Chick” gimmick – seriously girlfriend listened to rock music, wore denim miniskirts, bangles and big belt buckles and had a claim to fame of getting a little handsy with a guitar hero . . . .
Good Christ, I don’t need a description of every godblasted outfit the woman wore each day. There’s an old saying: “the devil’s in the details.” If that’s true, then Old Scratch must’ve had a front row seat during the writing of this one.
Some of you are probably asking why didn’t I just cut bait and DNF instead of letting it annoy the shit out of me for nearly three days? Well, because (1) KA really triggered the ol’ sploosh zone for me with one of her previous offerings, (2) this one had some of the aforementioned things going for it as well as having a pretty LOL-able bad guy . . . .
“He was short, had to be in his fifties and had jet-black hair with white at each temple. He looked like what I would guess a young Grandpa Munster would look like, except a lot more creepy and definitely scary, but not in a comic way.”
(3) It made me chuckle a few times. Not only because Indy was a loveable idiot, but also because of stuff like this . . . .
“Wear sexy panties tonight,” he said against my mouth. “I don’t have any other options except commando.” Lee’s arm tightened spasmodically right before he murmured, “Christ.”
Not to mention (4) I was not blessed with the ability to not finish something. Mainly because . . . .
It probably goes without saying that I won’t be continuing on with this series. I’m sure that won’t hurt Kristen Ashley’s feelings one little bit since she has a mass of fangirls. Seriously, I don’t know how y’all do it. I get that these are self-pubbed, but for Jeebus' sake at some point you have to . . . .
“You need some cock in your life, and he knows what he’s doing!”
Mariana Zapata is an author who has popped up on my feed every now and again ever since I joined GR. Unfortunately, the porny librarian has not yet stocked any of her titles. When I saw this one shining like a beacon over on Amazon for a measly buck, I one-clicked that sumbitch lickity split. The other morning I started reading it while waiting for my morning fix to come out of the fancy barista coffee maker when I was startled by one of the senior partners asking what was the book of the day. My reaction was exactly what you would expect it to be . . . . .
Thank Jeebus he was classy enough to leave me with my smut and a response of “nevermind.” What can I say? A girl has to mix things up every once in a while.
The story here is about Kat and Tristan, two strangers who have quite the meet cute at a porn convention. While waiting on her bestie to get the porn star of her dream’s autograph, Kat’s undies start creeping so she backs herself into a nearby table in order to take care of the problem. Now I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger, but Tristan just so happens to be seated at said table and makes his presence known . . . .
After recovering from their awkward meet/cute, Tristan and Kat run into each other a few times over the course of the day, and then Kat discovers Tristan’s alter ego – a porn star known as “Robby Lingus” . . . .
Tristan acknowledges he’s not really interested in a girlfriend and Kat acknowledges she’s uncomfortable dating a dude who bangs chicks for a living as we readers embark on a “friends to lovers” trope.
As with all porny selections, there’s a bit of reality that has to be left at the door. This go around, our leading male is a porn star by weekend/whenever he gets hired for a gig and an intern/law student by day. Now, if you’ve ever worked in a law firm you are fully aware that the background check they do on you before you are officially hired will dig up any and everything you’ve ever done in your life, up to and including that one time when you farted in a crowded elevator (totally a friend of mine – not me). So obviously your initial reaction will be . . . .
But you’ve gotta figure out how to just go with it.
Things that worked for me with Lingus was that it was humorous and that I’ve developed quite the obsession with a certain (more than likely) sociopath this summer while watching Big Brother with my family . . . .
So even though the description of Tristan didn’t match that of Cody, my perverted brain made it happen anyway. That pretty much amounted to my internal voice screaming . . . .
Which leads to the problems. These two did not get together until the EIGHTY-NINE PERCENT MARK. That’s a lotta blue balls. I’m sure some will disagree, but I do not pick up porn when I’m looking for a “good story.” That’s always a plus, but at some point I want to get the show on the road. I don’t want to spend nearly 500 pages waiting on some penetration FFS. All that makes me do is start focusing on things that shouldn’t even be a blip on my radar. Things like how many times these two “snorted” while laughing. In case you were wondering – there were NINETY-SEVEN references to snort laughing. Good thing I didn’t take a shot every time they did it . . . . .
He should know by now that nobody puts Baby in a corner interrupts my reading.
He should also be thankful it took me so many days to actually read Smut because things might end up working in his favor after all. I had every intention of reading this on Friday, because not only was it my birthday, but I had to work and I was just dying for the chance to answer the daily “What are you reading, hmmmmmm?????” question with “SMUT!”, but then work got worky and Cottonmouths was waiting at the library and then maybe Michael Phelps was going to be eaten by a shark on live television and I had to catch up on Big Brother, so I finally circled back to this on Monday. It probably ended up being the best thing that could’ve happened with respect to my enjoyment level too ‘cause the outcome did not look so good when I first started.
It all began with a sad attempt at a proposal . . . .
Followed by projectile vomiting from our female lead that made it pretty clear the answer to the popped question was a definite negatory. Things then fast-forwarded to a creative writing class where our h is disgusted on the daily by the local manbearpig H pretty much just because he exists. Normally that would annoy me, but he drove a car he called “Mr. Mean” and had a British accent that appeared would only come out when he talked about “arses,” so I was kind of crossing my fingers for some more of that vomit and for it to be pointed right his direction. Not that the h wasn’t tired as eff too – with her “cayenne pepper and cinnamon” colored hair . . . .
Let’s just say I was not feeling things. Everything felt like it was trying waaaaaaay too hard. However, when I picked this up after my brief hiatus, things got better. Amanda and Blake got partnered up for a class project (because duh), we learned that Blake was in need of some quick cash and we met Amanda’s roommate Ana . . . .
Things really started looking up when Blake convinced Amanda to team up with him and write some self-published erotica in order to get the albatross of debt that was strangling him off his neck. Their quest for a pen name had me giggling . . . .
Their descriptions of male and female main characters in most pornos was spot on . . .
“Dirty talking alpha male. Extremely large penis. Built like The Rock. A millionaire is good, but a billionaire is better. Make sure he donates to Africa or does some charity work, even though he’s an asshole with a damaged past.”
“Must be a doormat and void of personality or any interesting characteristics so that the reader can interject their own selves. A virgin is preferred, but she must be able to get off on command. Condoms aren’t necessary, but ropes and whips are. She must refer to her vagina as ‘her sex’ and be clenching constantly.”
By the time they started brainstorming plots I thought I might piss my pants . . . .
“Spread Open: A Gynecological Love Story - Nelson Dunsmuir was one of the world’s best Navy Seals. But when a mission goes wrong and he loses his best mate, he quits the Seals and decides to go back to his first career – gynecology. The moment Pender Galiano walks into his office needing a pap smear, Nelson knows he has to have the gorgeous virgin. But when old enemies rise up, Nelson has to protect Pender at all costs, even though loving her may cost him his life.”
That’s not to say things were perfect - especially when the two had their first kiss and we learned that Amanada . . .
“tastes gorgeous, like mint and orange.”
Excuse me? MINT and ORANGE?!?!?!?!?!?! Like . . . .
3.5 Stars, but rounded down because it took quite a while to remove the initial bad taste in my mouth – even worse than toothpaste and orange juice. Eventually, though?????
Yep. I could. I also got a perverse enjoyment from the talk about 1 and 5 Star reviews when a book isn’t even out yet as well as some spilled tea about someone who “all this time she’s had a blog and leaving authors all sorts of nasty reviews, then gives her own books five stars” . . . . .
I’ll definitely be picking up more Karina Halle in the future. Hear that, porny librarian? I bet you’ve missed me and my demands. It’s been like three days since I harassed you for a new book....more
Let me make things real clear here before anyone loses their shit about my medioFind all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
2.5 Stars
Let me make things real clear here before anyone loses their shit about my mediocre rating. Hollywood Dirt was a perfectly fine little book - just . . . . .
Just kidding. She stayed right where she was. Cole Master, on the other hand, has just shown up – having purchased the rights to a novel about Summer’s little town that he is now going to turn into a movie. That should be enough info for you to decide if you want to take the bait or not.
If you like your romance to come in the hate-to-love variety, have balls of steel that don’t turn blue with a slow roller, your sex scenes (when you finally get them) to be one step away from fade to black and a couple who pretty much is the epitome of this . . . .
(Excluding the part where he goes in bare without ever having a conversation about birth control or at least assuring her he doesn’t have a drippy dick from all the chicks he’s been banging ever since he caught his ex-wife cheating on him, of course.)
This might be more successful for you.
Unfortunately, my first experience with Alessandra Torre was with her writing as A.R. Torre and The Girl in 6E which featured a leading lady who did this on the intertubes by day . . . .
If you know me at all, you’ll know there was little to no chance of this one measuring up. I think I’ll break my own guidelines and read the second Deanna Madden book . . . . at some point. It is up there on the “hysterectomy shelves” (phrase coined by my husband since it appears it will take me being on medical leave or a housebound due to the zombie apocalypse before I ever read all the crap I own) after all....more
After reading Hate F*@k at the end of the week (in front of a bunch of little leaguers’ parents even because I am the epitome of class), I definitely had a . . . . taste for something and . . . .
However, I try to only let myself fall completely down the porny rabbit hole a couple of times a year and decided I would read one of my million library books instead. When I got word that the kid would be playing at O Dark Thirty (and in B.F.E. to boot) on Sunday morning I gave myself a reprieve from freezing my ass off for the third day in a row and decided to celebrate my newly acquired alone time by watching a movie. And what should just so happen to be on at 6:00 a.m. on the holy day? Magic Mike XXL! I was like “we’ve got a lot of starving faithful – that looks tasty – that looks plenty – this is hungry work – TAKE ME TO CHURCH!!!”
The story here is of Bentley and Margot. Back in high school the two were besties for the resties. She pined for him, he . . . well, he kinda banged the whole cheerleading squad. Then something [superbad – not sure how much of this would be a spoiler so we’ll just leave it as is] happened – leading to another superbad and you know how these books go – the two never bothered to talk anything out and all the feelings remained hurt and yada yada. Fastforward to the present where we’ve just wrapped up The Bachelor Auction that left Bentley sold to an old granny. Turns out the granny was actually working as a double-agent with the end goal of getting Bentley and Margot back together again. Things being convoluted as they are in the land of romance, there’s also a sidestory about a job promotion should Bentley complete his task which of course will eventually lead to more confusion and hurt feelings and additional yada yada. Buuuuuuuuuuuut, there is smexytimes stuff around the halfway point and that’s really all we’re here for anyway, amiright or amiright?????
If you’re interested in an angsty romance (and one with pretty legit angst, not just bullshit that makes you eyeroll), this might be a winner. I have confessed my girl crush on Rachel Van Dyken a time or twelve before, so it should be pretty obvious by now that I’ll read pretty much anything she writes – even if they don’t always work for me. I was surprised that I actually enjoyed this one more than the first in the series because I usually start screaming “JUST FUCKING TALK ALREADY” at my Kindle when there’s too much drama llama. The only minor complaints I have are as follows:
She was a hot redhead because OF COURSE SHE FUCKING WAS . . . .
Enough with the hot redheads. They are as hard to come by as a Unicorn Frappucino.
The other gripe? In The Bachelor Auction Bentley was described as . . . .
“He was about an inch shorter than Brock, but had the same perfect auburn hair.”
In this book we’re told that . . . .
“Shots of caramel mixed in with the nearly black tresses.”
Uhhhhhhhh??????
But once again, didn’t really matter to me because Magic Mike XXL viewing and any description that makes me think of Matt Boner . . . errrr Bomer . . . . is a good description . . . .
In one day Maddie dumped her boyfriend and got fired from her job. When news arrFind all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
2.5 Stars
In one day Maddie dumped her boyfriend and got fired from her job. When news arrives that her recently deceased mother has left an inn to Maddie and her two half-sisters she can’t imagine better timing for starting over. Unfortunately when she makes it to the Lucky Harbor Inn in Lucky Harbor, Washington she discovers her sisters do not share Maddie’s interest in running the inn, but want to sell and get back to their own lives ASAP. Especially when they actually get to the inn and discover . . . .
Okay, maybe not that bad, but definitely in need of some work. Enter Jax. Handyman by day and . . . . well, you’ll find out everything you need to know about him if you choose to read the book. Not only is Jax adept at the hammer, but Maddie quickly discovers that . . . .
However, she’s sworn off men and she’s only going to be in town for a few weeks anyway so she definitely doesn’t need any complications. Right????
So there you have it. I moused over to the porny library site immediately after reading Karen update about some shower sexuals that had my glasses fogging up. I had never heard of Jill Shalvis before, but apparently she’s written about eleventy thousand books because the library had a good 20 or 30 available in Kindle format for request. This one ended up being just okay for me, but let me ‘splain myself and you might find my problems aren’t going to be anything that would deter your enjoyment.
I loved the idea of these three sisters who hadn’t grown up together/didn’t really know each other getting thrown together as their mother’s last wish and taking over the inn. I realize this was the first in a series and Shalvis probably already knew what direction she wanted to take, but for me there was waaaaaaaay too much ado about nothing when it came to the other two being so desperate to cut and run. It was pretty obvious that wasn’t going to be the end result.
My main issue, though, had to do with the tired trope. I realized things were going South when (despite the quality bathing ritual mentioned above), my husband walked in to the reading room and asked . . . .
These broads need therapy and a lot of it. They don’t need to get banged. And yes I know it’s all fantasy, but this particular blend of tea isn’t very palatable to me.
I’m also missing a couple of chromosomes so every time the leading male’s (who was basically the wet dream of any woman who has ever swooned over a Nicholas Sparks leading male) name Jax was mentioned my brain kept thinking things like . . . .
To remind me that Jax is NOT a super saccharine pansy boy like I was supposed to be thinking of.
Then there was the leading lady Maddie Moore, which my brain insisted on calling Mandy Moore. And while I realize Mandy Moore is in a television show that maybe I’m one of only 10 women in America NOT tuning into every week, in my head she’ll always be . . . .
Actually, it would have been so much better if she was a little more aggressive.
Anyway, for the above reasons this one ended up being “just okay” for me (hence the middle-of-the-road rating), BUUUUUUUUUUT I would read more of this series (1) assuming the storyline actually progresses at more than a snail’s pace – if you have read it and know that it doesn’t do me a solid and let me know (2) I want to see what happens when the inn is reopened and (3) I want Tara and Chloe to make all the sex with Ford and Sawyer....more
Kelly (and the Book Boar)
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