Witty Comebacks Quotes

“I’m no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.”
― Mark A. Cooper, Royal Decree

“Laurence the last time I saw something like you I flushed it away.”
― Mark A. Cooper, Face-Off

“How dare you. Do you have any idea who I am?” Laurence whined.
“I’m no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.”
― Mark A. Cooper, Face-Off

“Why Fight When You Can Negotiate?”
― Captain Jack Sparrow

“...to go to a dance with a guy who has all the personality of a serial killer mixed with a sponge.”
― J.A. Beard

“What are you - Secret Service?'
'If I were, I wouldn't admit it.'
'And you're not admitting it, I notice.”
― Robert Goddard, The Ways of the World

“And the challenge in the next round would be determined by the winner of this test. "Like, what, the DOM-matrix?" ~Tara Reese”
― Lucian Bane, Dom Wars: Round Two

“You're not a lawyer, are you?' asked the nurse suspiciously. 'One of those geniuses who gets a
degree while they're still in nappies?'
Artemis sighed. 'A genius, yes. A lawyer, hardly. I am, mademoiselle, a customer.'
And suddenly the nurse was all charm.
'Oh, a customer! Why didn't you say so? I'll show you right in. Would sir care for tea, coffee or
perhaps something stronger?'
'I am thirteen years old, mademoiselle.'
'A juice?'
'Tea would be fine. Earl Grey if you have it. No sugar, obviously; it might make me
hyperactive.”
― Eoin Colfer, Eternity Code, The-Artemis Fowl, Book 3

“Ignatov: "...History has shown charm to be the final ambition of the leisure class. What I do find surprising is that the author of the poem in question could have become a man so obviously without purpose. "
Rostov: "I have lived under the impression that a man's purpose is known only to God."
Ignatov: "Indeed. How convenient that must have been for you.”
― Amor Towles, A Gentleman in Moscow

“Fink had a full bowl and grinned at me as he sat back on the bench. "It would help if you used words like 'please and 'thank you.'"

"Then I'll thank you to please stay out of my business."

- The Runaway King”
― Jennifer A. Nielsen, The Runaway King

“If you're asking me to wear a ski mask, check the Darkwood handbook, Levi says. Page one hundred thirty-seven. Dress Code. Second Paragraph, fourth line. Prohibited item number forty-two: ski masks or other masks that cover the face.

Prohibited item number forty-two? Is this kid serious?”
― Rebecca Hanover, The Similars

“Fuck that, go lay an egg, I’m next.”
― H.S. Crow

“First get rich, then become a philosopher”
― Shah Rukh Khan

“Ranta: Let's just pray that she actually is a tsundere... Though, if she were a tsundere, obviously, the one she'd go dere for is me, you know? That's kind of... not so bad, I guess?

Moguzo: O-Obviously, she wouldn't go dere for Ranta, I think...

Ranta: Oh, shut up, Moguzo!”
― Ao Jūmonji, Grimgar of Fantasy and Ash: Volume 1

“A little misery wouldn’t matter very much with her. It would go so well with the way she does her hair...”
― Saki

“He took a long breath. "I know this doesn't make you happy. But there's a reason."

"Is that right?" (she said)

"How much do you have?"

"You know what I've always liked about you Michael?"

"No, what?"

"I don't remember either.”
― Justin Cronin, The City of Mirrors