Psychological Abuse Quotes

“My dad had limitations. That's what my good-hearted mom always told us. He had limitations, but he meant no harm. It was kind of her to say, but he did do harm.”
― Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

“Perfectionism is the unparalleled defense for emotionally abandoned children. The existential unattainability of perfection saves the child from giving up, unless or until, scant success forces him to retreat into the depression of a dissociative disorder, or launches him hyperactively into an incipient conduct disorder. Perfectionism also provides a sense of meaning and direction for the powerless and unsupported child. In the guise of self-control, striving to be perfect offers a simulacrum of a sense of control. Self-control is also safer to pursue because abandoning parents typically reserve their severest punishment for children who are vocal about their negligence.”
― Pete Walker

“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways in which he has been good to her. Friends say: “He treats you that way because he can get away with it. I would never let someone treat me that way.” But she knows that the times when she puts her foot down the most firmly, he responds by becoming his angriest and most intimidating. When she stands up to him, he makes her pay for it—sooner or later. Friends say: “Leave him.” But she knows it won’t be that easy. He will promise to change. He’ll get friends and relatives to feel sorry for him and pressure her to give him another chance. He’ll get severely depressed, causing her to worry whether he’ll be all right. And, depending on what style of abuser he is, she may know that he will become dangerous when she tries to leave him. She may even be concerned that he will try to take her children away from her, as some abusers do.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“Sometimes, it is how you shine in the darkness during other people's misery that is remembered more than anything you could have said or done when you have suffered just as much.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“Invalidating someone else is not merely disagreeing with something that the other person said. It is a process in which individuals communicate to another that the opinions and emotions of the target are invalid, irrational, selfish, uncaring, stupid, most likely insane, and wrong, wrong, wrong. Invalidators let it be known directly or indirectly that their targets views and feelings do not count for anything to anybody at any time or in any way.”
― David M. Allen

“Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement, and the branches are control.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“You’re too sensitive’ victims of sexual abuse are told over and over by those whose reality depends on being insensitive. Most adults who have been in the victim role cringe when anyone tells them they are sensitive. In fact, sensitivity is a lovely trait and one to be cherished in any human being.”
― Renee Fredrickson, Repressed Memories: A Journey to Recovery from Sexual Abuse

“Someone carries my belief that raises hope in me, but flame didn’t last for long”
― Durgesh Satpathy, Equating the Equations of Insanity: A Journey from Grief to Victory

“If the abuser is a parent or caretaker, the abuse may be the most attention the child has had from that person. To the child, withholding attention can be a powerful form of coercion. Sexual molestation may be accompanied by physical expressions of affection that are sometimes the only affection the child receives.”
― Rick Moskovitz, Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder

“Treating Abuse Today 3(4) pp. 26-33
TAT: No. I don't know anymore than you know they're not. But, I'm talking about boundaries and privacy here. As a therapist working with survivors, I have been harassed by people who claim to be affiliated with the false memory movement. Parents and other family members have called or written me insisting on talking with me about my patients' cases, despite my clearly indicating I can't because of professional confidentiality. I have had other parents and family members investigate me -- look into my professional background -- hoping to find something to discredit me to the patients I was seeing at the time because they disputed their memories. This isn't the kind of sober, scientific discourse you all claim you want.”
― David L. Calof

“The term 'flying monkey' is called 'abuse by proxy.' The flying monkeys do the bidding for a narcissist. The term flying monkey was coined in the movie The Wizard of Oz. The flying monkeys were under the wicked witches spell to gang up on poor Dorothy and her friends.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“You owe it to yourself to stand up and advocate for yourself. To not agree to what is harmful to you. To protect yourself from further bullying, manipulation, gaslighting, and abuse.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“THE NO CONTACT RULE:

1. Zero contact; face to face & online.
2. No phone calls.
3. No text messaging.
4. No attending events where they're present.
5. No emails.
6. No letters, cards, or gifts.
7. No checking their social media profile.
8. No contacting their family and friends.
9. No combing through old photographs.
10. No going down memory lane.
11. Zero communication.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“conditioned me to split my voice in two
one to keep to myself
the other to appease you”
― Laura Gentile, coming here to die: polyphonic grief poetry

“Witch mothers are more likely to bring their children for treatment than to seek help for themselves. They project their own pathology onto their child, and often expect the child to be institutionalized. Because the no-good child is the target of the Witch’s projections of self-hatred, the mother may wish for the child to be sent away.”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“one day, you're not You
anymore

you become the Terror
sewn into your spine

there's no safe place to go
because the One you trusted

is the Lost and Lowdown
seamstress

you live for a while as the Terror
and absorb the experience

but after the Terror,
there is something so glorious...”
― Casey Renee Kiser, Not Your Kind: The Gaslit Files

“In 2018, I publicly disclosed that I had experienced psychological abuse by my sisters. Prior to uploading my first YouTube video on this sensitive topic, I had no idea if anyone else would relate. Shortly after my video went live, I received hundreds of comments by strangers who shared similar stories of being bullied, manipulated, gaslit, and abused by their own siblings. Five years later, my videos now have over 163,234K views and thousands of comments.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“The scapegoat is the family punching bag. On a daily basis, you are singled out for all of the collective ridicule, made into the butt of every joke, and excluded from family events, holidays, and important legal matters. It doesn't take long for outsiders or other relatives to take note of your role and to be drawn into the destructive dynamics. Family scapegoats are belittled, humiliated, battered, rejected, betrayed, and treated poorly. It's a clear case of psychological abuse, manipulation, and harassment.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“I’ve thought of all the times when we could have forestalled damage to the children, but the truth is we were damaged ourselves. Even if we had worked that out, it wouldn’t have been much use. Those early wounds run deep.

Eve had been ignored as a child, controlled but neglected; longing for freedom and longing for affection, she was ridiculously generous with both, and I don’t just mean Martin. She trusted everyone. How would she have recognized cruelty when she was determined to love everyone she met?

Melly swapped one tyrant for another, her father for her husband; it’s hard to know who caused the most damage, especially as she was hell-bent on damaging herself. When you are anorexic, it actually does something to your vision; you can’t assess what you see properly. I heard that on the radio yesterday and I wanted to tell her, but I’m not sure if that would help; not now.

I was damaged by greed: my own. My grandfather told me that anything was possible; it wasn’t his fault that I believed him. I thought I could manage it all – work, marriage, kids, writing, being scared. That was wrong, or worse, half right. He forgot to add that anything is possible, but not on your own. He might have thought that was completely obvious; I grew up in an African village, after all. I should have asked for help when I needed it. He told me to walk slowly and he was right. I might have noticed what was there in front of me. You can’t blame Melly for not seeing things properly, when I wasn’t watching either.”
― Jane Shemilt, Little Friends

“Sibling abuse is underreported. It’s common for it to go under the radar. Typically, in early childhood, sibling rivalry can start out with squabbles, disagreements, name-calling, and competition between brothers and sisters. The rivalry is reciprocal. The motive can be for parental attention. Or a dozen other reasons.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“According to an article, Sibling Abuse and Bullying: The Hidden Epidemic on Psychology Today by Darlene Lancer, “Often labeled rivalry and ignored, sibling bullying and abuse cause real trauma. Sibling abuse is the most common, but least reported abuse in the family. Prevalence is higher than spousal or child abuse combined with consequences well into adulthood similar to parent-child abuse. Up to 80% of youth experience some form of sibling maltreatment; yet it’s been called the forgotten abuse.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“This gives a whole new meaning to ‘family mobbing.’ According to author and survivor, Stephanie A. Sellers, Ph.D, who wrote the book, Daughters Healing from Family Mobbing: Stories and Approaches to Recovery from Shunning, Aggression, and Family Violence, “Family Mobbing is a group act of aggression that targets a family member. It can be typified by a single act of violence or a pattern of abuse over years. Whether isolated or long-term, mobbing enforces the family’s domination and control over another. As family members continue to tyrannize their target, the aggressive group may expand to include friends, neighbors, business associates, and clergy. Family Mobbing encompasses varied acts of aggression that cannot be understood by examining one motivation or cause. The pattern of behavior always isolates one family member and inflicts as much emotional pain as possible. Unlike sibling rivalry, the intention is to establish superiority or to provoke fear and distress. Factors to consider include the motives, the degree of severity, a power of imbalance, victimization element, physical injuries, and trauma.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“There are dozens, if not hundreds, of reasons to write about sibling abuse. The one that stands out the most is the startling facts. Simply stated, sibling abuse is at alarming rates. This type of abuse is underreported. One reason why it’s underreported is toxic shame, which is dumped onto the abuse victim.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“After spending five decades of being beaten down, mistreated, and stabbed in the back, little Dana grew up. Little Dana fearlessly faced her trauma wounds. Little Dana cracked open that terrifying door to process and to address everything. And when I write everything, I mean ‘every rotten thing said and done to harm me.’ Everything from my early childhood sexual abuse, child neglect, psychological abuse, physical abuse, unfit parenting by my narcissistic mother, to my sister’s spouse who sexually assaulted me, to every imaginable covert scheme by my six toxic siblings (AKA Flying Monkeys) who sadistically enjoyed hurting me. They each took great pleasure in trying to destroy me, my life, my health, my relationships, my career, and my reputation.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“It's perplexing how family members claim their undying love for us. They can say whatever they choose. Their actions and behaviors don't match their words. There is an imbalance in sibling and parental relationships. There are distinct discrepancies in what they claimed (saying they did nothing wrong) versus my reality of what took place (abuse). LOVE AND ABUSE CANNOT COEXIST.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“Sibling triangulation is a heartless form of manipulation in which one person seeks to control a three-person interpersonal situation for their selfish needs. It can involve the use of threats of exclusion or strategies tom divide and conquer. Sibling triangulation may involve narcissistic abuse. The narcissist could be your father, mother, sibling, partner, spouse, relative, friend, co-worker, boss, or someone else.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“men needed two bodies to exist
one to exploit
and one to crown king”
― Laura Gentile, coming here to die: polyphonic grief poetry

“and through your touch
I lived in your past”
― Laura Gentile, coming here to die: polyphonic grief poetry

“you violated the body in such a way
that only the soul would know”
― Laura Gentile, coming here to die: polyphonic grief poetry

“Abuse is defined as any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation and verbal or physical assaults. In other words, you don’t have to be hit to be abused. In physical battering the weapons are fists; in psychological battering the weapons are words. The only difference between the two is the choice of weapons.”
― Susan Forward, Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them: When Loving Hurts and You Don't Know Why