Monkeys Quotes

“Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal... In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning. Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace; even affectionately.

Next, in another cage I confined an Irish Catholic from Tipperary, and as soon as he seemed tame I added a Scotch Presbyterian from Aberdeen. Next a Turk from Constantinople; a Greek Christian from Crete; an Armenian; a Methodist from the wilds of Arkansas; a Buddhist from China; a Brahman from Benares. Finally, a Salvation Army Colonel from Wapping. Then I stayed away for two whole days. When I came back to note results, the cage of Higher Animals was all right, but in the other there was but a chaos of gory odds and ends of turbans and fezzes and plaids and bones and flesh--not a specimen left alive. These Reasoning Animals had disagreed on a theological detail and carried the matter to a Higher Court.”
― Mark Twain, Letters from the Earth: Uncensored Writings

“Once we were blobs in the sea, and then fishes, and then lizards and rats and then monkeys, and hundreds of things in between. This hand was once a fin, this hand once had claws! In my human mouth I have the pointy teeth of a wolf and the chisel teeth of a rabbit and the grinding teeth of a cow! Our blood is as salty as the sea we used to live in! When we're frightened, the hair on our skin stands up, just like it did when we had fur. We are history! Everything we've ever been on the way to becoming us, we still are. [...]

I'm made up of the memories of my parents and my grandparents, all my ancestors. They're in the way I look, in the colour of my hair. And I'm made up of everyone I've ever met who's changed the way I think.”
― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

“Claim whatever you want. Say you only want a happy family or a successful career or a big house. I say: no, that's not what you want. You'll settle for those things, but you really want a monkey that does your evil bidding. Pullman is a genius just for this.”
― Maureen Johnson, World of the Golden Compass: The Otherworldly Ride Continues [Paperback]

“We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.”
― Robert Wilensky

“No!" Leo yelled.
"Uhhh," Nico groaned from the floor.
"Piper!" Jason cried.
"Monkey!" Frank yelled.
"Not monkeys," Hazel grumbled. "I think those are dwarfs."
"Stealing my stuff!" Leo yelled, and ran for the stairs.”
― Rick Riordan

“I cook better than you," Nick corrected absently. "I think monkeys can probably be taught to cook better than you."
"I'd like to have a monkey that cooked for me," said Jamie. " I would pay him in bananas. His name would be Alphonse."
"I agree, that would be awesome." Mae said. "People would come for dinner just to see the monkey chef."
"You're raving," Nick said, defrosting chicken in the microwave. Mae was a bit impressed with how he seemed to look at the appliance and instantly comprehend its mysteries, when she'd been heating up ready-made meals for years by a method of pressing random buttons and hoping. " I know that's the only way Jamie communicates with people, but I expected better of you, Mavis."
"We're cutting out the whole Mavis thing right now, Nick," Mae said warningly.
"How many bananas would be good payment for a monkey?" Jamie wanted to know. " I would want to pay Alphonse a fair wage.”
― Sarah Rees Brennan, The Demon's Covenant

“It’s strange how what drives us may abandon us midstream, how what tickles our ears with lies one moment may tell us truths that knock us on our emotional ass the next.
After all, it is an unbelievably real world, with Darwin scribbling his thoughts into books and telling us what monkeys we are. Each of us explores possibility, hungry for sustaining adoration, yet we know enough to render ourselves helpless.
We strive and strain, bellow and believe, we learn, and everything we learn tells us the same thing: life is one great meaningful experience in a meaningless world. Brilliance has many parts, yet each part is incomplete.
We live, heal and attempt to piece together a picture worth the price of our very lives.
The picture I saw presented demonic executioners, who crippled those daring to look and consumed souls without defense. They’re everywhere. Some are people we know. Others are the great fears and addictions of our lives.”
― Christopher Hawke

“For God’s sake, let us be men
not monkeys minding machines
or sitting with our tails curled
while the machine amuses us, the radio or film or gramophone.

Monkeys with a bland grin on our faces.”
― D.H. Lawrence, Selected Letters

“Instead of politicians, let the monkeys govern the countries; at least they will steal only the bananas!”
― Mehmet Murat ildan

“Cats and monkeys - monkeys and cats - all human life is there!”
― Henry James, The Madonna of the Future

“Even monkeys fall from trees.”
― Chris Bradford, The Ring of Earth

“It wouldn't happen... There hasn't been one publication by a monkey”
― Karl Pilkington, The Ricky Gervais Show - First, Second and Third Seasons

“Humility is a virtue of the heavenly, not arrogance. Are we the most superior beast on earth? No, not in strength and not in intelligence. It is very arrogant to assume that we are the most intelligent species when we keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Both rats and monkeys have been shown to learn from error, yet we have not. More people have died in the name of religion than any other cause on earth. Is massacring God’s creations really serving God – or the devil? And what father would want to see his children constantly divided and fighting? What God would allow a single human life to be sacrificed for monetary gain? Again, the Creator or the devil?”
― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

“i heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.”
― Bill Hirst

“I mean to say, we all sprang from humble origins. Goodness gracious, who would have thought that a species of monkey would take over the kingdom of the world. … I cannot help but feel that the monkey was not a good choice. Surely one of the cat family would have been much more satisfactory. They have a much less emotional approach to life. ("The Shadmock")”
― R. Chetwynd-Hayes

“Everything is improved by the judicious application of primates.”
― Chris Roberson

“The phrase 'I just turn on my monkey and it makes me feel good' sounds very dirty, but I can't explain why. It's great to try to use expressions like that on the comics page. People want to complain but they can't, because they can't figure out quite what they should be complaining about.”
― Stephan Pastis

“I’d been traveling in Asia long enough to know that monkeys there are nothing like their trombone-playing, tambourine-banging cousins I’d seen on TV as a kid.

Free-living Asian primates possess a characteristic I found shocking and confusing the first time I saw it: self-respect. If you make the mistake of holding the gaze of a street monkey in India, Nepal, or Malaysia, you’ll find you’re facing a belligerently intelligent creature whose expression says, with a Robert DeNiro–like scowl, “What the hell are you looking at? You wanna piece of me?”

Forget about putting one of these guys in a little red vest.”
― Christopher Ryan, Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality

“FRUITS AND NUTS


Keep jumping around them like monkeys.
The clones,
Commercialized zombies,
And the TV junkies.
Keep throwing berries,
Twigs,
And nuts at them.
Until they wake up
To see what's up
And figure out why
We're laughing at 'em.”
― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

“With no small amount of trepidation, we walked alone past a colony of black-faced monkeys we’d been told were extremely dangerous. We avoided eye contact and certainly didn’t take pictures. And dearly wished our old Sherpa bag-carrying matey was nearby. We visited Gandhi’s tomb. We saw saris being printed and hand-knotted carpets being fabricated and negotiated a decent price for a small hand-crafted rug of Mughal design that, as long as we keep the certificate of authenticity safe, should appreciated in value. We witnessed poverty beyond poverty, with ‘untouchables’ so poor that they are actually outside the caste system, and who can’t even afford to live in the unsanitary slums described as 'unfit for human habitation.”
― Karl Wiggins, Wrong Planet - Searching for your Tribe

“So once the zookeeper realized it was the monkeys who stole the bananas, he knew there was only one way he'd be able to get them back."
"How?" I whispered. My throat was so sore.
"Don't talk. He had to beat them in shuffleboard, of course."
"What?"
"I said don't talk. Monkeys love shuffleboard."
He used a page from a homework assignment he'd failed and a stack of quarters to make a shuffleboard court. I watched the monkeys and the zookeepers have their showdown while I sipped the last of my applejuice.
"Need more?" Graham asked me without looking up, when my straw skidded against the dry bottom of the box.
"Uh uh."
"You're supposed to drink juice."
"I just drank some."
"More, though."
I shook my head.
"Drink more juice or the monkeys are going to kill you. The only thing they love more than shuffleboard is beating up dehydrated sick boys.”
― Hannah Moskowitz, Zombie Tag

“ she has big ears like a monkey , she can probably hear really good!”
― Charise Mericle Harper

“People are like, ‘Oh, you can’t take humans out of the loop, I’m a human and I’m an awesome driver.’ And I’m like, no, man, you’re not an awesome driver. You’re a monkey, and monkeys suck at making decisions.”
― Tim Cannon

“Pain and sickness and hunger and fighting—there's no need for any of it. It's as foolish as those little monkeys.”
― Robert Heinlein

“Monkey business made a monkey out of a man.”
― Tamerlan Kuzgov

“Monkeys are caught in a number of ways, but one of the most unique ways is a do-it-yourself project. Make or perhaps get a large sturdy wooden box out of dunnage or plywood and modify it so that one side is mostly wire-mesh. Drill a hole into one of the adjoining sides that is just large enough for the monkey’s hand to fit through. Finally, place a banana into the box through a trap door installed in the bottom of the box.
The result should be that the banana in the box is visible to the monkey through the side having the wire-mesh. Seeing the banana, the monkey will reach through the hole, grab the banana and then try to pull it through the hole. Of course, having made a fist around the banana makes the monkey’s hand too large for it to be extracted. Normally the monkey’s greed will overcome his intelligence and he won’t let go and Voila, you have caught the little critter and now the fun begins!
The difficult part is separating the monkey from the banana and the box without the monkey biting and tearing your hand to shreds. This part works best if you have a large cage which you can use to transfer the monkey into. However, wearing gloves is definitely a given!”
― Captain Hank Bracker, The Exciting Story of Cuba

“Hear Wrong
See Wrong
Speak Wrong

D.E.S.I.G.N. Thinking Core
by Vineet Raj Kapoor

Explanation:

Patience to unbiasedly Listen to the wrong about your idea/ product/ service

Critical Eye to Observe the wrong about your idea/ product/ service

Courage to Speak the wrong about your idea/ product/ service to the management”
― Vineet Raj Kapoor

“The gambling impulse even predates humanity: A variety of animals, from bees to primates, embrace risk for a chance at reward. A 2005 Duke University study found that macaque monkeys preferred to follow a "riskier" target, which gave them varying amounts of juice, over a "safe" one, which always gave the same—they just like gambling.”
― David G. Schwartz, Roll the Bones: The History of Gambling

“Why are all apes hairy and the human is relatively hairless? It is our closest genetic relative.”
― Steven Magee

“Every time I get on a Boeing 737 Max, I am aware it was ‘Designed by clowns, who in turn are supervised by monkeys’.”
― Steven Magee