Dennis John

“A man in disheveled clothing approaches you with a knife and tells you to give him your belongings.

Imagine...

You take a deep breath and blow your community assistance horn, and the local de-escalation enthusiast arrives on his unicycle. He drapes him with the comfort blanket and gives him a hug, whispering in his ear that things will be okay.

You are stabbed 37 times and he uses the Subway gift card that was in your purse to buy himself a sweet onion chicken teriyaki sandwich from the $3.99 Sub of the Day menu

Isn't this public safety?”
― stained hanes, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“Socratese was a famous IRL troll of pre-internets Greece credited with inventing the 1st recorded trolling technique and otherwise laying the foundation of western philosophy.

Accounts of his successful trolls are in the form of TL;DR copypasta on Plato's livejournal. They have been causing all manner of butthurt and ass disaster for thousands of years in philosophy 101 classes around the world”
― stained hanes, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“I bought an aquarium for my ducks, because that's kind of how I dance. Lessons start at $19.83 and move on up to 1984 in a Boogaloo Orwell mix. There was too much electricity, so I had to unplug my moves from The Matrix. (Kneepads not included.)”
― Jarod Kintz, One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production

“People say jazz puts them to sleep. As a master saxophone player, one who sounds like a duck quacking, I don't know if they're trying to insult me or insinuating they found a holistic solution to their insomnia. My music NOW comes in water-soluble tablets to be taken before bed.”
― Jarod Kintz, One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production