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384 pages, Paperback
Expected publication July 16, 2024
"His eyes drag up to meet mine, red rimmed but bright. Forget-me-not blue.
“I’ve never been anyone’s favorite,” he whispers.
“Well,” I say, feeling defensive. “You’re mine."
"She looks like she could eat me alive. I fucking love it."
"I always get the feeling Nova wants to crack open my head and take a look around. I’d probably let her and thank her for the pleasure."
"his gaze back to me, his eyes tracing my face like I’m something precious. Like I’m something he can’t believe he gets to keep. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my life, Nova girl.” He says it in a whisper. Like a secret.
I drop my mouth to his and make it a promise. “Me too."
"He finishes climbing around Alex and grabs the only available seat in the tiny room. It screeches as he drags it across the floor, right next to me."
"Could I take your name?” he finally asks. His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat with a heavy swallow.
“When we get married, I mean. Could I—could I be a Porter?”
I have to take a second to breathe through the pinch in my chest.
“Is that something you want?”
He nods."
𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ "I've taught myself how to be okay with fragments of feeling, but I don't want that with you. I want more than what you've given me. I want to give you more of me too. I love you, Nova girl."
𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ Flirting has always been easy for me, but flirting with Nova is a goddamn delight. Her whole body comes alive under the attention, like a flower tilting towards the sun. I'm greedy for her reactions. For the way pink lights up her cheeks.
𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ I want to do exactly what she wants. I want to be everything she needs. Fuck getting out of her system. I want to be so far in her system I'm all she ever thinks about.
𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ For the first time in a long time, it feels like maybe it's okay that I'm a work in progress. Just like my studio. Just like the little plants breaking through the soil and reaching for the sunlight. I'm trying, and maybe trying is enough.
𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ I take up too much space, I want to tell her. I'm loud and sometimes I don't know how to stop talking. I'm a lot and I know that. I can't figure out how to make myself fit, but I'm trying. I promise I'm trying.
𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ "One of the most beautiful things about you is your big heart and your faithfulness to the people you care about. I know you think you're being selfish, taking affection for yourself, but you're not. It's generosity. The best sort of love. I know you feel like you need to earn your place, Charlie, but you don't. Not in this town and not"—not with me, I almost say—"not anywhere else."
𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ "I've never been anyone's favorite," he whispers.
"Well," I say, feeling defensive. "You're mine."
“Maybe we can call it business casual,” I say slowly.
His hands tighten on my hips. “What does that mean?” he laughs.
“Business casual,” I say again, the idea growing on me. Yes, that’s exactly what I want. Something casual but with parameters in place so neither of us can hurt the other.
"She looks like she could eat me alive.
I fucking love it."
"I try to convince myself I'm not with all the ridiculous shit I do, but I'm lonely all the time. I go to work, and I keep myself busy with things I don't care about, and I come back to a fancy apartment with everything I could ever want, and I feel ... nothing. Empty."
"That's probably the kind of guy she usually goes for.
I bet he's absolute shit at doing his taxes."
“Nova,” he says quietly..
“Yes?”
“I’ve never been anyone’s favorite,” he whispers.
“Well,”I say, feeling defensive. “You’re mine.”