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Riding in Cars with Boys
Trouble began in 1963. I'm not blaming it on President Kennedy's assassination or its being the beginning of the sixties or the Vietnam War or The Beatles. The trouble I'm talking about was my first real trouble, the age-old trouble. The getting in trouble as in Is she in trouble? trouble. As in pregnant. As in the girl who got pregnant in high school. Beverly Ann Donofrio wasn't bad because she hung out with hoods - she was bad because she was a hood.
204 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1990
About the author
Beverly Donofrio
17 books87 followersBeverly Donofrio is an author most noted for writing Riding in Cars with Boys, an autobiographical account of her life. The book was made into a movie with the same title and starred Drew Barrymore as Donofrio.
Her second memoir, Looking for Mary, or the Blessed Mother and Me, is about the Virgin Mary, faith and her own life as a mother.
Donofrio's father is of Sicilian descent and her mother is an Italian-American. Donofrio lives in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, where she is a founder of San Miguel Workshops. Her first children's book was released in 2007 by Random House.
Her second memoir, Looking for Mary, or the Blessed Mother and Me, is about the Virgin Mary, faith and her own life as a mother.
Donofrio's father is of Sicilian descent and her mother is an Italian-American. Donofrio lives in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, where she is a founder of San Miguel Workshops. Her first children's book was released in 2007 by Random House.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 390 reviews
December 23, 2012
I picked this up at the library as a book on cd. I was in a rush and recognized the title as something I'd heard of before (probably from the movie that was apparently made from it) and the blurbs said it was funny. I'll spoil that one for you right now, it was not funny. Not even a little. The best thing it has going for it is that it's short. She keeps reminding us over and over how much her entire life sucks because she got pregnant in high school and she's so dramatic about it ("...no no no, you have to understand, *I'M* the girl who got pregnant in highschool"). Frankly, there are entire towns of teenage mothers that have gone on to be productive citizens without begging for sympathy from anyone that will listen. We get it, it's hard, there is no one that will contradict that.
The whiny tone that the book is written in feels like she's trying to elicit all of this understanding from the reader about her neglect of her son (she mentions that after her mother points out how dirty her kid is, she realizes she can't even remember the last time she bathed him). Feel sorry for me, it's hard to be a teenage mother and I don't really want my son (and she's still complaining about this fact when she's more than a decade passed being a teenage mother). She also occasionally reminds how sometimes she likes to be mean to her kid, because it's funny. It goes on like this and you keep waiting for the part where she realizes that she's the most self-absorbed person on Earth and decides to make a change (not to mention, I'm waiting for the part that makes me so much as crack a smile) and it never comes. The audio book comes with a special interview with the author done 10 years after the book came out and she still doesn't get it. In her 40's still acting though she's the only one on Earth that matters.
I'm glad I didn't pay for this book, why would I want to reward someone financially for committing to paper that she's a neglectful and sometimes abusive mother. You don't get a pass card because you admit it. I get the feeling that if you bedazzled a track suit with "TERRIBLE MOTHER" across the ass, this woman would buy it and think she was clever.
The whiny tone that the book is written in feels like she's trying to elicit all of this understanding from the reader about her neglect of her son (she mentions that after her mother points out how dirty her kid is, she realizes she can't even remember the last time she bathed him). Feel sorry for me, it's hard to be a teenage mother and I don't really want my son (and she's still complaining about this fact when she's more than a decade passed being a teenage mother). She also occasionally reminds how sometimes she likes to be mean to her kid, because it's funny. It goes on like this and you keep waiting for the part where she realizes that she's the most self-absorbed person on Earth and decides to make a change (not to mention, I'm waiting for the part that makes me so much as crack a smile) and it never comes. The audio book comes with a special interview with the author done 10 years after the book came out and she still doesn't get it. In her 40's still acting though she's the only one on Earth that matters.
I'm glad I didn't pay for this book, why would I want to reward someone financially for committing to paper that she's a neglectful and sometimes abusive mother. You don't get a pass card because you admit it. I get the feeling that if you bedazzled a track suit with "TERRIBLE MOTHER" across the ass, this woman would buy it and think she was clever.
August 10, 2011
As part of a grad school psychology class, I was required to analyze a movie from one of a variety of topics. The movie version of this book was the option I chose. I actually felt that the characters, as portrayed in the movie, were somewhat sympathetic. It felt, in the movies, like Beverly was struggling but doing the best she could while seemingly stuck in adolescence. There was some growth in the character...
The book was, sadly, not as compelling as the movie. Yes, many of the stories were the same, but those that were left out of the movie gave a MUCH different feel for Beverly. In the movie, her involvement with drugs was through her ex-husband's use, her occasional experimentation, and her attempts to make money to help raise her son - foolish, yes, but using adolescent reasoning, it wasn't unforgivable. In the book, one could see that this wasn't the extent of it at all. In all honesty, she wasn't struggling against things beyond her control due to a mistake - she continually created those problems.
I give it 3 stars because of the brutal honesty (though I wonder how much she edited out to make herself look better - and the thought that this is the "better" makes me shudder!). I didn't see much growth in her character even at the end. I feel bad saying this because it is her life's story, but it feels more like a repeated telling of how she used and manipulated those around her, including her child, to get where she is. Perhaps if I wasn't expecting something more inspirational of this book, I would have liked it more. But as a parent, I just can't say that this is inspirational. All I can think of is her poor child - his is a story that might be a MUCH better read.
The book was, sadly, not as compelling as the movie. Yes, many of the stories were the same, but those that were left out of the movie gave a MUCH different feel for Beverly. In the movie, her involvement with drugs was through her ex-husband's use, her occasional experimentation, and her attempts to make money to help raise her son - foolish, yes, but using adolescent reasoning, it wasn't unforgivable. In the book, one could see that this wasn't the extent of it at all. In all honesty, she wasn't struggling against things beyond her control due to a mistake - she continually created those problems.
I give it 3 stars because of the brutal honesty (though I wonder how much she edited out to make herself look better - and the thought that this is the "better" makes me shudder!). I didn't see much growth in her character even at the end. I feel bad saying this because it is her life's story, but it feels more like a repeated telling of how she used and manipulated those around her, including her child, to get where she is. Perhaps if I wasn't expecting something more inspirational of this book, I would have liked it more. But as a parent, I just can't say that this is inspirational. All I can think of is her poor child - his is a story that might be a MUCH better read.
June 2, 2015
I adored the movie adaptation of this book, it made me roar with laughter and even made me cry which is a rarity.However, Riding In Cars With Boys by Beverly Donofrio just didn't live up to my expectations.
In this memoir we follow Bev's journey as she becomes a teen mum and wife. She battles with her hate as she sees everyone around her moving on while she is stuck dreaming of having an education and a better life; without her son.
I feel a connection to Beverley, I'm not exactly sure why but I related to her thought processes entirely and sympathized with how her life turned out. I've seen a lot of reviews that hate on Beverly's behaviour while she and her son were growing up because the drugs and sex clearly affected her son in a negative way. However, I just found it incredibly real and honest as well as eye opening because it just goes to show life is not perfect.
I love that Beverly is described as a hippie and we get to see more of what she stood for as a woman. I liked that she wanted to be independent without a husband because at the time this was mostly unheard of. We see more about her life in College while looking after a baby and her struggle with balancing all her responsibility. I'm suprised that Ray, Beverly's ex husband did not have a bigger part in this memoir and I do think that the screen adaptation showed his story in a much more shocking way.
Compared to the movie the book is quite different but not necessarily in a good way. The story isn't as structured and there is a lot of abrupt time jumps.
When Beverly gives birth the details are written quite graphically, I'll definitely be reading this again if my future partner ever tries to convince me to have children just so I know to say no, haha. However, while Beverly is in hospital I didn't find it very funny which was a let down compared to the movie as I remember having to pause it just because I was laughing so hard.
The book just fell a little flat for me and we don't really get much of a connection or feel for the characters like I hoped. The ending was a let down because there isn't much closure and I didn't find it as touching as the film adaptation.
Don't get me wrong this is a outstanding story with such a poignant message but I didn't enjoy it quite as much as the film.
In this memoir we follow Bev's journey as she becomes a teen mum and wife. She battles with her hate as she sees everyone around her moving on while she is stuck dreaming of having an education and a better life; without her son.
I feel a connection to Beverley, I'm not exactly sure why but I related to her thought processes entirely and sympathized with how her life turned out. I've seen a lot of reviews that hate on Beverly's behaviour while she and her son were growing up because the drugs and sex clearly affected her son in a negative way. However, I just found it incredibly real and honest as well as eye opening because it just goes to show life is not perfect.
I love that Beverly is described as a hippie and we get to see more of what she stood for as a woman. I liked that she wanted to be independent without a husband because at the time this was mostly unheard of. We see more about her life in College while looking after a baby and her struggle with balancing all her responsibility. I'm suprised that Ray, Beverly's ex husband did not have a bigger part in this memoir and I do think that the screen adaptation showed his story in a much more shocking way.
Compared to the movie the book is quite different but not necessarily in a good way. The story isn't as structured and there is a lot of abrupt time jumps.
When Beverly gives birth the details are written quite graphically, I'll definitely be reading this again if my future partner ever tries to convince me to have children just so I know to say no, haha. However, while Beverly is in hospital I didn't find it very funny which was a let down compared to the movie as I remember having to pause it just because I was laughing so hard.
The book just fell a little flat for me and we don't really get much of a connection or feel for the characters like I hoped. The ending was a let down because there isn't much closure and I didn't find it as touching as the film adaptation.
Don't get me wrong this is a outstanding story with such a poignant message but I didn't enjoy it quite as much as the film.
April 26, 2011
I was looking forward to reading this because it came so highly recommended, but I was so sorry I wasted my time on this book. Beverly, the main character gets pregnant as a teenager by a loser who she barely knew. What comes next is a series of time periods in her life where you are convinced that at any moment, Beverly will grow up, quit whining and do what she must to raise her son, now on her own. But with each passing year in her book, my realization grew stronger that Beverly was a selfish baby who should have done the right thing by her son and put him up for adoption and let responsible adults raise this child. I was incredibly disappointed in this book and instead of sympathizing with Beverly and her situation, I wound up despising her and felt incredibly sorry for her poor son who had Beverly as his mother.
March 10, 2014
I read this book because I was a so-so fan of the film. I wanted to read the actual memoir.
Bev is an self-centered woman who regrets the conception, birth, and life of her son. She only cares about herself, and there were moments where she seemed to glory in her child's misery. The scene that really stands out to me is when she tells Jason that Ray is gone and she seems to say how they'll be without money or food over and over until Jason breaks down, scared and unhappy. What sort of mother does that?
Her heavy drug use, her use of men while having a young child in the house, the drinking, everything led me to asking why did no one take her child from her? She was a danger to herself and her son, though she didn't care. Someone should have. Though I hope that Jason grew up to be a lovely, well-adjusted young man, I can't help but think he'll carry scars that will bleed over into his own child rearing.
I read the book quickly, but I was angry throughout most of it. Bev's behavior, her acidic and unloving thoughts of her child, and her unjustified hatred/resentment of her family just blew me away. Most of what I read, I couldn't believe anyone would openly admit to, and I felt sorry for Jason. This book immediately went into my 'resell on Amazon' pile once I finished it, and I cannot recommend it to anyone. It's just an awful, self-indulgent vomit session of a selfish, narrow-sighted woman.
Bev is an self-centered woman who regrets the conception, birth, and life of her son. She only cares about herself, and there were moments where she seemed to glory in her child's misery. The scene that really stands out to me is when she tells Jason that Ray is gone and she seems to say how they'll be without money or food over and over until Jason breaks down, scared and unhappy. What sort of mother does that?
Her heavy drug use, her use of men while having a young child in the house, the drinking, everything led me to asking why did no one take her child from her? She was a danger to herself and her son, though she didn't care. Someone should have. Though I hope that Jason grew up to be a lovely, well-adjusted young man, I can't help but think he'll carry scars that will bleed over into his own child rearing.
I read the book quickly, but I was angry throughout most of it. Bev's behavior, her acidic and unloving thoughts of her child, and her unjustified hatred/resentment of her family just blew me away. Most of what I read, I couldn't believe anyone would openly admit to, and I felt sorry for Jason. This book immediately went into my 'resell on Amazon' pile once I finished it, and I cannot recommend it to anyone. It's just an awful, self-indulgent vomit session of a selfish, narrow-sighted woman.
July 28, 2019
Yikes. Didn’t realize this was a memoir until I was finished and noticed that the author shared a name with the main character. I was so hoping for some kind of redemption of the main character but truthfully she was so SO awful that I could hardly stand to read the book. I was a teen mother and I could not relate in any way to her portrayal of motherhood and honestly felt somewhat disgusted at the way she neglected her sweet child. It’s very sad that she seemed to choose drugs and gross men over experiencing the tenderness and magic of her son’s childhood. I did enjoy the writing style and it did make me think quite a lot so it will get a star. It was just such an unpleasant read.
May 24, 2016
This book was a wild ride (pun intended). I enjoyed it a bunch.
December 28, 2009
I read Riding in Cars with Boys, by Beverly Donofrio. There’s a movie based on it with Drew Barrymore, but before I read the book I hadn’t seen it. As a notorious Barrymore-hater, I figured the movie would be atrocious, but surprisingly was the best I’ve ever seen Drew. I must admit I did read the book because it had a movie to go along with it, but as usual, I liked the book better than the movie.
To summarize briefly, Bev is a teenage girl living in the projects who gets into some “trouble”, meaning she gets knocked up. As a pregnant teenager, she deals with the hardships of having to grow up too quickly and trying to balance her own life with caring for her child.
Beverly is absolutely crazy, but she is inspiring in her own right. Actually, her insanity is legitimately proven when she visits the division of vocational rehabilitation.
“If I scored crazy and smart enough, they’d send me to college; if I scored crazy and wasn’t smart, I’d get vocational training.” (Donofrio 140)
She scores crazy and smart, but doesn’t quite have the initiative the DVR is looking for. They send her to community college, but she has to find her own transportation and childcare for Jason.
Beverly is a captivating author. She has a brash style and doesn’t glaze over anything, but with what she has been through, that’s to be expected. It is obvious from the very beginning that she was much more intelligent than a “hood” is expected to be. She knows it, too, and tries to make the best of her life.
I liked this book. It was interesting and fast paced. Usually I’m not a big fan of biographies because people’s lives really aren’t all that interesting. As Bev says,
“All life is, is three or four big days that change everything.” (Donofrio 94)
I can’t help but agree. Usually biographies drag on with unnecessary information, but Riding in Cars with Boys isn’t like that. It’s all relevant.
The only thing about this book that irks me is the end. Suddenly the book jumps from Bev and Jason finally moving to New York, with Jason being only about 7 years old, to him attending college. I really would like to hear more about their time in the city and how Bev grows from still being a kid herself to finally becoming the mother that she needs to be.
Bev isn’t a famous person who I just wanted to learn more about. She’s just a person who was born into sub-ordinary circumstances and made the best of her dismal decisions. I generally like books where at least on main character is more than a little crazy and end up idolizing them a bit more than they might deserve, but Bev, although crazy, is a good person and a good role model.
To summarize briefly, Bev is a teenage girl living in the projects who gets into some “trouble”, meaning she gets knocked up. As a pregnant teenager, she deals with the hardships of having to grow up too quickly and trying to balance her own life with caring for her child.
Beverly is absolutely crazy, but she is inspiring in her own right. Actually, her insanity is legitimately proven when she visits the division of vocational rehabilitation.
“If I scored crazy and smart enough, they’d send me to college; if I scored crazy and wasn’t smart, I’d get vocational training.” (Donofrio 140)
She scores crazy and smart, but doesn’t quite have the initiative the DVR is looking for. They send her to community college, but she has to find her own transportation and childcare for Jason.
Beverly is a captivating author. She has a brash style and doesn’t glaze over anything, but with what she has been through, that’s to be expected. It is obvious from the very beginning that she was much more intelligent than a “hood” is expected to be. She knows it, too, and tries to make the best of her life.
I liked this book. It was interesting and fast paced. Usually I’m not a big fan of biographies because people’s lives really aren’t all that interesting. As Bev says,
“All life is, is three or four big days that change everything.” (Donofrio 94)
I can’t help but agree. Usually biographies drag on with unnecessary information, but Riding in Cars with Boys isn’t like that. It’s all relevant.
The only thing about this book that irks me is the end. Suddenly the book jumps from Bev and Jason finally moving to New York, with Jason being only about 7 years old, to him attending college. I really would like to hear more about their time in the city and how Bev grows from still being a kid herself to finally becoming the mother that she needs to be.
Bev isn’t a famous person who I just wanted to learn more about. She’s just a person who was born into sub-ordinary circumstances and made the best of her dismal decisions. I generally like books where at least on main character is more than a little crazy and end up idolizing them a bit more than they might deserve, but Bev, although crazy, is a good person and a good role model.
July 5, 2013
I truly enjoyed this book. I also really like the movie that is based on the novel, and I have seen many reviews claiming the movie is better than the book. I truly feel both are special in their own ways. One of the things the book adds that is missing from the movie is how remarkably honest Donofrio is about herself. The movie paints her character as someone who means well, but is a victim of misfortune. Donofrio doesn't hold back in exploring her selfish, self-destructive tendencies. Many reviews have also claimed this as a reason to pass on the book. Without a doubt, it was my favorite part. Because Donofrio goes to a place that is true and real and fully reflects the experience of a working-class teen mother trying to grow up with a burden she never wanted and struggles to truly love. I also felt like this book really helped me to fully understand my own mother and childhood more. My mother shares little with Donofrio's experience outside of being a very young mother, but in those sentences I felt a flash of recognition.
I am having a hard time really explaining myself, which tells me this book will be one I will be thinking about and pondering for days to come. That 4 stars may just turn in to a 5 star over the next few days. Truly, a thought-provoking, harsh, honest and beautiful book.
I am having a hard time really explaining myself, which tells me this book will be one I will be thinking about and pondering for days to come. That 4 stars may just turn in to a 5 star over the next few days. Truly, a thought-provoking, harsh, honest and beautiful book.
September 24, 2014
This is a great story. I saw the movie years ago, and I am glad that the novel is absolutely nothing like it. I almost wish the film directors hadn't taken such liberties with the story, because I would love to see a movie of this as written. What I loved most about this book was the raw honesty of Beverly Donofrio. We automatically assume that all women have some sort of maternal capacity, and that attitude is a disservice to women everywhere. Some of what she put her son through was shocking, but she owned her imperfections. This story was about her struggle with her own inadequacies, and how she rose above all of the things in her nature that kept her down. Most people try to put a positive spin on their past, but she laid her sins bare for her readers, and I applaud her for it.
I wish it had been a bit longer, but it was a great memoir. It's a light read and very punchy. Two enthusiastic thumbs up.
I wish it had been a bit longer, but it was a great memoir. It's a light read and very punchy. Two enthusiastic thumbs up.
October 28, 2023
What a disappointment. It's honestly so rare for the book to be worse then the movie.. Like how could the movie be that much better? I LOVE that movie. But this writing style was not for me. It jumped around a lot and it was just so cringey and full of complaining and definitely not something I enjoyed. It takes a lot for me to personally give a book one star. I don't like giving books one stars! But I can't with good faith give this book anything higher than that. The one star is for being short and that's about it. I really wanted to DNF me but I am not one to DNF anything. Once I start, I am committed! You will not be missing out by reading this book. Don't waste your time!
November 13, 2018
3 STARS
A memoir of a women remembering her teenage pregnancy and how it has come to shape her life. I enjoyed Drew Barrymore's role in the movie as much as I liked this novel - the movie and novel are different.
A memoir of a women remembering her teenage pregnancy and how it has come to shape her life. I enjoyed Drew Barrymore's role in the movie as much as I liked this novel - the movie and novel are different.
May 5, 2019
The author thinks that being a bad mother is something to be proud of. The writing wasn't awful but man, she is just a horrible human being.
July 23, 2019
The movie version of this book has been an absolute favourite of mine for almost a decade, so of course, I was super excited to read this book. As expected, I really enjoyed it, although I do wish it was longer and more detailed. With just a little over 200 pages, I found the second part was too rushed, as were many other parts of the book.
And, hm. How do I put this in a way that makes sense? Here goes: when I'm reading a really good memoir, I feel like I'm in a relationship with it (sounds strange I know). So, when the memoir (aka the relationship) comes to an end, I need some closure, but I didn't get that at all from this book. The ending was just too abrupt - I needed to know more! I don't say this often, but the movie was actually better than the book!
And, hm. How do I put this in a way that makes sense? Here goes: when I'm reading a really good memoir, I feel like I'm in a relationship with it (sounds strange I know). So, when the memoir (aka the relationship) comes to an end, I need some closure, but I didn't get that at all from this book. The ending was just too abrupt - I needed to know more! I don't say this often, but the movie was actually better than the book!
September 11, 2019
The trials and tribulations of a teenage Mother are documented in this memoir, which should be required reading for teenagers everywhere, as a warning against excessive drinking, recreational drug use, and the problems caused by an unplanned teenage pregnancy.
Overall - a very sad book, I felt so sorry for the neglect that her son was subjected to.
Overall - a very sad book, I felt so sorry for the neglect that her son was subjected to.
November 15, 2010
Two obstacles overcome to get this book read -- my love/hate relationship with Drew Barrymore with this crappy photo on the cover, and the clunky, sentimental title. After that, this book is a nice, quick read, with some important things to say about the experience of women in the last half of the 20th century.
First off, our book group will be watching the movie together in the next week or so, and I'm braced for a Barrymore performance. I can't watch her without thinking "you spoiled E.T. child star, what gives you the nerve...", but then again she rocked it with Grey Gardens, so she's proved she has talent; it's just a certain brand of talent that sometimes gives me the I'm-sometimes-embarrassed-for-you willies.
As for the book itself, there's great potential for good discussion in a women's book group, even for women born since the 60's. Some of the issues the author illuminates are still part of the American female experience, just in different costumes. What distanced me somewhat is the author's graceless relationship with her son. Even if you have your child too young, it seems to me impossible to be a naturally intelligent, thoughtful person and not give your child real love. You can be flaky, irresponsible, even negligent at times, but the innate love that cements a mother-son bond just wasn't to be found, and I'm having a difficult time understanding that. Of course there are mothers who don't love their sons, or don't show it, but it's not often a mother admits it, and then dedicates her book to him. It's a perspective on motherhood that just makes me very uncomfortable. And it reminds me that my own trials of motherhood gave meaning to my life, and maybe that makes me lucky.
First off, our book group will be watching the movie together in the next week or so, and I'm braced for a Barrymore performance. I can't watch her without thinking "you spoiled E.T. child star, what gives you the nerve...", but then again she rocked it with Grey Gardens, so she's proved she has talent; it's just a certain brand of talent that sometimes gives me the I'm-sometimes-embarrassed-for-you willies.
As for the book itself, there's great potential for good discussion in a women's book group, even for women born since the 60's. Some of the issues the author illuminates are still part of the American female experience, just in different costumes. What distanced me somewhat is the author's graceless relationship with her son. Even if you have your child too young, it seems to me impossible to be a naturally intelligent, thoughtful person and not give your child real love. You can be flaky, irresponsible, even negligent at times, but the innate love that cements a mother-son bond just wasn't to be found, and I'm having a difficult time understanding that. Of course there are mothers who don't love their sons, or don't show it, but it's not often a mother admits it, and then dedicates her book to him. It's a perspective on motherhood that just makes me very uncomfortable. And it reminds me that my own trials of motherhood gave meaning to my life, and maybe that makes me lucky.
November 16, 2022
I was a little confused as to what the point of this book was. To me, this story really just described the everyday happenings of a most people in life. If they didn't have the troubles she did, then they had others. POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD: Beverly did go to school and get her degree and, while I congratulate her on striving for a better future, I'm not sure it was special enough to write a book about. Most people get their degrees now-a-days, and many have children. I also can't seem to feel that her sharing she got a degree was important enough for her to risk telling everyone about what a horrible mother she was and exposing her repeated selfishness. She ran off to bars, brought home strange men for sex, did drugs, left her son home alone, etc. In the recap of his teen years she talks about all the questionable decisions she made as a mother, and even at the end of the book she's pushing her son off to a college in another state so she can get away from him. The cover says the book is confessions of a bad girl who made good, but how exactly does she do this? Is making good only about getting her degree? I did like that she was able to see all the things in life that never would have happened if she hadn't had her son, but I didn't feel any of those things had anything to do with her son and having him brought into her life. They too were all purely selfish reasons. Overall it was an easy read, but I can't give it any more than two stars because I felt no connection to the main character and never grew to like her. I'll definitely be skipping the movie.
January 7, 2009
I'd read Looking for Mary (which I loved) by the same author and have heard her on NPR and sought this book our on BookCrossing in trade. Talk about brutal honesty! Donofrio doesn't hold back. But with it all, the book is fresh and engaging. Such a different take on life from mine, even though we're not too far apart in years. But she drew me right in and kept me engaged through-out her story.
I loved one description, especially--she's just gotten some news- some very good news, and writes:
I created a new tag just because of this book -- "Yikes"
I loved one description, especially--she's just gotten some news- some very good news, and writes:
I felt like Hester Prynne must've felt in the next chapter, the one that never got written, the one where she's in the woods on her way to the rest of her life andfinally rips off that ridiculous A and throws it in the camp fire.
I created a new tag just because of this book -- "Yikes"
May 8, 2011
It was an honest account of a selfish kid who had a child and kind of raised it, but she never seemed to grow up herself. Not even as she was writing this stuff did she seem to have any remorse... She seems to be proud of what she did, even though, by her own account, she was a selfish, crappy mom. I think I would have enjoyed it more if it were one of those books with the person saying, "Look, I'm not happy with what I did, but this is how it was." Instead of, "Look at how I took advantage of everyone around me and screwed the system to get where I am educationally! Oh, yeah, by the way, I have a son that I really didn't want until he was old enough to take care of himself, but I'm proud of how he turned out. Because of me, of course."
November 23, 2012
This only gets 3-stars because the back story from the movie was embedded in my head. If I had never seen the movie, this book would've come across completely flat. This is a rare instance where I would say that the movie is way, way better than the book; including all of the story plots that were changed for the movie.
Not to mention, that Penguin books did a terrible job converting this book to an eBook edition. Spacing was mid-word "im matterialy", "Si mone", etc and every single time the word "corner" was in the book it was written as "comer". Every time.
This would be a book I'd say isn't really worth reading if you've seen the movie (or even if you haven't). It only makes half-sense unless you have all the life and characters pumped in from the movie..
Not to mention, that Penguin books did a terrible job converting this book to an eBook edition. Spacing was mid-word "im matterialy", "Si mone", etc and every single time the word "corner" was in the book it was written as "comer". Every time.
This would be a book I'd say isn't really worth reading if you've seen the movie (or even if you haven't). It only makes half-sense unless you have all the life and characters pumped in from the movie..
March 17, 2008
This book is the author's own story about being a young single mother to a little boy. It is sad in parts, and very funny in others!
I really liked this book (and the movie too!).
I really liked this book (and the movie too!).
May 22, 2024
“He took a pack of Luckies from his shirt pocket, shook out a cigarette, and lit it. The way his wrist and fingers moved, where he put the cigarette between his lips, and the way he pulled the cigarette away so his lips kind of stuck to the filter were so familiar, I hugged my heart to protect myself from getting reinvolved.”
What a ride this was. I feel like a I have to preface this review by saying I was entirely clouded by my love for the movie in the beginning. I pictured Drew Barrymore and the late Brittany Murphy with every turn of the page, every raucous laugh I heard in their voices. However, as I got about a third of the way through, the haze dissipated and I was left with this incredibly nuanced and hypocritical woman. I started to dislike her, finding the blame she put on her child unfair and the blame she put on herself whiny. There were moments I had to put the book down, confronted with the uncomfortable image of my own narcissistic mother. How could someone think like this? Do such selfish things, think so selfishly?
“So I'm lying on my back in Beatrice's parents' aluminum pool and I'm tripping peacefully, listening to the trees talk to me in a language I'm sure I'd understand if only I could concentrate harder. But then here comes somebody handing me my son. By the blinding orange of her bikini, I know it's Beatrice.
She says, 'Somebody wants to swim with his mommy.'
Couldn't she tell somebody didn't want to swim with her son? But she's dangling him over the water, so I reach out to get him and he slips through my fingers and underwater. I catch him just after his face goes under, but he starts crying hysterically anyway, spitting and coughing and making me feel awful. Now I understand every word from the trees. They're saying: You're a terrible mother. You almost drowned your son. He'll remember this moment forever.
I hugged Jason and bounced him around the pool to distract him. When we climbed out, I lay on my back and Jason sat on my stomach. His head was ringed by the sun, and for a minute I thought it was a halo.”
It dawned on me that she was selfish, but we all are. We’re all capable of contradictory thoughts, and not only are we capable, but we have them everyday. We are all flawed, carry deep judgements and dark thoughts. Donofrio was perhaps brave enough to put them on a page. A big pet peeve of mine when it comes to modern media is this idea that no main character can be flawed. That there has to be, at all times, a character with a completely clean and correct moral code. To always be pointing due north, to act at all times in the perfect manner. This is completely untrue to the human condition, and usually commits the most cardinal sin of entertainment - to be boring.
“Why did my parents decide to name their first daughter Beverly Ann Donofrio and forever brand me with the initials B.A.D.? What did they think?”
What a ride this was. I feel like a I have to preface this review by saying I was entirely clouded by my love for the movie in the beginning. I pictured Drew Barrymore and the late Brittany Murphy with every turn of the page, every raucous laugh I heard in their voices. However, as I got about a third of the way through, the haze dissipated and I was left with this incredibly nuanced and hypocritical woman. I started to dislike her, finding the blame she put on her child unfair and the blame she put on herself whiny. There were moments I had to put the book down, confronted with the uncomfortable image of my own narcissistic mother. How could someone think like this? Do such selfish things, think so selfishly?
“So I'm lying on my back in Beatrice's parents' aluminum pool and I'm tripping peacefully, listening to the trees talk to me in a language I'm sure I'd understand if only I could concentrate harder. But then here comes somebody handing me my son. By the blinding orange of her bikini, I know it's Beatrice.
She says, 'Somebody wants to swim with his mommy.'
Couldn't she tell somebody didn't want to swim with her son? But she's dangling him over the water, so I reach out to get him and he slips through my fingers and underwater. I catch him just after his face goes under, but he starts crying hysterically anyway, spitting and coughing and making me feel awful. Now I understand every word from the trees. They're saying: You're a terrible mother. You almost drowned your son. He'll remember this moment forever.
I hugged Jason and bounced him around the pool to distract him. When we climbed out, I lay on my back and Jason sat on my stomach. His head was ringed by the sun, and for a minute I thought it was a halo.”
It dawned on me that she was selfish, but we all are. We’re all capable of contradictory thoughts, and not only are we capable, but we have them everyday. We are all flawed, carry deep judgements and dark thoughts. Donofrio was perhaps brave enough to put them on a page. A big pet peeve of mine when it comes to modern media is this idea that no main character can be flawed. That there has to be, at all times, a character with a completely clean and correct moral code. To always be pointing due north, to act at all times in the perfect manner. This is completely untrue to the human condition, and usually commits the most cardinal sin of entertainment - to be boring.
“Why did my parents decide to name their first daughter Beverly Ann Donofrio and forever brand me with the initials B.A.D.? What did they think?”
May 7, 2021
Oh how glad I am to have read this. I had seen the film adaptation of this a bunch of times, from an old VHS, in me and my mom's apartment when I was a kid. I had forgotten all about this until I ran into the trailer or something on YouTube and my heart skipped a beat. Ordered this from eBay and enjoyed every single word from it, laughed out loud bunch of times and cried in the end.
This is a very straight-forward story, yet very well-written. In a way that you don't even know it, but there's so much detail and particulars, so much memories and great, believable dialogue. Nothing is spared, this memoir treats its main subject (the writer) very roughly, yet doesn't judge. I'm totally blown away by this. It's such a simple piece of entertainment, but so deep.
Of course I have a deep personal motivator too to write such a praising review: this is the story of me and my mother. Two kids raising each other.
This is a very straight-forward story, yet very well-written. In a way that you don't even know it, but there's so much detail and particulars, so much memories and great, believable dialogue. Nothing is spared, this memoir treats its main subject (the writer) very roughly, yet doesn't judge. I'm totally blown away by this. It's such a simple piece of entertainment, but so deep.
Of course I have a deep personal motivator too to write such a praising review: this is the story of me and my mother. Two kids raising each other.
January 21, 2019
The movie is one of my favorites so, naturally, I wanted to read the book. When I began the book, I was a little disappointed that it was not like the movie. As I kept reading, I discovered it was much better. I read this book in three days and was left wanting more. I felt as though I had spent the weekend with Donofrio in a coffee shop, where she laid out her life's story before me. I went from watching her struggle with her son, Jason, when he was a baby, to struggling with him as a teen and young adult. All throughout the book, Donofrio's will to do better astonished me. Coming from what she had, she realized the bad habits that kept taking her back to where she was before: a place she didn't want to be. I will cherish this book as a means of (somewhat) understanding struggles I have never had to face and recommend it to anyone who feels the need to be understood and inspired.
July 8, 2023
I really liked the first half of this book, and then the wheels came off the bus. I finished the book feeling dissatisfied and wanting, like the ending of the book had been shoved onto me. Without a meaningful conclusion and character development, the enjoyable first half lost a lot of its glimmer and shine.
The first half of book, as I noted, was really good. Donofrio talks in detail about her childhood, the ill-fated chain of decisions that led to her becoming pregnant at 16, and her shotgun marriage that was summarily blasted apart (pun intended) a few years later. Throughout, she is self-effacing and witty, caustically ripping apart her arrogant teen self who thought she knew everything. Every scene is descriptive, florid, as if you're there with her in the conversation herself. She is nothing if not an engaging writer, adept at vivid characterizations. Her mother is painted expertly as a shrill, traditionally feminine woman who happily concedes inferiority to her husband in return for brow-beating her children. Her father is a taciturn man who is concerned (rightly so) with Donofrio's reckless behavior, and rules the home with a protective, authoritarian fist. Her husband is a loser with few IQ points bouncing around. Donofrio herself is an immature, fiercely independent wild child, simultaneously bitter and ambivalent about her situation.
It's a sobering reminder of how teenage pregnancy was back in the day. Donofrio got pregnant; her parents encouraged adoption. Donofrio refused, so everyone--her family, her boyfriend, her boyfriend's family, school, friends--readily accepted the state of affairs: if you get knocked up and don't give the baby away, you marry the father and make do. Sixteen? Still a child yourself? Well, it just is what it is. As Donofrio's mother puts it, "You made your bed, and now you have to lie in it." Nowadays, it feels crazy that a 16-year-old might have a baby and marry the father and drop out of school, and it's even crazier when you consider just how immature Donofrio was. But that was just how things were done then. Childhood was short, and you owned your own youthful mistakes.
So Donofrio gets with the program, a little, and takes care of her baby with her dummy husband. But she's still a teen, and it shows. She resents her husband and child for ruining her life; she wants to party; she wants to have sex, get high, and do whatever she wants. She's anchored to Jason, but she also isn't, not in the way a mature mother would be. She leaves him with her parents often, brings home strangers for sex while he's there, gets high while he's around.
Initially I thought this was because Donofrio was still a teen, and her wild behavior and poor parenting was reflective of her age and the maturing she still had to do. God knows the average college student is still immature and living it up; Donofrio, I reasoned, just happened to have a child during that same lifestage.
But I don't think that was actually it. I kept waiting for Donofrio to grow up, to settle down, to start thinking about Jason or other people in her life or just ... well, anyone other than herself. The problem? I'm not sure she ever does. Three-fourths of the book are spent on her pregnancy and her son's early years. The last fourth of the book races by with exceptionally poor pacing. She enrolls in community college and then Wesleyan--great, you think, she's picking herself up! Nope, she's doing well in school, but still getting drunk and having lots of sex and being resentful of her poor son. Moves to New York City, dates crappy men, picks up sleazy gigs, and is still resentful of her son. Donofrio is like Freud's id personified, driven solely by the whim of the moment and what will feel good. Other people are an afterthought at best, but usually an annoyance because they have human needs that are inconvenient for Donofrio.
The last fifth or so, she gives a few scattered examples of how she realizes maybe her parents aren't so bad, or maybe she likes her son after all. But it's not like there was a clear arc; she'll recount an "aha!" moment when Jason is 15, then immediately turn around and recount another story a year later when he's 16 that makes you think, nope, she hasn't changed at all. At this point, she's in her mid-thirties, and the same personality traits that I initially attributed to being a cocky, immature teen look more like obnoxious, reckless self-centeredness. Donofrio doesn't actually seem to change as she gets older; she just has more fleeting moments of realizing maybe she's not very considerate to the other people around her.
It was easy to pity Donofrio early on--it really was. I thought, wow, Donofrio's self-centeredness is emblematic of how young she is and unprepared to raise a child. She still had so much growing up to do before having a baby. God knows I was self-centered and cocky as a teen too, but I grew out of it (I hope :) ). But I realized as the book came to an end that those traits weren't emblematic of being a teenager, but just ... well, being Donofrio. While I think the circumstances that Donofrio found herself in were really shocking in today's day and age (can you imagine getting married and having a baby at 17 and everyone treating that like that's just how it is?), and I feel sorry that it happened to her, Donofrio was honestly a hard person to like or empathize with on a person-level.
The first half of book, as I noted, was really good. Donofrio talks in detail about her childhood, the ill-fated chain of decisions that led to her becoming pregnant at 16, and her shotgun marriage that was summarily blasted apart (pun intended) a few years later. Throughout, she is self-effacing and witty, caustically ripping apart her arrogant teen self who thought she knew everything. Every scene is descriptive, florid, as if you're there with her in the conversation herself. She is nothing if not an engaging writer, adept at vivid characterizations. Her mother is painted expertly as a shrill, traditionally feminine woman who happily concedes inferiority to her husband in return for brow-beating her children. Her father is a taciturn man who is concerned (rightly so) with Donofrio's reckless behavior, and rules the home with a protective, authoritarian fist. Her husband is a loser with few IQ points bouncing around. Donofrio herself is an immature, fiercely independent wild child, simultaneously bitter and ambivalent about her situation.
It's a sobering reminder of how teenage pregnancy was back in the day. Donofrio got pregnant; her parents encouraged adoption. Donofrio refused, so everyone--her family, her boyfriend, her boyfriend's family, school, friends--readily accepted the state of affairs: if you get knocked up and don't give the baby away, you marry the father and make do. Sixteen? Still a child yourself? Well, it just is what it is. As Donofrio's mother puts it, "You made your bed, and now you have to lie in it." Nowadays, it feels crazy that a 16-year-old might have a baby and marry the father and drop out of school, and it's even crazier when you consider just how immature Donofrio was. But that was just how things were done then. Childhood was short, and you owned your own youthful mistakes.
So Donofrio gets with the program, a little, and takes care of her baby with her dummy husband. But she's still a teen, and it shows. She resents her husband and child for ruining her life; she wants to party; she wants to have sex, get high, and do whatever she wants. She's anchored to Jason, but she also isn't, not in the way a mature mother would be. She leaves him with her parents often, brings home strangers for sex while he's there, gets high while he's around.
Initially I thought this was because Donofrio was still a teen, and her wild behavior and poor parenting was reflective of her age and the maturing she still had to do. God knows the average college student is still immature and living it up; Donofrio, I reasoned, just happened to have a child during that same lifestage.
But I don't think that was actually it. I kept waiting for Donofrio to grow up, to settle down, to start thinking about Jason or other people in her life or just ... well, anyone other than herself. The problem? I'm not sure she ever does. Three-fourths of the book are spent on her pregnancy and her son's early years. The last fourth of the book races by with exceptionally poor pacing. She enrolls in community college and then Wesleyan--great, you think, she's picking herself up! Nope, she's doing well in school, but still getting drunk and having lots of sex and being resentful of her poor son. Moves to New York City, dates crappy men, picks up sleazy gigs, and is still resentful of her son. Donofrio is like Freud's id personified, driven solely by the whim of the moment and what will feel good. Other people are an afterthought at best, but usually an annoyance because they have human needs that are inconvenient for Donofrio.
The last fifth or so, she gives a few scattered examples of how she realizes maybe her parents aren't so bad, or maybe she likes her son after all. But it's not like there was a clear arc; she'll recount an "aha!" moment when Jason is 15, then immediately turn around and recount another story a year later when he's 16 that makes you think, nope, she hasn't changed at all. At this point, she's in her mid-thirties, and the same personality traits that I initially attributed to being a cocky, immature teen look more like obnoxious, reckless self-centeredness. Donofrio doesn't actually seem to change as she gets older; she just has more fleeting moments of realizing maybe she's not very considerate to the other people around her.
It was easy to pity Donofrio early on--it really was. I thought, wow, Donofrio's self-centeredness is emblematic of how young she is and unprepared to raise a child. She still had so much growing up to do before having a baby. God knows I was self-centered and cocky as a teen too, but I grew out of it (I hope :) ). But I realized as the book came to an end that those traits weren't emblematic of being a teenager, but just ... well, being Donofrio. While I think the circumstances that Donofrio found herself in were really shocking in today's day and age (can you imagine getting married and having a baby at 17 and everyone treating that like that's just how it is?), and I feel sorry that it happened to her, Donofrio was honestly a hard person to like or empathize with on a person-level.
November 2, 2011
Read this for a class on memoir writing (taught by the wonderful Theo Nestor, author of How to Sleep Alone in a King Size Bed, at the Univ. of Washington in Seattle). Not surprising this book was made into a movie, she noted; it's very cinematic. I agree; if you are interested in writing, it's worth checking out this book for craft/technique.
Haven't seen the movie yet, but I agree with other reviewers here that many of the narrator's choices were bad and that explicit introspection is not a preoccupation or strong suit of this book. But this book does work well as a slice of life about a young woman in a small, economically depressed, non-cerebral NE town in the 1960s and how she finally both transcended that environment and came to appreciate some of what was good about it.
The author was smart and wanted to escape. She felt suffocated by patriarchy (though that word never appears in the book) and the values of the "hoods" around her. But she was also "boy crazy" by junior high school, hungry for attention and maybe adventure and apparently unable to avoid subconsciously repeating some patterns from the lives of her parents (and grandparents). Getting pregnant and married before high school graduation stopped her, seemed to seal her fate to repeat her mother's life. Things got even worse when her "hood" husband turned out to be a heroin addict.
She resented her lot, resented her parents' moralizing, resented the limited world she felt stuck in. At times she resented her son for anchoring her there.
Like others I didn't like that she was sometimes reckless or negligent towards her child (dropping acid at a picnic with him playing around her, unwatched by anyone sober) and I agree she seems insufficiently contrite about some of her glaring mistakes, doesn't "own" them explicitly. I also wasn't impressed that she sought solace in drugs and promiscuity. It was the 60s, so she was partly responding to a large cultural influence, plus there was a more particular influence from the non-WASPY culture of the town she was in, but she doesn't reflect on how bad her strategies were for getting what she really wanted, doesn't dwell on her own agency in her behavior.
However, some reviewers here say the narrator doesn't progress or develop as a character/human being; that's wrong. They must mean they didn't like how she changed, didn't think she changed enough or weren't paying attention.
She makes explicit that she realizes she blamed her son for holding her back when actually, she comes to realize, he may have kept her from going further off the deep end. She clearly loves her son. Much of the opening and ending is about her crying out loud (for crying out loud!) about being separated from him, after expecting to feel euphoric about her freedom once she's at last able to drive him off to college, finally relieved of having to take daily care of him. So her view about her son changes.
She raised him to be a feminist, which is also an important generational change (her father and mother were initially against her going to college and doted more on her brother, a favorite because of his gender, because of his "golden penis").
Her son clearly loves her, is aware he's had an unconventional upbringing but validates it as positive---not something she could have done at his age about her own upbringing. So there's lots of change in the book, though it is subtly conveyed (there is even SOME self indictment; she notes on the first page that she took "the path of most resistance," a nice turn of phrase).
A men/cars/freedom motif adds literary resonance to the book. The book starts and ends with her driving her son to college. In junior high school she wants boys cruising in cars to pay attention to her. She had her first groping, proto-sexual experience in a car with a boy at 14, then suffers a damaged reputation in school after the boy gossiped about her as "easy." Her father drove her to the train station as a gesture of love. And her broken down VW bug, which she names "Cupcake," is her means of liberation---she drives it to community college, later to Wesleyan and then off to NY, often with her son along for the ride but also, significantly, sometimes alone. Also, Cupcake gets stolen twice by some boy trying to escape from a juvenile detention facility to go see his girlfriend, who had been impregnated too young, too. This motif about men, cars, love and yearning for freedom (with the risk of mistakes looming) is I think a really nice touch. It "works."
Personally I found her lack of chagrin about being on public assistance for years off-putting, but she DID take initiative and worked her way through a community college then a liberal arts school on scholarship, then struck out for New York and carved out a modest life for herself there.
By the end she comes to appreciate her parents' love, not just resent their attempts to control her. She's realized her son was the best thing that ever happened to her in many ways, and she knows she's made lots of mistakes.
So she does change, and she confesses many sins, and writes beautifully about it all.
Haven't seen the movie yet, but I agree with other reviewers here that many of the narrator's choices were bad and that explicit introspection is not a preoccupation or strong suit of this book. But this book does work well as a slice of life about a young woman in a small, economically depressed, non-cerebral NE town in the 1960s and how she finally both transcended that environment and came to appreciate some of what was good about it.
The author was smart and wanted to escape. She felt suffocated by patriarchy (though that word never appears in the book) and the values of the "hoods" around her. But she was also "boy crazy" by junior high school, hungry for attention and maybe adventure and apparently unable to avoid subconsciously repeating some patterns from the lives of her parents (and grandparents). Getting pregnant and married before high school graduation stopped her, seemed to seal her fate to repeat her mother's life. Things got even worse when her "hood" husband turned out to be a heroin addict.
She resented her lot, resented her parents' moralizing, resented the limited world she felt stuck in. At times she resented her son for anchoring her there.
Like others I didn't like that she was sometimes reckless or negligent towards her child (dropping acid at a picnic with him playing around her, unwatched by anyone sober) and I agree she seems insufficiently contrite about some of her glaring mistakes, doesn't "own" them explicitly. I also wasn't impressed that she sought solace in drugs and promiscuity. It was the 60s, so she was partly responding to a large cultural influence, plus there was a more particular influence from the non-WASPY culture of the town she was in, but she doesn't reflect on how bad her strategies were for getting what she really wanted, doesn't dwell on her own agency in her behavior.
However, some reviewers here say the narrator doesn't progress or develop as a character/human being; that's wrong. They must mean they didn't like how she changed, didn't think she changed enough or weren't paying attention.
She makes explicit that she realizes she blamed her son for holding her back when actually, she comes to realize, he may have kept her from going further off the deep end. She clearly loves her son. Much of the opening and ending is about her crying out loud (for crying out loud!) about being separated from him, after expecting to feel euphoric about her freedom once she's at last able to drive him off to college, finally relieved of having to take daily care of him. So her view about her son changes.
She raised him to be a feminist, which is also an important generational change (her father and mother were initially against her going to college and doted more on her brother, a favorite because of his gender, because of his "golden penis").
Her son clearly loves her, is aware he's had an unconventional upbringing but validates it as positive---not something she could have done at his age about her own upbringing. So there's lots of change in the book, though it is subtly conveyed (there is even SOME self indictment; she notes on the first page that she took "the path of most resistance," a nice turn of phrase).
A men/cars/freedom motif adds literary resonance to the book. The book starts and ends with her driving her son to college. In junior high school she wants boys cruising in cars to pay attention to her. She had her first groping, proto-sexual experience in a car with a boy at 14, then suffers a damaged reputation in school after the boy gossiped about her as "easy." Her father drove her to the train station as a gesture of love. And her broken down VW bug, which she names "Cupcake," is her means of liberation---she drives it to community college, later to Wesleyan and then off to NY, often with her son along for the ride but also, significantly, sometimes alone. Also, Cupcake gets stolen twice by some boy trying to escape from a juvenile detention facility to go see his girlfriend, who had been impregnated too young, too. This motif about men, cars, love and yearning for freedom (with the risk of mistakes looming) is I think a really nice touch. It "works."
Personally I found her lack of chagrin about being on public assistance for years off-putting, but she DID take initiative and worked her way through a community college then a liberal arts school on scholarship, then struck out for New York and carved out a modest life for herself there.
By the end she comes to appreciate her parents' love, not just resent their attempts to control her. She's realized her son was the best thing that ever happened to her in many ways, and she knows she's made lots of mistakes.
So she does change, and she confesses many sins, and writes beautifully about it all.
March 29, 2023
this book is like evidence you should send to CPS of child neglect lol
May 13, 2024
honestly, we’d be besties. she’s just like me….minus the teenage pregnancy
June 29, 2024
Fun & fast read. Def one of my favorites! Loooove the movie and the book is just as good
May 13, 2020
Quite a touching book, not what I was expecting, it was better.
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