I sat in my house in sweats of anticipation waiting for this to arrive. Alexa sat in the corner of my office. She started to blink that familiar yellow. You have one unread notification. My heart pounded in it's little chest. My amazon delivery had arrived! I skipped and hopped like a little 8 year old kid, off to collect my little gift. All my amazing photos were no longer going to gather dust in my trusty D700! Just imagine the excitement of my family when they see all my wares!I sat it on the table. The familiar brown packet with the flying arrow. Or whatever the heck that logo is. I couldn't wait any longer. I tug on the paper zip lock, and turned it over. Out popped the memory card reader. There it was. There it was!! Shining in all it's glory! (Not really, it's black). With a shiver in my hands I carefully pulled out the instruction manual. Insert the card first? Odd, but ok. So being a good little boy, I inserted my precious flash card first. Delicately and with excitement, I sure didn't want to mess this up! And then I plugged this baby in to my laptop.YES! There sat the delicious D700 folder in all its glory! With eager anticipation, I click on the folder. And there are my photos... I think... they look odd... maybe it's my deteriorating eyesight... I open up the first. YES! It's my wife and my 2 kids. And it looks good! Bit out of focus, but I can't blame the card reader for my shoddy camera skills! I move on to the next. My mums head has been chopped and deformed into 4 repositioned blue quadrants on the screen. This doesn't look right. Next. My wife and 2 kids... their legs have just been... corrupted away? Is corrupted even a verb? This photo definitely doesn't have legs. The legs were definitely there.This can't be right. I'm doing something wrong here. I plug out the device. Remove the USB-C and try the standard USB instead. Plug it back in. That picture of my wife and kids... it's now yellow and pixelated to within an inch of it's life. I quickly flick through a bunch. My dad has his face sliced in 2... horizontally... Like as if Damien from the Omen found his way into my camara and sliced him open.I put the card back in my trusty D700. All of the images look pretty damn fine there... So, I try another port.Sweet mother of... of a flying kangaroo... in lack of using bad words... a photo of my 2 kids looking... rather BLUE...I can't get over how incredibly poor this is. I try another port... I try another laptop... I try my desktop computer... EVERY SINGLE TIME MY POOR MOTHER HAS HALF A HEAD.You had one job, card reader.... ONE JOB....Zero stars, if only I was able to!