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Verbal Judo, Second Edition: The Gentle Art of Persuasion Paperback – Dec 17 2013

3.8 on Goodreads
5,770 ratings
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"When you react, the event controls you. When you respond, you're in control."

Verbal Judo is the classic guide to the martial art of the mind and mouth that can help you defuse confrontations and generate cooperation, whether you're talking to a boss, a spouse, or even a teenager. For more than a generation, Dr. George J. Thompson's essential handbook has taught people how to communicate more confidently and persuasively in any situation. Verbal Judo shows you how to listen and speak more effectively, engage others through empathy (the most powerful word in the English language), avoid the most common conversational disasters, and use proven strategies to successfully express your point of view—and take the lead in most disputes.

This updated edition includes a new foreword and a chapter featuring Dr. Thompson's five universal truths of "human interaction":

  1. People feel the need to be respected
  2. People would rather be asked than be told
  3. People have a desire to know why
  4. People prefer to have options over threats
  5. People want to have a second chance

Stop being frustrated and misunderstood. Stop finding yourself on the losing end of an argument. With Verbal Judo you’ll be able to have your say—and say what you mean.

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  1. ISBN-10
    0062107704
  2. ISBN-13
    978-0062107701
  3. Edition
    Updated ed.
  4. Publication date
    Dec 17 2013
  5. Language
    English
  6. Dimensions
    1.52 x 13.21 x 20.07 cm
  7. Print length
    224 pages
  8. See all details
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Product description

From the Inside Flap

When you react, the event controls you. When you respond, you're in control.

Verbal Judo is the classic guide to the martial art of the mind and mouth that can help you defuse confrontations and generate cooperation, whether you're talking to a boss, a spouse, or even a teenager. For more than a generation, Dr. George J. Thompson's essential handbook has taught people how to communicate more confidently and persuasively in any situation. Verbal Judo shows you how to listen and speak more effectively, engage others through empathy (the most powerful word in the English language), avoid the most common conversational disasters, and use proven strategies to successfully express your point of view--and take the lead in most disputes.

This updated edition includes a new foreword and a chapter featuring Dr. Thompson's five universal truths of human interaction:

  1. People feel the need to be respected
  2. People would rather be asked than be told
  3. People have a desire to know why
  4. People prefer to have options over threats
  5. People want to have a second chance

Stop being frustrated and misunderstood. Stop finding yourself on the losing end of an argument. With Verbal Judo you'll be able to have your say--and say what you mean.

From the Back Cover

"When you react, the event controls you. When you respond, you're in control."

Verbal Judo is the classic guide to the martial art of the mind and mouth that can help you defuse confrontations and generate cooperation, whether you're talking to a boss, a spouse, or even a teenager. For more than a generation, Dr. George J. Thompson's essential handbook has taught people how to communicate more confidently and persuasively in any situation. Verbal Judo shows you how to listen and speak more effectively, engage others through empathy (the most powerful word in the English language), avoid the most common conversational disasters, and use proven strategies to successfully express your point of view—and take the lead in most disputes.

This updated edition includes a new foreword and a chapter featuring Dr. Thompson's five universal truths of "human interaction":

  1. People feel the need to be respected
  2. People would rather be asked than be told
  3. People have a desire to know why
  4. People prefer to have options over threats
  5. People want to have a second chance

Stop being frustrated and misunderstood. Stop finding yourself on the losing end of an argument. With Verbal Judo you’ll be able to have your say—and say what you mean.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ William Morrow Paperbacks; Updated ed. edition (Dec 17 2013)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 224 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0062107704
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0062107701
  • Item weight ‏ : ‎ 1.05 kg
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 1.52 x 13.21 x 20.07 cm
  • Customer Reviews:

About the authors

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  1. Jerry B. Jenkins

    Jerry B. Jenkins

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    Full content visible, double tap to read brief content.

    Author of more than 195 books with sales of over 70 million copies, including the best-selling Left Behind series, Jerry B. Jenkins is former vice president for publishing and former chairman of the board of trustees for the Moody Bible Institute of Chicago.

    Jerry's writing has appeared in Time, Reader's Digest, Parade, Guideposts, and dozens of Christian periodicals. Twenty-one of his books have reached The New York Times best-seller list (seven debuting number one).

    Jerry owns the Jerry Jenkins Writers Guild, through which he trains writers online at www.JerryJenkins.com.

    See more on the author's page
  2. George J. Thompson

    George J. Thompson

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    Full content visible, double tap to read brief content.

    George J. Thompson, Ph.D., is a former English professor and a black bet master of karate. He created and crash-tested verbal judo when he was a police officer on an urban beat. He is now a popular lecturer and lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

    See more on the author's page
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Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5
4,875 global ratings
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This book was in bad physical shape! Front cover was all ripped which I had to tape! And the pages are all bent
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Top reviews from Canada

EZ2C
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read
Reviewed in Canada on January 22, 2022
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Some books I read the comments and the ratings but don’t find them to be my experience. This book is all it is advertised to be and I’ll tell you why. The author wants to inform/advise/assist/ and be of help to people and I could see how he seemed to double back to affirm understanding of his writing. Not only is it an excellent book, but I kept thinking “he’s there to help/inform” not to make a book sale. I ‘preciate that!
2 people found this helpful
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Drew
5.0 out of 5 stars While it's an excellent primer on how to influence people (without resorting to ...
Reviewed in Canada on July 20, 2016
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Don't buy this book if you want a modern rewrite of the old Dale Carnegie classic "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (1936).
It isn't about winning friends; Thompson and Jenkins make no claim that it is. It's written primarily for the men and women of law enforcement who have neither the time nor inclination to pussyfoot around when they need to get accurate information and appropriate behaviour in situations that are usually chaotic and often explosive. Life-saving decisions are made under anything but ideal circumstances when action is needed right NOW!!
While it's an excellent primer on how to influence people (without resorting to brute physical force) it's lessons and approach are applicable to every dynamic of human interaction.
If you want to win friends a la Carnegie take one of his courses (which - unbelievably - people are still flushing their money into 80 years later) or, better yet, just talk to your bartender.
2 people found this helpful
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Stephen
4.0 out of 5 stars Great Read.
Reviewed in Canada on November 23, 2017
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Enjoyed this book thoroughly. It's filled with many real life applications to empathetic communication/de-escalation techniques.

My only criticisms are it was a little short, and I wish there was a little bit more concrete/theory type information in it instead of so many real-life scenarios.
2 people found this helpful
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Cecil Cheng
5.0 out of 5 stars I wish I knew this when i was young
Reviewed in Canada on March 1, 2018
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A must read for everyone. Should be mandatory learning in all schools. Names DO hurt you.
The premise of the book is we are taught to use "verbal karate", where we beat into submission with logic (think formal debates) the subject we are trying to convince. While we may get superficial acceptance of our ideas, feelings are often hurt, and we alienate the subject.
"Verbal judo" uses an empathetic, softer approach to get things done. However, don't mistake for a second that this is "weak touchy feely stuff", as the techniques were developed primarily for use by the police to diffuse potentially violent confrontations.
As as a bonus, the cop stories, and the self effacing style of the author makes the book very entertaining.
2 people found this helpful
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GeoEng51
5.0 out of 5 stars Down to earth, practical advice on communicating
Reviewed in Canada on March 20, 2020
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An extremely helpful book on the art of communicating well. The author's background and perspective are different and quite interesting; the delivery style engaging and practical. A good book for spouses, parents, business and anyone dealing with "difficult" people or situations (i.e., all of us, at some point in our day).
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Kelly
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book
Reviewed in Canada on December 4, 2021
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My husband has enjoyed reading this books and learning some communication tools for personal and professional interactions.
One person found this helpful
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dee
3.0 out of 5 stars Poor quality
Reviewed in Canada on April 18, 2023
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This book was in bad physical shape! Front cover was all ripped which I had to tape! And the pages are all bent
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dee
3.0 out of 5 stars Poor quality
Reviewed in Canada on April 18, 2023
This book was in bad physical shape! Front cover was all ripped which I had to tape! And the pages are all bent
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Patrick Warner
5.0 out of 5 stars Communication matters greatly in tense situations
Reviewed in Canada on January 18, 2022
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I use these techniques regularly in my line of work. I wish I had been taught this many years ago when I first started... and then I would have made a lot fewer mistakes when dealing with tense situations.
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Orvil Ibarra
5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful
Reviewed in Mexico on July 1, 2022
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This book has helped me improve my verbal skills and solve multiple issues with people peacefully, I strongly recommend this book.
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vane
5.0 out of 5 stars El tema
Reviewed in Spain on November 17, 2022
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Muy completo
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Joseph Augustine
5.0 out of 5 stars Woosshhaah!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 20, 2020
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The late George J. Thompson PhD (1941-2011), aka Doc Rhino, carried out post-doctoral work in Rhetoric & Persuasion (1979) and was an English Literature university lecturer (Shakespeare and Milton) whilst serving as a part-time police officer. He also had Black Belts in Judo & Taekwondo and would have been well versed in the “studied calm and controlled response of deflection and redirection” through practising the Samurai still-centre of ‘mushin’ often mentioned in his training seminars. In Verbal Judo cultivating a flexible, disinterested “bending and surviving” attitude is necessary for ‘mind-mouth harmony’ - a prerequisite for “controlling a situation through adaptation, versus the natural defensive way of confrontation.”

What is most evident about Thompson’s approach is its thorough grasp of the outer game as associated with the study of leadership. Could this be straight out of the Dan Goleman school of Emotional Intelligence? For Verbal Judo is about understanding the power of motivating others; the first-class application of ‘other awareness’, ‘i.e. “empathy, empathy, empathy”; and above all developing super-refined social skills of ‘other regulation’. By way of coincidental example immediately, after reading this book, the movie Operation Finale (2018) describes the Israeli abduction of Adolf Eichmann in Argentina. The story largely pins down the success of the Mossad operation to the empathetic persuasive skills of one of the agents who convinced the Nazi war criminal to sign, voluntarily, a legal document - making it technically possible to spirit him out of the country. For me, this example highlights the invisible line in Verbal Judo between tactical communication and master manipulation since its philosophy is about becoming a chameleon, playing, for the moment, and having greater awareness than one’s adversary, particularly it would seem in grasping the significance of personal ego.

This last point neatly dovetails into another of Doc’s observations that somewhat resembles the technique of Johari’s Window (used in management training): “when two people are talking 6 identities are involved.” The real hidden self; the inside private self with a ‘facade’ so it is not known to others; and the self which contains aspects others see but are unaware of (‘blind spot’). Tactical communication offers face-saving manoeuvres to the private self; and skillfully appeals to a person’s blind spot by adhering to the maxims: “people don’t think they are irrational, especially when they really are” and “I can deal with only how you see it, even if I am right.”

NLP has been proselytizing to this perspective since the mid-1970s, and in watching the online videos of George Thompson’s enigmatic and arresting oratory style, I did wonder if Dr Bandler had a twin! Both would no doubt subscribe to the presupposition of “never putting a person down because you are putting down the opinion they hold about themselves, however, irrational.” Verbal Judo tends to concentrate on the empathy-laden tool of ‘paraphrasing’ - in contrast to ‘metaphrasing’ (or metasplaining or meta-insighting) which can be labelled a self-reflexive critical thinking tool of accurately reporting the truth in any given situation; while ‘pacing and leading’ is an NLP technique used in gaining rapport and affirms the inner mindset of the person who is being influenced. Therefore, NLP and Verbal Judo share in common the starting point in handling a conflictual situation is not necessarily the pursuance of dialectical truth, but rather dialogical harmonising, a truism adopted by many therapeutic practices. I have fallen foul of this distinction numerous times, and it was somewhat reassuring to hear stories from G. Thompson’s past and the recognition of his many doomed attempts at “the greatest speech you’ll ever live to regret.”

Neuroscientific research into the Autonomic Nervous System is proving the importance of a Social Engagement System (SES) in the brain to regulate fight/flight and numb/freeze responses, which are triggered by conflict. Porges has highlighted the role of the smart vagus nerve (as a vagal brake) in the SES which operates to move the body towards optimal arousal without fear or anger based thinking-feeling. This biological mechanism, I believe, is harnessed during The Five-Step Appeal which effectively amounts to neuro linguistic co-regulation. What is most interesting is that George Thompson openly acknowledges he modelled the protocol by observing exemplar police officers in the field, and by codifying the process it has now been replicated across the world in helping those requiring ‘tactical civility’ in the “hot arena of public services.”

I would further add the steps in the protocol fall into three Aristotlean persuasion domains of ethos, logos and pathos which Thompson rebadges as the three arts of ‘representation’ (professional credibility), ‘translation’ (putting precise meaning in other’s minds) and ‘mediation’ (getting others to see experience in a way that would alter their behaviour through cost-benefit analysis). Therefore, the real inspiration for the 5 Step Appeal is probably as old as the rhetorical hills:-

(1) SE: Simple (Ethical Appeal of character/shared values) - Ethos - establishing the professional presence or disinterested contact through believable representation,
(2) L: Set context (Logical Appeal to reasons, policies, and procedures) - Logos - by telling why?
(3) P: Present Options (Personal Appeal to self-interest) - Pathos,
(4) P: Confirm (Practical Appeal) “offbeat strategies like humour, redirection, and refocusing” eg. 'is there anything I can say or do at this time to get you to cooperate or work with me?"
(5) A: Act (Determination of Appropriate Action) - only after all other choices have been exhausted, effectively building the case for ‘other accountability.

Other protocols are covered, including the LEAPS model which describes the “five great tools of communication” and is certainly worth memorising. My sense is, unless you stumble across Verbal Judo, possibly in a workplace setting, it is unlikely to be on anyone’s list of self-help books. However, its message delivered on the gentle art of persuasion is surely a timeless one, and with such panache too, that today it would surely make a great, great, great TED talk.
3 people found this helpful
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Priye Ranjan Kumar
5.0 out of 5 stars Very practical
Reviewed in India on January 23, 2020
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Very nice book and very practical
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Mr. Pseudonym
5.0 out of 5 stars strongly recommended
Reviewed in Germany on December 17, 2018
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There are Many principles that can actually be transferred to Personal and Business life. Of course Police Officers will Benefit Most of this Book
One person found this helpful
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