1/ Some personal news …
2/ I will be leaving TechCrunch because I’ve been cast to play a supporting role in “Tweetstorm The Movie 3/ .”
Just kidding. Okay, I am stepping down as co-editor of TechCrunch, but not due to the allure of Hollywood or whatever is going on with Verizon. Instead, I will be fulfilling my completely rational, lifelong dream of going to business school.
After weighing all my iconoclastic mid-life options, I thought getting a Master’s degree could be the most rebellious thing I could possibly do at this stage, so I’m doing it. And probably, simultaneously, working on my own thing like everybody else I know.
It’s been an honor to work here the past five years, and spend the past three leading and growing the TechCrunch team. I feel like I’ve learned a lot more from TechCrunch than it’s learned from me, and for that I will always be grateful.
Thank you all for supporting me and helping me become a better leader, writer and person. I may never have another job I’ll love as much as this one, but I need to click on to the next gallery slide of my life …
However, I’d like to be involved with this fantastic blog as much as Verizon Aol Matthew will let me. I will always be a resource, collaborator and friend to our readers and those in the community who have given me their wisdom and trust but most of all a chance: Especially Mike Arrington, Heather Harde, Eric Eldon, Leena Rao, Susan Lyne, Jay Kirsch, Fara Warner, Susan Hobbs, Kara Swisher, Ned Desmond, Tim Armstrong, Ryan Block, Om Malik, Luke Beatty and my current co-editor Matthew Panzarino.
And speaking of Hollywood, we have a running internal thread here at TC, going on since 2013, on who would play whom in “TechCrunch: The Movie.” You’re not a real TechCruncher unless you’ve seen the thread resurface three times.
The best thing about this over-200-post-long thread is that it was actually inspired by a listicle written by BuzzFeed’s Matthew Lynley, titled “11 Actors Who Should Star In A Movie About Twitter.” Lynley is now at TechCrunch.
The second-best thing is that I kept promising to write a post about “TechCrunch: The Movie” and never got around to it.
So here goes: Below are our completely non-comprehensive, editorial-heavy picks for actors in “TechCrunch: The Movie.” There are dupes and omissions.
If we, for some reason, didn’t include a good one or you’re a new TechCrunch staffer reading this ten years into the future, please include your suggestions (or yourself) in the comments.
As the future of TC is To Be Continued, there will be many new roles to fill.
| Fara Warner | Cynthia Nixon |
| MG Siegler | Guy Pearce or Domnhall Gleeson |
| Matthew Panzarino | Mark Ruffalo |
| Ryan Lawler | Rachel McAdams / Jake Galifianakis / Kevin Spacey / Neil Patrick Harris / Peter Sarsgaard and Chris O’Dowd / Mac from Always Sunny in Philadelphia / Nick Cage / Max Woolf |
| Matt Lynley | Ryan Gosling / Ansel Elgort |
| Romain Dillet | Adrian Brody with a beard / Jason Schwartzman with Jean Dujardin’s accent |
| Jon Shieber | Kit Harrington |
| Henry Pickavet | Bruno Mars |
| Kyle Russell | Robert Pattinson |
| Sarah Buhr | Rachel Weisz |
| Ron Miller | Will Farrell |
| Ingrid Lunden | Liz Lemon / Katie Holmes / Queen Latifah / Brooke Shields / Holly Hunter / Chris Noth. Or Herself |
| Alex Wilhelm | 1970s George Carlin / Hayden Christensen |
| Gene Teare | Cate Blanchett |
| Beardless Ryan Lawler | Beardless Brian Cranston |
| Carol Sebastian | Lucy Liu |
| Keith Teare | Paul Hogan |
| Bryce Durbin | Jason Bateman / Charlie Sheen |
| Steve O’Hear | A younger Tim Roth |
| Matt Burns | Taylor Hanson / Bill Hader / Rainn Wilson |
| Sarah Perez | Drew Barrymore / Reese Witherspoon |
| Mike Butcher | Colin Farrell / Bono / Denis Leary |
| Josh Constine | Michael Cera |
| Natasha Lomas | Claire Danes / Toni Collette |
| Arianna Huffington | Meryl Streep |
| Leslie Hitchcock | Emma Watson / Carey Mulligan |
| Colleen Taylor | Amanda Seyfried |
| Josh Topolsky | Steve Buscemi |
| John Biggs | Taylor Hicks / George Clooney / the corpse of John Candy |
| Drew Olanoff | Meatloaf / Bill Hader / David Cross |
| Darrell Etherington | Ryan Hurst from “Remember the Titans” / Rick Moranis |
| Luke Beatty | Luke Perry |
| Paul Carr | Vincent Kartheiser |
| Josh Constine | Ashton Kutcher / Nick Cage |
| Greg Barto | The Wu Tang Clan’s GZA |
| Mark Zuckerberg | Jesse Eisenberg reprises his role |
| Chris Velazco | Justin Timberlake’s backup dancer, as seen to the right of Timberlake in this video. |
| Sarah Lacy | Alexis Bledel |
| Jon Orlin | Bill Murray / John Cusack |
| Billy Gallagher | Frankie Muniz |
| Heather Harde | Jennifer Garner |
| Ned Desmond | Brian Cranston or Jeremy Irons |
| Anthony Ha | George Takei or Johnny Depp or Linda Hunt |
| Susan Hobbs | Kristen Wiig |
| Tim Armstrong | Michael Shannon |
| Jordan Crook | Sliding Doors Gwyneth Paltrow / Chelsea Handler / Amy Poehler |
| Eric Eldon | James Franco / Tom Cruise |
| Kara Swisher | Carrie Fisher |
| Rip Empson | Andy Samberg |
| Jay Kirsch | Billy Gallagher |
| Josh Constine | Adam Brody |
| Frederic Lardinois | Fabio |
| Kim-Mai Cutler | Aubrey Plaza |
| Drew Olanoff | Nicholas Cage |
| Leena Rao | Freida Pinto |
| Elin Blesener | Zooey Deschanel |
| Alexia Tsotsis | Rebel Wilson / Anne Hathaway / Lena Dunham |
| John Biggs | George Clooney / Taylor Hicks |
| Anthony Ha | Cillian Murphy / Ken Jeong |
| Mike Arrington | Jason Segel |
| Colleen Taylor | Emma Stone |
| Gabe Rivera | Cillian Murphy |
| Jason Kincaid | Cillian Murphy |
| Greg Kumparak | Ryan Gosling obviously |
| Sarah Lane | Scarlett Johansson |
| Catherine Shu | Asian hippie at the end of Mad Men |
| Andrew Sweeney | Patrick Stewart |
| Nicole Wilke | Julia Stiles |
| Travis Bernard | Leonardo DiCaprio |
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